christmas and all it brings with it

merry merry christmas...a little early..but oh well
at least i still remembers bout it...let me recall
i truly felt so excited for christmas to come..and for me..to spend it at church was just great
on christmas eve....went for a family dinner at my aunt's house..yum yum...lots of food though i reached like at 8plus...but still have stuff like ham..satay...veggies..drinks..that special family warmth..yeah =)
the morning i woke up at 3am...a little horrified that i haven finish writing all the cards for my friends and cg..so sincere apologies ya..at least there's chocolate
the nite time is spend with family..my mom's bdae....=)
happy birthday mommie..u got a real special bdae..its christmas
really grateful to God for placing you in my life..though i know u're probably won't read this
but i love you =)
promise to be a little little bit more obedient in 2006
ahhas

hahas...25th dec was yeah another power packed fun filled day

christmas drama just blew me away..i got reminded so strongly not to give up on God and that through this challenge i am facing..i'll become much more stronger through this

2005- my most negative year yet

but next year will never be like that

thanks alvin and hl for coming..u both really made my day

ahahs...the meteorite thing was cool rite?

though we sure have problem walking straight aft coming down from it..looks like we got a ride up and down from the sky

pretty scary ya..chee wei was screaming before the rides even gonna start..ahahahs

anyway my blog music not doing too good..so found another source for HUNG UP

okie..its just a temporary interest...but i can't stop listening to it..

homework is really like a mountain now...like only have 4 more days before all the hustle and bustle all begin again

know i really need to depend on God for the strength..he's my shelter amidst all the storms that are raging..

he's my all in all...=)

alot of people seem to be in their period nowadays..but i am telling myself i can't follow in that footstep

send my message to sorta expressed all the feelings i have been trying hard to relate

that's the minimum i can do ba

life's tough..but i am not giving up

joseph we both can do it for 2006 de

thanksgiving this fri

guys..its not me..nor u..or just a few of us..its everybody's effort

tired...i need another 2 weeks to ever read finish that econs online lesson

its neverending..the info are not meant for one day

freak

life goes on..

daughter..thanks...never fail to cheer me up at my down times

=)

school's gonna start..

we'll see wat happens next

trust..and be secure..and happy

SHUT UP!

endurance test

this year christmas is just so different
i dun feel the warmth feelin that i usually do
that my whole life is being lightened up
instead i feel like i am tied to a rock of a tonne..
threatening to drown me as i struggle to stay afloat....
many times i ask myself if it is all worth it
is all my effort..time and pain all gonna work
are the people gonna see that we're all doing this for a common cause
i am not a administrator..
been reassuring myself...i am here for Him
doing all these for Him
easier said than done many times
when u're left alone with most of the things
where are the rest?
haha..wat a joke
my parents critcized and laughed..they scolded and nagged
and added on all the burdens of all the wat ifs..
motivation draining
isn't christmas suppose to be a joyous time where we spread the love of christ?
isn't the love meant to bring joy, happiness, light into the dark world
but to me it seem otherwise now
i dun care bout what other may think
i only noe if i dun say all these out
u'll never see me again
is it all worthwhile?

moving on..not looking back

this week up to now is truly hectic...or even crazy...been so caught up with so many things...
went to settle my dad's "travelling plan" problem with him yesterdae..truthfully..i feel that he's not at fault..
its hard to understand how adults think sometimes when facts just are just so clearly displayed..yet they'll fall prey to a set up trap
i am definitely pissed..and feel like just burning down that stupid place
my dad work so hard..coming home so late almost everyday from work...he sacrificed his sweat and blood just for paying a bunch of scumbags..who can't find a proper manner to work and earn decent money
hmph..its truly blood boiling...if i dun say bout all these..i am really not human
all along my dad's real careful with all the money that he spents...how he use to cut down on expenses when business just started out..how i got so worried when his income dip quite significantly..at the start of this year..when i finally realize how big that sum of money my dad's paying..i feel indignant
all the sweet talking....to get pple to join..makes me wanna puke..
all these pple better go get a life ba
enough of gettin angry over such useless freak..
God has said...he knows what we all go through and he will protect us from all attacks from the evil one..just got to take it as a pricey lesson that we learn from
shall not dwell on it further..it will probably shorten my life here
---------------------------------------------------------------------
my head's spinning so fast
i dun really think
perharps...i just need time to settle down..we both need ba
it hurts i have to admit..many times i have to stare at the sky..wondering why i have to go through all these
its my fault..totally....u just probably hope all these haven happen
i know i can never make it up or explain things clearly..sorrie if i dun reply or take so long
really is just lettin everything slow down and let me give it a deeper thought
dun want all these but i cant help it
i dun want to sink deeper..
glad we meet and talk things over
friends ya?

u know. happiness is a choice. u wake up every morning with 2 options. to be happy and optimistic and live each day happily. doing what u love. loving what u do. orr u could wake up feeling sad and depressed and dragged down by all ur problems.its ur choice.
thanks daughter =)

reflection

spent the whole dae thinking what exactly i am going to do the remaining of the holis..
how am i going to spent the hard-earned pay
i need to sacrifice for building fund
and i also feel like just buying more new clothes
but the first comes first
he's the one that provided me with this job..i can always trust Him for the rest
thgt about how relationships with people has been for me
many times i tell myself...not to fall back into the same trap of love
but i always do otherwise
stupid dupid me
i can't control my emotions i know
i am flicker
but always i know i'll never commit anything that God doesn't want me to go into
truthfully
i need someone that's there with me....that's have the same belief as me
that love the God i do
i am not discriminating the rest but i can't help..God play such an important role in my life
if u love my God...
why are all these so complicated
perharps..i am not mature enough to handle all these
my past experiences can account for that
but silently i hope i'll meet that special one
love can't be rushed i know
it might hurt innocent friends of mine...i am utterly sorry sorry
but i dun want the hurt to grow even deeper
when did i end up thinking like this...i dun noe
but now i only want true friends..other than that i have no plans..and might never have plans..before God moves me to
i m takin a laidback attitude
God please have your way in me..
i have let ur name down...and i dun want history to repeat itself..

we've moved

we're no longer moving...but we've moved to EXPO
although i actually been there along since last week working at warehouse sales
realized that i have become so uncle-like...always rushing to get the most worth it prices for bedsheets...shirts..oh no wat have i become
went for service aft that...though it was tiring to me...been standing and walking since morning...
was quite front..so managed to get good seats at the floor area..
with my pillow that i bought...super awkward
but all i can say was service was truly amazing
its not the change of venue..its not the addition of more crowd for one service..its not how big the hall is
i felt God's presence so strongly..after i have really prayed so hard for God to just touch me once again...
something is changing in the air...
my parents aren't making my life any easier..i felt suffocated..
but God is my abba father..all along i have been trying to live by own strength
i broke down and cried during the last part worship...something was stirring me up as flashes of the hurtful past just kept passing me by in my mind
how my the financial needs became so serious...i can't control my emotions for that particular time
how my grandpa passed away so suddenly
how my whole world seem to swirl non stop...almost drove me mad
he said that all these were there to test my faith..he'll never forsake or leave me
he's my eternal shelter...
how comforting and strong are these words
its truly life changin
dinner was funny..and mf still have sales filled to her head..she can't wait to find one aft another
need to wake up super early tml
nite..last dae of work...before i can settle down
deb's dreaming bout being a reindeer?
huiling hope service was good for u...and tell karmen i never even wanted to buy such goods for her la..its so sick..she can slap me
hahas..hope to meet up with my buddies soon..meanwhile take care have fun
=)

