endurance test

this year christmas is just so different
i dun feel the warmth feelin that i usually do
that my whole life is being lightened up
instead i feel like i am tied to a rock of a tonne..
threatening to drown me as i struggle to stay afloat....
many times i ask myself if it is all worth it
is all my effort..time and pain all gonna work
are the people gonna see that we're all doing this for a common cause
i am not a administrator..
been reassuring myself...i am here for Him
doing all these for Him
easier said than done many times
when u're left alone with most of the things
where are the rest?
haha..wat a joke
my parents critcized and laughed..they scolded and nagged
and added on all the burdens of all the wat ifs..
motivation draining
isn't christmas suppose to be a joyous time where we spread the love of christ?
isn't the love meant to bring joy, happiness, light into the dark world
but to me it seem otherwise now
i dun care bout what other may think
i only noe if i dun say all these out
u'll never see me again
is it all worthwhile?