recounts..in time

28-30 dec
it was class cip time...really didn't noe what to expect there at first...all the rumours about noctorious kids...which will make u grab ur hair and stuff...it was kinda anxious reaching there
but all i can say now is that it was totally good..love it actually...
the first day was kinda like adjustment day when we all knew teaching them workshops will just definitely bore them to death and they'll start jumping climbing...screaming...so active k
sing for devotions seems like i was just singing to myself..hardly anyone was payin attention..some laughed..how nice la
second day was much better realised how cute my team kids are..and me and claire are the most slack team leaders around..with only 2 members most of the time..hahas
but i guess they need that specific attention coz u just can't make them sit down..
the games were fun...treasure hunt...soccer which got complicated...
love lunch time...hahas...it was the kids' time to eat and of course my turn to...was so tired and hungry by then
i did that "deep deep down down" action in front of all of them...the gals pointed and giggled madly...
i was called jie jie which i dun understand why...i dun even noe them well..but i got used to it
debbie became kor kor instead...=P
third day
best day...watched incredibles..chewed on cookies..yum...and wrote cards for the kids in my team...cute WJ and Rich..
miss them though..
x mas party was a feast...so much as though we're having buffet la...make me feel hungry thinking bout it
got pinched bout a super loud gal who constantly disturb and shook my chair during lunch like as though there was an earthquake..hmm but never mind she meant no harm..
left camp early to rush to work..been workin at john little expo for quite some time now
at first it was really dready wakin up so early to take train to the other end of the island..but now got used to it
its hard earning money..dad and mom..haha
been a loner for the past few days...after work just straight home...takeaway lunch on the way
its always so exhaustin though i only work short hours..but all that walking around made me legs muscles cramp like mad...ouch...torture but got to hang on...just 3 more days =)
been thinking about several issues that i knew i got to make choices and decisions in
church moved to expo..just returned from pm..was great to feel God's presence so strongly..reminding me that i am going on the next level..and that he is always with me
easier said than done..are many things...
i m truthfully tired....in all areas..
thoughts of just giving in..and whether it was all worth while just kept popping in my mind
need to get it all off...i'll find back that first love for Him
know next year won't be any easier or perharps much tougher year to come...balancing all that i have now aren't simple..i really need God
ARRH...how irritating sometimes
i know i am not serving for the sake of just doing it or to show it to others
but all that commitments..just drive so tensed up always...
sick i feel...only he can solve all these for me now...
i dun wanna screw up next year like i did now...
can't afford to
haiz
will someone understand?..maybe?...i have deprived my family severly of time that i spent with them
constantly out doing this and that..it never ends
i know i still love God
but i got to sort it out asap
dun wanna do anything to please anyone
reason why i love God?
because he's real to me..i can see him but i can feel his existence..
how he gave my life a purpose..how he was there for me when the world seems to be collapsing
who else can do that tell me?
who can assure you of a tomorrow that is in his control
its just that simple
no point saying ba
"i am not promising things that i know will not turn out right....i want it to be true and to last"
"its my fault...i lead it on..when i know i shouldn't...i am just gross out at what i do"
its selfish..but rather than hurting anyone
i am fine

blessings

my bro gotten back his PSLE results yesterday...he scored real well...even BETTER than me..hahas
i m not jealous or anything
but when i first guessed the number..it was it...joshua, my youngest bro thgt i knew it before my parents...
but happy for him=)
Praise God!!!
then comes the choice of school....he seem quite urgent to choose it
fairfield?....thgt i grew up there...but think he could go up higher...
he suggested sji...hahas...he could well be keenan's junior...
i fell asleep before i could even help him make up the choices..the medicine makin me madly drowsy...dun seem to think logically
woke up like 4am...ate medicine..and started praying for God's will for my bro
felt so relieved it was the one the schools we all actually decided on..
so its off to first choice nan hua...so he can enjoy the SAP programme thingy..which i think will benefit him ba...lots of chinese...hahas....and its a mixed school
joseph constantly warned me to help him choose properly...its 4 years...and we understand if we get into some particular group of school and end up like "we all know"
thank God for speakin to me =)
yesterdae devotion prac was truly good..and funny...
hahas
going off to meet my buddies..haven seen jeremy for awhile...service at nite
bye

different experience

wow...looks like i haven blog for several days....but been real busy ba
had overnite prayer meetin on fri after service...though i know its gonna test me physically, mentally and spiritually..i really enjoyed the time which i can pray about everything that i have been wanting to bring forward to God...all the needs, my cries, hurts, joy...i feel God's presence very strongly many times...
understand the importance of seeking aft his presence...and that in his presence, the world would grow strangely dim...all i see is his love, power and glory
heard God tellin me to step out more for him...encouraged me with my cell group members....and remind me not to give up in this faith run with Him
realized that i have at many times wanted to throw in the towel, wanted to tell myself "i won't be able to handle all these"
how can i cope with so much commitments...like ushering, cg helper....i would be tempted to just return to the world...
but now God has showed me that his grace is sufficient for me....he is calling me to hang on his promises....trials and tribulations will surely come..but the one that comes out through these valleys are the true children of God
God has renewed my faith...i'll now look to him whenever i feel weak
thank you Jesus =)
alot of things gonna happen for the next few weeks...first the outreach, next class cip from mon to wed..then immediately i'll start work.....both looking forward and also a little fearful...
but perfect love casts out fear...that i'll rmb
been feeling very ill for the past two days...fever going on and off...felt horrible...wanted to vomit...had some ulcers in my throat...coz too heaty le..got to practise abstainence from all forms of fried, oily food..means no more chocolate cookies, no more fastfood...arrrh..but got no choice...
God heal me
happy birthday claire...know its kinda early...think i might not be able to lunch with you all tml le..still not feeling too good..so enjoy urself ya?...

really long day

phew...woke up in the morning..to at first head to sentosa for karmen's bdae...but weather aren't too good..so ended up going to city hall
once i step into it...the feeling of uneasiness just seem to creep in...like i just wanna get out of it..wierd that after one whole year...its still like that
pardon me....but the sun's outing really left me reflecting alot...aft hearing wat mf said..
ARRH...is it that hard to find someone that understands?...maybe thats all in God's plan ba
now i really start to spend much more time bonding with my cg pple..the place where everyone views each other equally...the place which there's no need for pretense...thats exactly how i can feel comfortable to be what i am
left kinda early from the class outing cum celebration.anyway..
HAPPY BDAE KARMEN...
cheer up..and really enjoy the holis..will keep u in prayers =)
the job interview was quite a eye opener...so many people went..even met karen
really hope to be able to secure the job..trusting in God to supply my needs..
thats wat keeps me going...
been so busy spending so much on going out..its time to stop and cut back
tabernacle bs was great...though it ended late...had some tense situations..but its all about our emotions...thank God for the cell and everyone thats in it..including the leader
yup...we must stay united and support each to overcome any trials that may come our way...everyone have a role to play ya...
its gettin real late..
nitez

Personality Test

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ) You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules. You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you. A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up. In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly. At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions. With others, you tend to be polite and formal. As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself. On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

true glory

pw trial todae.....was not bad except that the video refuses to make noises...that why everything seem kinda dull...great work todae pple..thk we all presented our best...our trials till at nite didn't go to waste...too bad we can bring jolene's dog..hahas
i m so worn out....like since the holidays started i hardly had time to sit down and rest....morning out..nite return..
but sermon was great last wk..."people who show true glory are constant tired"
thats something that keeps me goin
thanks pple who's going for sun's maestro monopoly..i m sure it will be fun =)
didn't noe can form one team from the class..so see ya on sun
will let u noe the details later
tml's bio olympiad...emm..but there's far too much to read up in a few days.
i probably need a few months...haha
one thousand mcqs sound terrifying..but just goin for the experience ba
pw needs major revamp..arrh..really hope this fri is the finalised meeting le....so jiayou
[praying hard to get the job]

just another day

todae is one tired day....in the morning woke up late as i slept late
bought my brother to school before headin to pw meeting...and
guess what it ended at 9.10pm like that
i just like reach home half an hour ago
time just past in a flash...if we were to trial another round...it will be midnite
=( sleepy but glad we all put in our best effort..
aft 14th...its ALL over

first 3 months outing was cool though only a few pple turn up..we had fun...especially bowling..
after not playing for so long
great to meet clara, fungi, darren after so long
i did have any round that the ball got into the drain and i get 0...thats a miracle..hahas
next sun is the maestro monopoly...christine remember to get debbie to come run
but dun tell her what i told u...hahas

too fatigue le
good nite

beat but lookin forward

todae's one crazy dae...went sengkang....finally realized there's a huge shopping centre over there...so much for that amazement...
oh ya...tue's bible study is a totally a wake up call for me..
reminded me of the importance of water baptism and how the devil no longer have control over us...=) how simple yet deep revelation..
i got squashed by keenan peg and shawn..nearly fainted during praise and worship but its all worth it
gotta start living afresh..
anyway..back to todae...ended up takin bus all the way to clementi...the whole trip was super long...i couldn't fall asleep
managed to have dinner at JP and tasted that big huge cup of coffee from the foodcourt...great...hahhas...
though the next two weeks will be yet another packed schedule weeks....i m joyful that it means a more steps towards knowing God and his people...
it is easy to say the truth....i have to make it clear...because i m not doing anything wrong...
"the truth shall see the light"
many things though said to comfort..without showing it...it meant nothing
perharps thats something i have to come to terms with..
jeremy and john...we're suppose to meet up soon!?!?
how random...mf's gonna take up my next two fri...because its her birthday..is that fair?..hahas
still stuck with that OP slides..its depriving me of all my nice sleep..tml still need to reach amk at 9.45am wonder how i can wake up
yeah

rest and think

hooray...the feeling of holidays just totally great...although there's still alot of commitments and activities in school and church...at least not every day i'll have to crawl out of bed in the morning
todae chinese...was alrite...not too easy...for the first time i can't wait for it to be over..
went ps and later heeren...with the clique pple...
lunch wasn't exactly delicious but liked the bread...still have that strong chessy smell stuck in my throat..
EHHH =(
finally i can have time to pack up my room and throw away stuff no longer needed...before i move...everything's like in a mess now
many different feelings in my mind now...kinda puzzled by the things going on around me..
things that i heard from fairfield bout school now.....seems all so real to me now..
all that temptations to just "fit in"...at the end of the dae...u should ask whether its all worth it?
i would say no..thats why this is just a transition time for me
for many things i can't say that i would not fall back into...
especially relationships
i can reverse things in the past..but things in the future...my future is the consequence of my actions todae..
but now i know...its God thats the one that leads me..
for now all i want is Him..if u truly noe me..u'll get my point..
its sad that many times pple dun understand what i had to go through..all they see is what the other party feels..
many times i actually didn't want that turn of events but when it comes i just got to accept it
i m not having a good time either
all i want is my friends..
ones that inspires me to love God more each dae
all this i pray

the place i let things go

finally...fri came...although i wasn't exactly anticipating for it to come...i know sooner or later i'll have to get it back and accept it..
was super nervous while gettin back each paper one by one...prayed that i'll do alrite for econs and thats the only one i did
felt a little numb as i stare at the grades..econs got a C which is unexpected but my bio was really very badly done..i should start reflecting man
the whole day..most of the pple are just engulfed in this dark dark atmosphere where we just discuss wat subject to drop....how i wish i can keep my 4 subs but now its kinda late to say this
"did i not put in enough effort?....did i just couldn't understand?.....how can i do better?"i was quietly questioning myself...
i think i have been too used to life in Fairfield....its time to wake up to the truth that everything aren't that relaxing and easy anymore....seriously need effort to get results..
pple in the class were just either pleased or severly disappointed...
one year of JC has ended in such a manner...
thank God i pick myself up...
met joseph and john for our usual "dover lunch"
its amazing how they can just make me so relaxed and take my mind of worrying for unnecessary stuff..
great buddies..
anyway...u guys including jem...this is not the end ya?....we will make till the As de...thats for the sd2 pple too
went home to blast the marion raven cd...trying to drown my sorrows in even sader songs...
didn't noe how to ans my parents so just kept quiet in case i create more problems by replying...
sermon was sorta of sent from God...
reminded that God's grace is sufficient for me...and that i can be a pillar in watever situation
2005 has been the most horrible...full of trials and obstacles year of my life i can say..though the year haven even ended...
but i will rmb that everything is in God's hands and i can just fall into his arms to trust Him to hold me on...=)
happy bdae cheryl...at least have a bdae greeting left on my blog
i need friends for a lifetime..thats all i wanted

a day in the sun

todae is cell group outing day....but not everyone finished their exams le..so those who have papers muz jiayou ya?we'll be praying for u....woke up with a bad headache...at first thgt i won't be able to make it le...then yeah...was muz better later on..
but the time i reach...some of them already left to cycle le..so left mx,jt,keenan and darrell...
the most crazy part was when we start to pull each other into the salty waters of siloso beach...
everyone was so afraid of the water..but in the end no one can escape except merrien..not even poor issac...
swam across to the man made rocks thing to just climb up to see the view..that cool windy and yet salty wind just made u loosen up so much =)
i forgotten to bring my towel as i left so hurriedly in the morning...that was not the worse...
jeanie,ms,jt went to play the lugh (is it spelled like that?) wanted to play but i was really broke
met joseph at town later...though i was kinda worn out but it was great...

realize how many things that any friendship can face..u name it..it might take place...at many times it seem so fragile...like how someone can be ur friend for one moment..the next moment when u need help he or she disappear from ur presence..wat friends are that?...
so many things if we can just sit there and think...i can gurantee nothing would happen...
if u feel that things are getting too wishy washy...clear it!do something!
now it the time for me to really get right with God for my friends...the basic building block is trust and being open and honest always....
hey...we muz have another buddies outing again next week...we haven all met together yet
looking for God's guidance and hiding under His wings for comfort =)

i dun know

hey...i think its time for me to revive my dead blog...haven like blog for one whole month...
anyway...there's like so much that happen over this whole month
i m still so glad promos are over....its was just a misery..now i just got to trust Him for the results..i just wanna promote please
truthfully i was totally not in the mood to prepare for the papers......can remember how i can just pause a few min before the paper to think bout stuff...i m out of my mind
its true that this whole year has been like a rollercoaster for me...went through all kinds of ups and downs...God really enlarge my faith even i fall and fail so many times
he's faithful....
now just praying for my aunt,godma....still can't accept that she's a totally different person...its always sad to see my loved ones suffering and gettin hurt
has stop asking why but instead how is God going to work through all these
todae's a crazy day....got the last min msg from john that they're going jem's house..
at first thgt couldn't meet them le....but really glad still manage to in the end
and i can't seem to find that swim trunks that i saw before...oops..not suppose to say that
the four buddies haven met for ages...its like we last went out together last year
that feeling of being just so comfortable and free with them...even crapping or just staring blankly in the air wouldn't matter
i think that's what best friends are...haha
as usual we're up to our usual teasing and laughing at each other..and of coz i m always the target..
we played tennis...i feel totally ashamed of myself aft the whole game..was just busy hitting balls out of the court's fence...=P
soon will be charged by jem
went dinner at town...wasn't that pleasant especially if u have to eat carbon filled fried chicken..now feel sick coz of it...but we dumbly finish most of it...think we're starving madly
hahas...
holidays is meant for family and friends...and to buy new stuff for the new house..yeah
going to spend it to clear up alot of things that been happening...need to be truthful and free =)
cell group beach outing on sat....=)

we only have one chance

everything's kinda settled and over....but for me i just can't seem to put it behind..images of how we followed the funeral procession..how we just can't help to cry..even my little brother did though he wasn't sure what's really happening...realize how short and precious life is...better do what u always wanna..dun live in regret..
i had enough
dun talk bout studies, dun talk bout work
i am like a small boat losing its direction when a wave come head on and make me drift away
nothing seems to matter to me now

a tribute to my "ah gong"

i dun really noe how to start but i am still so shocked that so many things happen within the past few days...when i heard that he had a fall and was rushed to a&e...flashes of the previous incident at changi hosp creeped up my mind
totally anxious for his safety
i miss him already..so so much
all the family members were so worried that my mom and the aunties broke down in tears
when the doc said that he suffer serious brain damage
my heart sank
i kept praying and crying out to God to bring healing to his life
to keep him with us....everything's just too sudden
i can't accept it
tried to hold on to my tears but when i held him with my hands while he laid unconscious on the hosp bed to pray for him
tears just flow down
i feel so hurt lookin at him undergoing so much suffering
my life lost direction for a moment
i could always recall how i grew up with my grandparents from nursery
how he will always hold me by the hand to the bakery to buy bread
how he will be so strict to scold me for making noise or just not following table rules
i can never forget how the family used to gather many times for dinner together
how he will always crack jokes to disturb my grandma
how me and my grandparents used to wake up very early in the morning which i dun wish to, to go to the nearby riverside for a walk or to exercise
how i always like to wait till 3pm which is our tea time and me and my cousins would pester them to bring us down for toast and coffee
i remember hearing my mom said stories bout him working so hard to support the family of 8 in the past
i prayed and asked that he'll wake up again like he would
but life's not predictable
i miss him alot
know no amount of tears or unhappiness would bring him back
ah gong know that i love u...and i am sure u want us to be happy and to move on

DREAD

yeah...todae's is sorta the last day for school term...time really flies super fast...
todae's kinda more relaxing i guess..
we had lots of laugh of ikea...karmen really have bull strength..hahas
desperately need lots of sleep now..but i just can't afford to coz there's just so much to do...
STRESSED!!really hate that feeling
my head's spinning like mad..i try to look relax on the outside but i can't seem to hide the tense inside....i feel so li bu cong xing in my studies...need to devote much more time to revise or else my promos will end up no where
breakaway from all these
i need to stop questioning and doubting
ARHHHH
God i can't do this alone..i need you..please guide the path in front of me..
light the way...comfort me to let me know that i m not going through this alone
let my heart have faith and trust in you fully
no matter wat no matter when no matter why
that's my first love to your Lord
i live for u
=)

can't sleep

dun noe what i am doing here..but just can't leave like tt..hahas
can't wait for wed to come..going to climb fence or dig underground to go back to fairfield..and stay there forever...i wish..
haha..but its rare to meet all the teachers who did so much for students like me...arrHH..
the memories are all flowing through my mind..well..=P
i need to do pw..NOWW
sometimes i wonder how i survive the days not finishing tutorials...
i need to study smart..
really need to make a decision bout something...which's making me think alot..and God's prompting me to make a change..
yup...shall pray and seek his guidance..no more "i feel like doing this i do" days
gettin sleepy now..=)

I've found mine...have you?

yeah..term 3 is coming to an end..finallly...
really enjoyed the weekend without realizing that i actually got lots and lots of hw..
but well leave tt for later...
fri was service...pst preached a great msg that i thk was really for me..
7 things to hindering God's destiny in my life
1) Unteachable spirit- when we think that we know and can do everything with our own strength
2) Unfulfilled promises-when we promise God...we either make sure we do it or not make a vow
3) Unforgiveness
4) Unwise association-when u're too close to someone that probably do not have the same faith as u...
5) Untamed tongue (didn't catch the exact thing coz the phrase sounded so chem) but i guess its just to watch wat u say
6)Undeveloped gifts
7) Undecisive heart
yeah..i got no idea why i typed it all out..but i guess it awoken me from my lost period..so maybe it'll encourage u =)
was so tired on fri i dropped dead when i reach home..
sat was fun..went out to town to get my shirt...aft walking for so long...
todae was cell group dae....thk sun morning is a superbly gd time to have cell..like real fresh and awake...
many times pple will question our faith ba..but i guess the most important thing is that we muz not waver on the inside no matter how bad pple try to pull u down..
hang on..and ur breakthrough is near...=)
" for u alone deserve all glory, for u alone deserve all praise, father we love u and we worship u this day"
=)

When everything else doesn't really matter

had a long weekend at NTU..which i didn't complete the story...but come to think of it..i still think camp ideapolis is real cool..=)
at first signed not knowing wat's going...onlu know it might look good on my portfolio...but within that two days....i learnt so much..how to survive lectures which doesn't seem applicable...hearing different high position business pple talk...explore how gloomy NTU can be..and how huge it is..we pratically ran from place to place..hahas..
the food was fantastic..yeah..lots of food for every meal..seems unbelievable at first..or should i say scary..hahas...but tea time is the best...there's coffee and banana slices..haha
hmm...didn't contribute much at first to brainstorming...felt bad..so decided to play a part in the presentation ba...was so nervous that my voice seem to shake..haiz..
but aft it..we got through preliminary and finals..
rmb how i sat there during the finals just praying and like trusting that God will have the results in his hands...
Yup..and he never fail to hear my prayers...=)
think most of the prize will go to saving and Arise and Build..praise God..he really lead me through the times that my pocket seem to threaten to be empty...he just provide a bridge across the path that seem to lead off the cliff...
havin NAPFA tml..muz pass!
been so routined by wat life got to offer..need something different..lookin forward to service daily..seriously..i now understand wat it meant to hope in the Lord alone everyday..yeah =)
everything's changed
miss the old days...and can't wait to be back to fairfield...and will get to meet up with jem,joseph and john.....=)
"my soul cries out for more of u my Lord, my portion and hope.
i close my eyes and feel u near, there's nobody else that can take your place in my heart"

NTU_CRAZE

been stuck at NTU for the last two days for the ideopolis camp!!!hmm....though it takes the whole day....like 10am to 8am...some parts of it have been quite fun...

worn totally out

i am dying of fatigue...feel like giving up..

change.change.change

my mind's been spinning round and round, i feel so uneasy inside...and my face is sour like no one's business..
felt real tired due to lack of sleep todae....felt even more sick aft maths and econs, first i can't seem to prove for the test..got discouraged once again..that's not the end..econs i just passed
feel so freaked out and can't help but wonder how come my grades are deterioating so much
so helpless at times....God help!!!
been very sensitive to the things happening around me nowadays
my head hurts
thank God for being there for me...I am moving...first time since i was born at the place i am living in now...though the new place will be kinda far from here but praise God that can get such a good location and a bigger place..which means a bigger room!..hahahs
i need to learn to trust....in these massive storms thats sweeping me off my feet
cell group gonna shift over to service 1...got so surprised at first coz it will just take place over this week...always believe that God has a greater plan for our cell group...we're gonna see revival...really pray that the members will all be able to go for the new service and cg meeting..including the pple that we haven seen for so long..i'll surely miss the ushers that i got to meet in section 10...they're just so nice...though starting all over doesn't really seem so nice..but i never know...it might be even better...will treasure the times i spent with 311 pple....and the rest..
joseph..we must still meet on sun ya?..
"the trials and temptations are piling up, i feel weak physically drained emotionally, but God says that he will work things together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose"
I'll hold on to this promise always...

thanks cheryl for keeping me sane...=)

true worship

haven updated my blog for sometime le...had a very very busy weekend...yup....firstly there was fop at indoor which i ushered for....wasn't really feeling well over the whole week...at first a thought just sprang up telling me not to go...to just rest at home..but i know God stirred me up..to obey him...truly i never regretted going....although support was really long...and ushering really drained me out...i enjoyed the praise and worship....especially the part by hillsong..for such a long time..i never had such a long time just devoted to sink into God's presence and to be grateful for all he's done in my life...
ushering for an external event was a very different experience...people sometimes do not regard ushers as there to serve God's people and were kinda rude..yup..but after all we're there for God alone =)
overjoyed that huiling, mandy, brandon and jade came on sat....at first all the queues were super confusing..but in the end they still met meifeng and the rest..ahahs...yeah..so glad u all came...pray that God spoke to each of u in a special way
reached home at 12.15am like tt on sat...but super energetic...read the bible till bout 2am..then went to sleep..and woke up at 6am...amazed that i could get up
and off to chc's anniversary...oh....loved the atmosphere of church..yeah..many of the cell group members were not around though...ushered at the same place..north balcony!but got used to it..and prefer serving there now..
during service...many time..i nearly wanted to fall asleep..but thank God that he gave me strength to last through it...the cell group went off to suntec's sky garden in the end...we bought bk,macs,yong tau fu,spring chicken,kfc, choc milk...having a feast at the sky garden..the weather was hot though..and i got super embarrassed to find out that my pants got a small tear...ARHH!!
by sun..i was really drained physically...just kept taking naps on mon...couldn't even sit down to do work or anything.....super frustrated with that =(
"many times i felt like giving up running this race, many times my wings got sore and i just dipped to hit the cold ground, i seriously don't know what tomorrow will hold, how will i survive the next day"
but i always remember God says "those who hope in me shall renew their strength, they shall soar with wings like eagles"...wat a comforting verse that my hope is in Christ
got to pray bout my commitment for usher ministry...felt half hearted at times..and the ic isn't making things easier for me...
problems seem to come in a flow..the family financial prob is starting to seem alarming..dad's staying at home much longer..at times i wanna break down to cry..but i can't...i don't blame anyone, anything...
i have God by my side..i'll live my life to the fullest and happiest
todae we had cell group outreach..didn't start too well..i expected that when i send that msg, i'll get that reply....that i'll take the responsibility
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
enough of sad or problems...i'll look to the bright side of things....we had fun pouring water into each other's cup when the water landed on my nose or someone's face...we flipped coins..and tried scooping mentos out of flour...i was a little greedy..was thinking to take one to eat..hahas
thanks jt, issac, meifeng, keenan, darrell...it was fun to take part in todae's games with u all..
i love you Lord..no matter what
happy national day!!!=)

its Fairfield!

last sat was fairfield's founder's day!!!hahas....its like i still remember how last year when we graduated and we complained that founder's day is all the way in august..but wow..time just flies till august...its like i was running around in the canteen...touring the school during recess..having our guys talk in a round red table...rushing wif my frenz to be first in the queue for chinese food or western food...how we fall in love wif malay food...how we laugh at each other when something ungraceful happen..life's truly interesting =)
felt a little awkward sitting alone in front with all the other book prize winners..think i under-dressed le..hahas..like was comparing this and that...and the service was just great...to be able to see so much people in that all familiar YELLOW uniform..hee...the 4 years are the one that left the deepest impression in my heart....even as mr lim sang "now may all come behind us find us faithful, may our fire of our devotion light their way, may the footprints that we made, inspire us to believe" tears seem to like welled up...maybe i am too emotional..
miss the environment so much..the school seem to be filled with lots of verses and letters when last year the principal told us that our school fund couldn't afford it yet..the field feel super restricted and caged
feel so honoured to get a book prize...like never had the chance..and somemore its chinese..the subject that i like..hahas..wierd me..
after the service...the whole class went to bukit timah pizza hut...a rare outing..but a happy one...
ate alot..the new pizza with overflowing cheese crusts is so delicious....but it cost a bomb to me ba..time to save even more
after the whole dinner..it was time to say goodbye...like a little reluctant though i know all of us has already move on in life...='(
we had TOT aft that...aft squeezing 5 pple into one cab...that make the day end so nicely...
i realize how true and real the friends are beside me and i am never alone...yeah
sunday..just continued the weekend with such a breakthrough for me..feel so blessed to have rev mike around...can see that many members are set free through this incident..that its time to stop circling that mountains or problems..but to go straight to solve it...many pple are just walkin aimlessly round their mountain..praise God that u are relevant and u changed my life =)
and to whoever that is so concern to keep taggin insults on my tagboard..if its really u....i don't see what has i done to cause such a strong reaction..if its the past..i apologise..but time has since long pass and u urself have move on so much le..is there a need to still hurl such words at me...?
irritating...
"i live for God alone"
i am choosing the path to stay single coz God is the only one that i wanna devote my time to now..

collide

reverted back to my first blogskin...still think its simple yet nice..
todae's a pretty normal day...i think i was lookin forward to going ren ci aft missing so many trips there...hahas..and went wif kailin, joseph and his classmates who wanted to go for a cip..
being back at ren ci really brought back alot of memories..when karmen..hl they all first went..meet some of the same old folks again and one of them recognised me...happy..and called me by my surname...the whole thing ended kinda early and i feel real refreshed aft tt..will keep going for it now...
at least there's something different from normal school stuff
been thinking quite abit nowadays...and straighten quite alot of thoughts...realize tt i have become so so sensitive to things around...words pple say..like they just ring in my head for the whole day...
just finish writing the letter...feel like i let out so much i wanted to say...yeah
God come and guide my path..i'll not wander or seek aft the wrong things in life
i miss my three other frenz...hey guys...see ya all on sat..we can meet again..=')
how i wish we dun need to part

light amidst the darkness

Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God"
wat a important principle which we always tend to forget...to give thanks in every situation..and know that God might seem far but actually he's leadin you by your hand
yeah..todae was quite a funny day...
finally had enough sleep for one day..didn't wanna fall asleep during lectures...chinese seem so dull and quiet and long..but we got bio as a off period....=)
i realize karmen..claire..and the rest is tryin to create new scandals again..really scandalous..hmm..dun anyhow link k?...hahas
been wanting to finish up all the hw that i have lag for so long..in that ready to mug mood again..
and todae interact was tense...i keep feeling the need to pee....should i quit or go on all the way?
been jumping ccas for quite awhile..felt uneasy...
time to settle down..so happy i finish chem eqm tutorial finally..can finally move on...and i m yet to collate my pw survey results...our group need to get more things done..
found several articles that actually so appropriate for our project..and some also suggest tt our program is already being implemented elsewhere...=( need to do more alteration
guys jiayou...
fairfield founder's day on sat...can't wait to go back...miss it so much..hahas
and thanks pple around me..know u all are concerned bout me..thanks..i am already fine le..
just that at times i prefer to be a loner..to spend some time in solitude..its different i guess...
coz i am quiet one actually..hahas..am i?
anyway...time to do pw..niteZ..
God Bless

i dun know wat's wrong

something seriously going wrong...i can't express it...feel kinda empty in my heart
like i have friends around me but they seem to be around....there physically...but not otherwise
i think i am just thinking too much..its driving me crazy...
and whoever that tag on my board...please keep my board free from vulgarites..stop giving nonsensical comments
pissed at such rubbish
dun worry..i am not feeling upset or depressed..its just that normal feeling of loneliness filling me again...loneliness' a mental sickness!!
i need to let myself relax...been too caught up with what's going on around me...
come on..i know what i am doing...
sometimes i do wonder what's the point in going through all these ups and downs..they really make people super stressed out
u're like drifting in a vast ocean..all alone to hang on till the last
united live's look to you is so nice..reminds me of the truth that i hold dearly
"So i look to you, so i look to you, no one else will do"
"As i look into the sky above, wonder how my life has changed, wonder how your love it came to me"
Indeed Jesus is incomparable...nothing on this earth is worth more to me than him
i feel so relieved that i have him every moment of my life
been so messed up that i haven done my work
got to get goin...tml's will be a more joyous day =)

said it...i hope

hmm..for the past few days many things had been kinda uncertain..but todae was a nice day except that i got terrified that i need to run 2.4...at first thgt i should do my best for it...so for the first few rounds i ran very fast...but when it came the 3rd round....something just came to my mind...it really made me lost my determination..so i started to slow down and started walking...and i failed!
huiling..dun think too much bout the prob and rest well ya?.....it will be solved if its mean to be
tml having gp test better go read finish it...
i finally expressed what i felt...dun noe what's going to happen next...but just really pray that we can be friends for now...felt so selfish that i actually said it..but in a sense...it was clearer..probably i didn't do my part..i only know how to say
its was all my fault..i can't deny that
u can find someone better than me...
i'll be fine

before i sleep

i love my mom!...the real one of coz...felt so strong bout it coz i wrote an essay bout motherly love....although i am kinda bad at descriptive essays..but i think its a nice experience...
hmm...thanks debs..yup i know..dun worry he can say whatever he feels like...

welll...the world have eyes to see...if u wanna say it to my face!
depriving of people's oxygen on earth..its a waste to the society

well..basically i am agitated..so just ignore wat i say...

its saddening enough to see how people change in different circumstances..how their true identity all leaked out coz it can't be contained...

who's the one forming formulas, theories...?

"I live your way, i am running forever with you.
This day is your day, i am giving my whole life"

"you mean everything to me, you're all this world can never be"

God is.

HAPPY bdae==touched*

wat day is todae?.....hahahs..thats so lame of me...its my bdae!!
okies..anyway i got so much to say and so much to thank about
let's start wif last sat....went wif hl and cheryl to town to have a mini celebration
hee..it was simple yet enjoyable..although they didn't get a chance to make me do stupid stuff..though i was forced to wear that wierd blue earrings..magnetic one..feel very itchy though
and both of them are in cahoots from the start
i reach like late already...hl act at orchard le..but she claims tt she's at outram..made me keep walkin back and forth the mrt
evil!
then we went around town..far east..taka...wisma...heeren..cine..the usual places..i think they tried to come up wif some evil plots but i disturbed them too much le..they couldn't finalize wat to do..hahas..though we didnt really did much tt day...we enjoyed each other's company
>>Cheryl>>thanks for tt wallet..real thoughtful..and comes wif lots of sweets!...sweet =P
>>hl>>the pendents are nice...though similar..but just wat i like =)

and todae..well..its the first time i feel excited going school on my bdae..dun really make it like some important last time..but this time i was so anxious...could feel tt atmosphere when i step into school=)
oh ya..a big thank you to all the pple who msged me..muz take care k?...haven been in contact wif so many of u all..but u all remembered
thanks vic for making that prayer come true for a job..can't wait to start work..ahhas
God's true to all his promises..his love last forever!

claire gave me a red shirt and love-filled cookies...u can really become a baker or chef someday..they so nice...keep eating them during lessons..hahas
and karmen...i m not untidy okie?..hahas..but unwrapping ur present really make me laugh
sorrie for listing down everyone who gave me gifts..coz i m too excited le

thanks W263 my cell group for that cd..another dream come true..u all are the best..continue loving God more..we'll move to the next level together as a cell =)

got real touched especially when karmen and hl braved the rain to get me a cake aft my listening compre....the cake got a cool name..OPPOSITE ATTRACt...didnt noe cakes also have meanings ar..but at first i got terrified as i rmb how cream used to fill my face for my bdae two years ago..so wanted to run away..but the moment they sang the bdae song..feel the warmth of the friendships we all shared..thanks mandy,claire.jade,hong yiong,lizzie for being there..and of coz...my happy tree frenz...jeremy,joseph and john..YeAH!

so i made my wish wif my eyes wide open as i try to blow the candles one by one
thgt i am cautious and could avoid getting a calamity...so in the end attacked them..noe its evil...but only karmen got a little cream..hope it doesnt give u dandruff on ur hair..hahas
but hl sneaked up and poured cold water on my back...so bad..so cold...BERber...

hahahhas...sounds like i was just having fun in school..hmm...i am really grateful to God for having friends like u all around me..noe u all are always there for me..and i'll do the same too..treaure and love u all..and praise God for being faithful...=)

anyway..debs..i am trying to gain weight la..and stay happy always

i might not know wat will happen tml..but there's one thing for sure....even as i open my eyes tml..to breathe the fresh air..God will still be around by my side...he promised to never leave or forsake those who love Him..wat a great promise..

many decisions i might make by my human logic and thought..but God please guide me to be a better person..i am afraid i'll hurt innocent people..i want her to be happy only...i dun need to ask for more..i m happily single..and i want it that way now
to love God alone..and seek aft his face...nothing will change tt

happy bdae to myself..hahas..so bhb..but a big huge large thanks* for making 2005 bdae such a unforgettable one...God bless ya all

people do not get flustered by wat that person might say or do...we live not according to man's standard..trials and challenges we will surely face..but as long as we stand true to God's cause...there's no one that can scare us..its not the numbers..its the attitude and belief we all hold on to...no one's perfect...not even the one that think that he can be or is already..dun waste ur saliva swearing..its pointless ya?...we got to live like we usually do...coz we are right and true
God will see us through this =)

wat's next?

todae's a unusual day
wasn't really angry coz i really got no idea why it turned out this way
saw through how weak friendship can be....how things can change in just one nick
its time to move on guys..we're old enough to do that i am sure..
yes..be angry but do not hold on to it...its not time to find fault
everyone is not perfect..the only thing u can do is to look to God who is perfect
my birthday comin...seems like a gloomy one..when others are happpy...i'll naturally be also..
my heart is piled up with so much thought
i missed worship at church....never can forget how i cried during the first song and how i feel God askin me to give him my hand that he'll carry me through it all
"i'll bless the Lord forever, whatever i am in"
parents are very obviously gettin worried and doubtful bout the months to come..to the extent that my everyday normal expenses in school can also be treated as a spending too much
at first was really fed up..but come to think of it..i should be standing by their side...they need me now...we need to be together as one family

back to my nerdy days...yeah at least there's pple think i look better wif specs..
cool?hahas

i do not wish for much on my bdae..just a complete and blessed family
i love u lord!!

its time to

perhaps i have led my life, 16 years, in bliss, in happiness
perhaps i haven been through too much unstability in the family that will make me worry
perhaps i took everything for granted
perhaps i never spared a thought about the family's financial status

now that this happen, i am caught helpless
i seriously don't know what to do
what that i can help
there's no point struggling in this
i am forced to a corner
wat's next?!?

why muz life be so tough when i am about to settle down
i know there's no point complaining like this
but my heart really hurts
i feel so so burdened

things will take a sharp change i guess
but i got to face it strongly
i am going to do my part to save whatever i can
every single cent counts

pray that God will be fulfil his promise that he will prosper those who walk in his ways
even at this state of despair i'll look to him

"Lord you're always here with me, there's no changing God in thee
You are the same yesterday and today and forever more"
"And when the storms are drawing near, when i am with you i don't have to fear, you're my shepherd on whom i can depend"

thank you lord...no matter how hard circumstances are...i'll give thanks in it

out in town

todae's a wierd day...went out with hl...in the morning...act suppose to meet cheryl too..but she wasn't feeling well..hmm..hl was like lookin at earrings...and we went to eat chicken rice at far east...was horrified when she suggested that i should go pierce my ears too...
oh fine...never i'll do tt i guess...ended up meetin karmen, claire, mandy at heeren...well..all girls..how nice is tt..hahas...felt out and wierd expectedly...like moody
meet many pple tt i knew..like clara...karen...and some tt were from fairfield..
i am in poverty...God help...ya...really cutting down on my spending..but there's still not enough
school's starting tml...goin back to tt long days and lectures..
should i meet go wif the rest for dinner tml?...broke
anyway..cheryl rest well..all the best for ur orals..
oh ya..we took neoprints...and we couldn't change positions in time..end up...taking odd faces...
hahahas

"i am giving my whole life to you..there's nothing in this world tt i wish for"

there's more to it

suddenly that feeling just come back again...
the need to find someone..
that really understands u..to stand by u...no matter wat
to love wat u love..and is willing to spend their life with you
hahas..i am thinking too much
anyway...really wanna give tuition..i think it will be something i'll enjoy
and like to teach other pple and seeing them understand...so satisfied

"here i am, once again...i am torn into pieces...can't deny..can't pretend...just thought u were the one"

"i dun cry on the outside anymore"

in you i trust..through it all...

finally...exams over

yeah..one whole week of term exams are finally over...so so glad...felt that many times i didn't do my best for it....regret it a little now...probably i wasn't serious enough..only rmb tt maths and chem's gross to the extent i really can't be bothered to worry bout it...its pointless i guess
wanna really thank God tt i am still alive..hahas...tt he's the one by my side through every single qn and paper..
"so i look to you..so i look to you...no one else will do"
i can't describe how grateful i am tt i have tis assurance in the most stressed period of my life..with him...my life's never the same
dun really feel extremely happy to party but just relieved i have some rest now..
joseph just reminded me tt arise and build...church building fund is coming..on my bdae week..hahas
kinda excited for it...though i noe it will probably mean alot more sacrifices tt i'll have to make..
maybe i'll go find a job..giving tuition?...hahahs..if the kids dun become stupid aft i teach them
and mon's youth day..how nice..got one more day to rest and prepare before school start all over again..

felt a little disappointed and misunderstood todae..and it left me thinking...do my parents really understand me?...frustrating when u have no means of going against them..but they accuse u of overspending...
i am already so tight on my expenses le..if i still control...wat will i eat?
prob sometimes i noe there's unnecessary costs..but now its just the weekend aft exams can't i have some time off..haiz
i want some ability to make choices...they dun want me to choose wrongly
i guess that they love me too much tt they want to see me going the wrong way
yup...so i just gonna let it out of my mind..no point gettin all upset over things so close to you..
we only have one family in this life..treasure it..no matter how otherwise it might seem

watched wars of the world with my bro...at cine...it was nice..nice NICE..though a little illogical..
like all the things are made up
hahahs...but it was a great movie..and i saw meihui too...yeah..=)

got addicted to swimming and enjoying the sun..it will be a weekly affair i hope
going to church tml...and the thought of the cell group just came to my mind
really love the pple..and pray tt we'll unite together for the same cause...let's not just say tt we'll lay our life at his feet" but disappeared when work or family piles up...but give our best to him
once u experience him..u'll never feel the same..u'll keep coming back for more of God

leave tis thought wif u guys ba...and God bless...enjoy the long weekend
niteZ

help!

there's no point....i should have started studying earlier...now its really last min...there's so much to read...and i can't focus...wat horrible time management..
two more papers down...though it was kinda tough...and like got no idea how i'll do..
..i can only trust in God....

ARRH

i am stressed...so much notes...so little time...

Apple Crumble-BEFORE =) 

Apple Crumble-AFTER 

SWEN...SEN...YUM!

yeah...i realized very last min tt i was holding on to the 40 bucks swensen voucher..till like 3 days before it expire..freaked out..and quickly asked peg and keenan to go eat..after much asking..only managed to get peggie....
oops...sorrie pple...should have held tt swensen trip much earlier...
anyway...i ate alot on tues...till i couldn't leave JP
we had baked rice...pizza...apple crumble....iced mocha...cappucino (is tt spelt rite?)
ahhahs.....i only noe i was like so pleasantly amazed at the food...esp the apple crumble..the ice cream on top of a hot pie...and smoke emerged when the waitress pour the apple bits on the pan...
won't mind eating it again...haha
got to talk to peg quite a bit..and know lots of things i wasn't aware of...wat a double blessing..thanks peg for going anyway...take care of tt baby socks..hee

"stubborn-your way"

many times pple just dun get it...they think they're right and everyone must follow them..they thought they're the most logical person and they think tt the rest are dumb...in all cases i only love and trust in God alone...no matter wat u say...it doesn't change anything

Reflections

hey...i am in J1 now...without even knowing...though the 4 years in fairfield still seem so clear in my mind...how we had a new principal who talks...and talks...having leadership courses like no one business...morning assembly seem more like a prison's morning training...how i am always reaching school late...at 7.10-7.20am just before the bell rings...how i got detention for being late once...=P how i always so hardworking in sec 1...how i nearly flung maths in sec 1...how i just play and play in sec 2 till i nearly got kicked to the next class....how the friends around me just changes..even the one u're close might just depart the next day...how the class was so different in sec 3...when alot of new pple came in...how we always look next door into ACJC...thinking tt its seem so far away from us....how we just talk non stop in chinese lessons...and got the teacher so irritated..how i got to know my 4 best frenz....though we're just plainly irritated and teased each other daily...we're still for each other....how early school will always end and we'll complain like mad if there's extra lessons till 4pm...thought tt was the latest ever...hahahs...still rmb how my frenz will always announce things i told them the next day giving me no space to hide...how we dread to go for BB...how we overcome the darkest secret of BB and confronted the leaders....sounds like an adventure but tt really held us together....in a flash its over and it's just great...

brother power...=) 

Emerge!

in a flash, two weeks of holis have just past me by...probably i didn't treasure my time too well...been so caught up with going out...meeting up old frenz....and church events...do feel too tired to carry on at times...forgotten that term exams are just round the corner and i haven even start do feel pressurizing...
lets recall...hahahs...went for class outing on the first week of holis to east coast...though not the whole class turned up..its was kinda fun...and i learnt how to cycle...FINaLLY!...after my brothers keep laughing at me when they pick it up within a day and i took years...=P
that outing really let my mind slow down a little and take it off all the school stuff...which is a big headache...still rmb how everyone was shocked when tt couple took off in one bike....while i struggle to keep up with karmen and liz..
got crazy over cycling that i went there wif my family the next evening...sunday...hahahs...miss such outings...and such quality family time..and realize how much my parents had toiled for this family..yeah =)
as for the second week...it was emerge conference...yup...my church's youth conference...from 7/6-9/6 at first was very drained coz had to reach there by 8am..but gradually i felt the presence of God...it was fantastic...once received a sms from my church frenz askin me not to give up no matter how tough circumstances might be..."just hold on, trust in the lord, and the breakthrough is near"
hahas...tt really keep me going...the confer let me come to terms with God many things in my life...my attitudes, actions...speech..wow..its truly life changing...still rmb at the last nite...the presence of God just overwhelmed me...encouraging me...comforting me...telling me he's by my side..just like a little kid running into the embrace of his father after he had been lost for days..how great
now that the conference had ended...i do miss it...and now its the first day of the third week...PW is just horrible when majority of the group is not around...we can't move on...when all the other groups are already carrying out surveys...and interviews...i was so frustrated by it...but glad tt 4 out of 5 are back...hahahs..can start work...
been spending alot of my allowance this month to the extent tt i exceeded the amt...so spendthrift...time to cut down and become thrifty..haha
indeed...a group of permanent true friends is better than just having one which is special
i always believe in that
praise God..gtg meet my pw pple...take care

holidays started

wah...i think my blog has lay in a "sleeping" mood for a long time...and now that holis have started...finally things are starting to slow down...yeah =) just got to put aside the fact that term exam is aft the holis...surely will miss school somehow..come to think of it..life's have never been the same since i step into AC...it got more complicated...tiring...frustrating...with the equal amount of fun...joy....company of friends..so God's fair to us...hahahs
had a half day on friday..i think that was super rare...but it was great ba...went town with my frenz..hl..claire..abraham..and karmen..hahahahhas..oh no i m so sorrie karmen..i got reminded of wat happen..so for ur info...a cow fell off a chair at macs taka...when i sat on it a minute ago and even rock on it..hahahhahs =P oh no..tts so bad...glad she didn't hurt herself...though i didn't see it...i also burst out laughing
its the first time...the whole group of us went out..yeah...muz have more of that ya?.....was quite upset by my economics, and biology test results..probably i didn't put in enough work
went jeanie's chalet..that bdae gal...had lots of fun...even got wet..and aloha resort is so cool..and big..if we could book it ourselves...ended up sleeping in the living room....drenched...went home in a groggy mind..with a irritated food court aunties fighting within themselves...
sun...service calmed me down alot...usher for quite a long while..sudden feel so good to be able to serve in such a manner...praise God..though i was worn...went dancing wif the church pple
"Love never fails"...i don't understand why must people cause a thing like "loving someone" to upset or strain close friendship..its kinda dumb.."love is kind, it never bears in mind any wrong" but does it always work tt way?

no longer I

here's how it goes..."You mean everything to me, you're all the world can never be"...i guess that really hit me hard..in case u're wondering who is the you..its God...muz be life is so fast now that i am really touched by the song
haven blog for ages..so well..i m back..hahhas...hmm..let me think..i only rmb i ran 2.4...got quite bad 12.34min..considering i m the last in class..i vomited in the toilet...which i felt totally gross out..and sick..but thank God for healing me...
yeah..and this is the last tests week for this term..can't describe how glad i am...and June holis coming..lots to expect..like emerge....relax..play...take a breather...study?..ahhahs..
hahahs...i can still recall i struggled for Gp test coz i was stuck at the first question for 5 to 10 min...was panicking so much..but miraculously i finished the paper...todae's the last day of the long weekend..went town with joseph on sat..played pool for awhile..saw many familiar faces..
had cell group at jeanie's place..did tt crazy dance wif jian ting..though i probably forgotten everything by now...okies..i m just typing wat i rmb..so sorrie if its messy
"the future holds so much surprises, many times i really do not know wat's next, whether i am doing the right things at the right times"
actually wanted to go out with hl, karmen, and mandy todae..but i realize i got wordpower trials tml...God give me BIG BIG memory...
hhahas...hope to meet the guys up soon to go out..its been so long we went out together...
finally...i bought planet shakers "rain down"....yeah
was so irritated by the gp compre...esp the AQ..but glad i finished it le..
gtg meet parents for dinner..see ya guys tml..

Knock knock

todae felt kinda grumpy and rude...bad...anyway...i had a great service..plus i saw CLARA (sd2) at church...super shocked and happy..hahas..didn't expect to see her at jurong west..yeah..her frenz invited her there..hope she like and enjoyed the service..=)
gtg for my uncle's wedding..feel tired but hungry..shall listen to my stomach..hahahs..congrats uncle =)

Arrh...its gross

todae went town wif cheryl and huiling..yeah..can get to meet up again though we're in different schools..ahahs..at first kinda stressed by school...so i guess its time to loosen up a little =)
knew tt hl wanted to watch house of wax...so was like emm..another horror movie?
am i not horrified enough..
the movie was more gross than scary....i think i covered my eyes less this time..
ewww...like using the thing used to cut wires to cut the person's finger..superglue the lips..spear through paris hilton's head..wax peeling to expose the flesh of living person..okie..all the wax figurines are real dead people..then was sayin pple the bro killer looked like samara's bf..
tts out of point..oh ya...saw debs at wisma..kinda surprised..
thk hl felt better now..treasure life ar?u only one life to live..to the fullest
we took pics down every escalator from top of heeren down..so dumb..but funny =P
suppose to do my work but ended up online again..
YEah...invited cheryl and hl for emerge confer...hope it will really change their life..
todae was just great...never feel so relaxed for so long le..lookin forward for tml service..and weddin dinner..which is a rare thing..time to exercise my eating skills =P
take care pple..nitezZ

true friends

true frenz do not criticize each other...they take each other as they are..they share the joys and pains together...when u're happy..they laugh with u..when u face a problem..they help u to accompany u through it all..when u're upset...they cheer up..they leave a permanent mark in ur life =)

Taking a turn in life

ahahas...so fast...a week just passed in a flash..actually was dreading this week as there is just so many tests and tutorials to complete..wanna the june holis to come quick
real glad i went for conference on wed..its was just great..felt the strong presence of God..it changed my whole idea of school and stuff..used to just feel so irritated in school and just tt i wanna give up..
but feel tt God was telling me to have even stronger faith in Him through the rocky and hard times...u dun need faith when everything is just going on fine in ur life..
yeah..passed my maths test but flunged my chemistry..gotta work harder..
weekend services coming..pple gotta try to invite ur frenz..
ahahs...thanks claire for walkin wif me back on thurs...yah..i feel less stressed le
come to learn tt many things in life just seem super negative...but we muz let the negatives in our life add up to a positive..=)
i dun understand why pple are just getting so uptight..depressed..helpless..
whatever it is..u dun give up..why treat life so lightly..i m so disappointed..

pulling...my hair...OFF

since when school been so tough...i got no idea...dun wanna think too much now...the past two days were real bad..thking tt i got so much to catch up on..to revise...to learn...is there still life?
hmm...maybe i m just not managing my time well enough =(
God give me strength...many times...i feel far from u...but let me never depart from ur presence..discipline me to be faithful in my QT..
"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
yup...tt sounds better...in this life...we have many times tt we fall..but the more important part is how we pick ourselves up..and move on...=)
oh ya...celebrated hl's bdae on sat..though it wasn't like some mega bdae bash...but its the frenzship tt count...i thk the samara part was the most funny...hl was practically starin at the screen..while me and cheryl was frantically coverin our eyes...wif bags..and fingers..anyway..happy bdae hl...one year older le..so should behave like one rite?...ahhas...kiddin la...
aft todae's chem test..tis week's slightly more relaxed ba...i got to find ways to relieve stress...niteZ pple...

yeah...reunion..

hahas...waited so long to meet up with all my best buddies...in fairfield...though we're all in AC...
cool....joseph...jem...john...zhi yao and me...went out for a long awaited dinner and stuff...miss u guys...esp the days we had in fairfield...school's been so busy tt we hardly got time to even talk =(
went tiong bahru...to some western restaurant..the budget kind aft looking at our wallets..and not gonna stay there to wash plates...=P had fish&chips...chicken chop...yup..
kept talkin crap so loudly...my frenz asked me to keep my vol down...thk i was too excited..
ahhas...time seem to pass so nice and fast wif all them around..
got lots of work to do and stuff...so better start now...niTeZ...thanks guys...take care =)
this isn't the last time i am sure

class outing..

yeah..finally...had a class outing for the new sd2 pple..though onli bout...12 pple turned up..it was at least a effort ba...didn't really noe where to go and stuff..and of us seem to dress like so diff...i thk i was too formal...in the case of flyin kite..went marina south..some unknown place to the class pple..hahas...they all recalled when they went there when they're young =)
kept teasing karmen and stuff..oops..tts bad..but welll...and debbie's up to her usual 'sai' thing again..hmm...it ended up like my kite got entagled wif jeanette's and it flew off
not a very happy ending but enjoyed myself =P kite flying can be quite meaningful..like it let me take a step back to see how simple life can be
anyway...huiling..get well soon...had service todae....was great...felt God's presence so strongly...miss to sit at the floor area..like in the past.....and can sense tt God askin me to make correct priorities in life...putting him first always...wanted to join the cg for pizza but well...ate too much of tt
next week should be quite slack ba...though got alot to study for bio coz i haven started...gtg le =)

learning..discovering

yeah....finally gotten over chem test...it really scared me...having to cramp so much notes the day before..thk i got happier aft it..realize tt our class gettin more you noe..seperated...perharps it was like wat karmen said..we're too used to our old class pple...where we just be ourselves..
now its tough to even keep in contact wif the old sd2 pple..and the new ones..
no use having onli one person trying to bond the class..
hL's bdae coming up...wonder wat to get for her..hhahas..
maybe joseph was rite...i could have done something wrongly...said the wrong things..act the wrong ways for all these to occur onli for me..
haiz..not goin to thk bout tt...been tryin to catch up on my bible reading..been so slow..somemore there's wordpower comin..God please give me lots of brain juices..to remember..and of coz meditate on his Word =)
"in all your ways, commit to God and he will guide you" praise God..ahahas
been talkin more to my church grp pple...tts real gd..now..starting to feel that they're opening up..and we can really share and encourage each other..yeah..
gtg study chi and gp..nitEZ

life as simple as that =) 

the reason is you

finally i realize that all that search of mine is futile...its surprising how humans can learn things in the most unexpected way...so sorrie pple...my past music server always show irritating popups and even viruses...oh no..so my blog more "safe" now...hahas
i was just hiding that insecurity within me..i didn't learn to trust in God fully and know tt his love is all tt i ever needed..instead i search high and low..thking tt i'll surely find tt person..
wat a dumb and tiring experience..

empty

uploaded a new song to my blog...though not my fav song...but it was at least...hahas..."there's no use looking back or wonder if....how it could it be now or might have been"...meaningful lyrics..

first time saw joseph so sad before...cheer up buddy...u'll be fine...ya...all that disappointed might seem great...but it's within God's control...and u dun have to worry...maybe its just the way to make things smoother for the days to come...

things are falling slowly in place..though i do feel that act no one understand me..still miss my old frenz..but well..its just diff pple i m dealing wif...so how can they be the same..

how do u define a frenz?...i guess i need tt person there to share all the happiness and sadness...smilez...craziness...yup..i dun thk i k define it in words..lonely

i am not feeling pressurized by the environment to find someone or wat..i know tts wrong

more tests in progress...gettin so used it already...like i lost my usual joyous mood coz of the busy schedule

cg was just great..though it was rather short...felt tt it was full of warmth and gained strength from God...hahas..yeah..end my wkday nicely..

i want a break

one whole long week of sch just past by so slowly...and a little dreading...i am just wondering my blog song is not tt suitable to my present mood..accidentally in love?..NO way..=(
the new class is startin to bond together more i guess...from at first we all just sat wif the pple we knew..to the discussions during tutorials where we can just share wif the new classmates...some of them are still not willing to mix ba i guess....intially i felt so frustrated tt i didn't wanna bother much bout the new pple...but i realize tt i got to move on le..there's just no pt in getting stuck in the past...(I tried to hold on to the past...but it refuse to turn back)...from some chi song..all my happiness i rmb...all my mistakes...i learnt..all the heartbreak..i surrender
school's real demandin
talked to cheryl like till bout midnite on fri...felt so much better aft noein tt i can just talk freely to her...noe we won't be in the same school...but gonna stay in contact ya?..=P will surely miss the days when u were in AC
so many things just occupied my mind..tis week...felt stupid when i noe i just purposely ruin a frenzship...will it ever recover?..no idea..dun wanna thk too much though
praise God for being faithful to me =) u're all tt i need
ps study hard huiling..hahas

i am changed

haiz....typed such a long entry last nite but who noes...got error when i uploaded it..so well got to type it all over again...
hahas...anyway...this past week was both the mixed and confused kinda feelings....since JC life ever started...pple left...new frenz came in...yeah...real glad tt joseph..jem..john and me are all back to the same college again..=P....though now we're in diff classes...real depressing...but glad tt most pple are back in sd2 again...hey..to my 3 buddies...thanks alot for the 4 years or 3 years in fairfield...the lowest and valleys we walked through together...the laughing..crazy times we rejoice together...ahhas..its will just bring me a smile thinkin of all tt sec sch days..well..u all take care k?...muz still stay in contact though we're in diff classes...God bless ya all
lectures aren't useful to me now....when everything is just changing so fast...like no mood to study...but i noe...i muz settle down soon...1sd2 got imbalance of guys and gals...like only 8 guys?!?!okie..we're gonna have a difficult time..hahas...
karmen..hl..dun let whatever that is happenin make u lose faith in the class?...like i noe it seems impossible tt things can be as nice as when we're together for the 1st 3 mths...but we can still bond wif our new frenz even better?...
yup...cg refreshed me totally..it gave me guidance and comfort...just when i needed it most...praise God..i am back in your presence..gtg for econs make up..see ya

extremeness

God...i am really very worn out....this whole week...there are so many times..so many unimportant...secondary issues just choking me up...i dun wanna stray anymore from your presence...its such a dry time...without you...Jesus...i pray for strength...renew my mind...

i dun want

although i appear like i dun care......but i am keeping silent although i seem like...i can sit so far apart though i really wannna speak....never mind its just all empty talk..wat's the point of dwelling in all these when i am like stuck here...frenz?

Easter is COMIN!..

yeah.....this weekend gonna be real special...coz its the most important days of Jesus...yup...i hope the true meaning of easter will be brought forth...invited quite a no of pple...was really upset by the no of "I can't" that i heard on fri...but praise God...managed to invite hui ling...from sd2...if u all wondering which one...been quite tired lately...hope will be able to serve well for all the services..a little stressed though...

It ended...

"dun be sad la"....1SD2...sure will miss u all....thanks for tt true answer..

OuT...IN...OUt..

haha...i guess i am the last few to blog bout the class outing...haha...its at ORCHARD?!?!
i was quite tired of the place esp since i spend like past 3 days there walking till joseph wanted to find a seat anywhere...=P lets start frm we...i went to taka wif joseph..we went to walk up and up...realized tt the higher we go..the more unlikely we can ever afford the products..hee...its was funny to enter some bookbinding shop..where simple notebk tt can be found at popular can cost liek 30 bucks?..crazy...thurs i got a chi presentation back at fairfield..like share wif the sec4s how to get A1 for chi?..hmm...so nervous la...but got a sigg bottle..=P
todae is the most happy ba..though its at cine...i got a little phobia..thgt we were going to be late coz cheryl like reached outram at 10am...when we are suppose to reach there...haha..played daytona wif karmen..so funny la..she lost le then say the machine got prob...then in the middle come bang my car..then we went to play pool though i noe nuts bout it...was like askin HOW to play?HOw..haha...but huiling and cheryl paired up..and clara and me..we won..=)
princess came late..and she wore pink..though i already noe le..the pple are so dumb la..as if we purposely wear pink together...realize pink isn't widely like for guys..and we had lunch at the place i thgt i can dun go ever again...aft i ate sasauge for 10 bucks..haiz...but we budget tis time and got gd food...the cake SO chessy...nice nice..aft tt went to shop for a gift wif princess,cheryl and hl..reluctant but the rest were playing lan..makin me feel dizzy..can't wish to leave cine though..haven spoken a word..is it tt tough?...not even frenz...well....

beSt BuddiES!!! 

Holis...A Week of NeW..Difference

Yeah...finally..i am back again...just ended the busy yet miraculous weekend..God's indeed our healer..to see all the pple getting healed...my tears nearly roll down...=') haha...but it was great...and easter's coming up..
though i a little physically drained..i am thankful that God had leaded me through the first term of JC...a both joyous..and special experience to treasure...=P
had a class outing aft college's founder's on fri...it was just fun...really sad also coz like we noe some pple are leaving the school or changing combi..but 1SD2..is still the best rite?hope to seeing most of u all again when school reopen
took up a rather important task in the cell..at first i was quite surprised by the whole idea...i know the responsibilties are big...but i'll continue to really have faith in God..God will be my guidance and strength..when school reopens..i might struggle abit..but that's part of life =)
i had said my part..not wishing for any answer...frenz always..=)

joined....bonded...seperated

wow....time really flies...i just spent about 2 months plus in AC...wif one whole bunch of new pple....i can still rmb how i quietly sat down in the class and stare....not knowing anyone to now when i can just talk...joke....laugh....tease pple in the class....1SD2...is the place you wanna be...=)
very soon...i am going to miss princess...even though i can't rmb y i called her tt....huiling's insults(bad)....cheryl's laughter..and callin me a coconut...though i m not one...talking bout teachers to brandon...hearing mei hui's asthma attacks..(laughs)...karmen holding her daily gossips sessions...alvin cracking lame jokes..debbie asking me to cover her skirt...from the teachers..haha...eric showing me tt drawing of sword...and many more...i dun thk i'll be able to say finish...
You PPLE...do take care k?....i'll sure miss all of u..
maybe if its meant to be....i'll meet her again...

Gotta Give Him The Glory...Praise God!!

OOOHH...HOOO....Hahah....i really want thank God for my 'O' level result...gotten ten pts for l1r5...though a little disappointed coz my humanities got a b4 which pulled the overall down...but at least i won't be like trapped bet goin to better JC or stayin in AC....Fairfield did well too...like my class quite alot of pple got single digit...aft all tt anxious waiting and worryin..God is faithful indeed...=P
Now...still in the processs of deciding what are my choices....TJ real attractive just tt its too far away..God guide me!!....and real overjoyed tt many of my classmates are comin Ac..Jeremy too..haha..
i can't forget HER..

HeyZ

Everything's ALRITE...i got JeSus with me...I'll Walk By FAITH!!

pre 'O'zie days....

hey..'O' level results out on Mon...finally...was waiting expectantly for it at first when they said it was coming out on 25th...but end up its on Mon...sometimes i dun get fearful thkin bout it..like Wat if i dun do well??...all the Wat IfS??...but i thk my life will be better if i just leave all tt wif God...hope tt joseph..john...jem...and me...will hopefully reunite again in the same JC....=)
having some class outing todae...but i giving it a miss since i attendin YJ drama...since meifeng invited..yup...gonna enjoy the weekend thoroughly....and go confidently on Mon to receive my results...no matter..will thank God for the results...
well..poor princess...got no one to go wif her the outing todae...the REST muz take care of her ya?haha...the class is talking rubbish...nothing is happenin k?
enjoyed the revival conference on thurs....felt God's presence so strongly aft a while of dryness..praise God...=P
gtg le...before i am late...all the best pple for MON =)