christmas and all it brings with it

merry merry christmas...a little early..but oh well
at least i still remembers bout it...let me recall
i truly felt so excited for christmas to come..and for me..to spend it at church was just great
on christmas eve....went for a family dinner at my aunt's house..yum yum...lots of food though i reached like at 8plus...but still have stuff like ham..satay...veggies..drinks..that special family warmth..yeah =)
the morning i woke up at 3am...a little horrified that i haven finish writing all the cards for my friends and cg..so sincere apologies ya..at least there's chocolate
the nite time is spend with family..my mom's bdae....=)
happy birthday mommie..u got a real special bdae..its christmas
really grateful to God for placing you in my life..though i know u're probably won't read this
but i love you =)
promise to be a little little bit more obedient in 2006
ahhas

hahas...25th dec was yeah another power packed fun filled day

christmas drama just blew me away..i got reminded so strongly not to give up on God and that through this challenge i am facing..i'll become much more stronger through this

2005- my most negative year yet

but next year will never be like that

thanks alvin and hl for coming..u both really made my day

ahahs...the meteorite thing was cool rite?

though we sure have problem walking straight aft coming down from it..looks like we got a ride up and down from the sky

pretty scary ya..chee wei was screaming before the rides even gonna start..ahahahs

anyway my blog music not doing too good..so found another source for HUNG UP

okie..its just a temporary interest...but i can't stop listening to it..

homework is really like a mountain now...like only have 4 more days before all the hustle and bustle all begin again

know i really need to depend on God for the strength..he's my shelter amidst all the storms that are raging..

he's my all in all...=)

alot of people seem to be in their period nowadays..but i am telling myself i can't follow in that footstep

send my message to sorta expressed all the feelings i have been trying hard to relate

that's the minimum i can do ba

life's tough..but i am not giving up

joseph we both can do it for 2006 de

thanksgiving this fri

guys..its not me..nor u..or just a few of us..its everybody's effort

tired...i need another 2 weeks to ever read finish that econs online lesson

its neverending..the info are not meant for one day

freak

life goes on..

daughter..thanks...never fail to cheer me up at my down times

=)

school's gonna start..

we'll see wat happens next

trust..and be secure..and happy

SHUT UP!

endurance test

this year christmas is just so different
i dun feel the warmth feelin that i usually do
that my whole life is being lightened up
instead i feel like i am tied to a rock of a tonne..
threatening to drown me as i struggle to stay afloat....
many times i ask myself if it is all worth it
is all my effort..time and pain all gonna work
are the people gonna see that we're all doing this for a common cause
i am not a administrator..
been reassuring myself...i am here for Him
doing all these for Him
easier said than done many times
when u're left alone with most of the things
where are the rest?
haha..wat a joke
my parents critcized and laughed..they scolded and nagged
and added on all the burdens of all the wat ifs..
motivation draining
isn't christmas suppose to be a joyous time where we spread the love of christ?
isn't the love meant to bring joy, happiness, light into the dark world
but to me it seem otherwise now
i dun care bout what other may think
i only noe if i dun say all these out
u'll never see me again
is it all worthwhile?

moving on..not looking back

this week up to now is truly hectic...or even crazy...been so caught up with so many things...
went to settle my dad's "travelling plan" problem with him yesterdae..truthfully..i feel that he's not at fault..
its hard to understand how adults think sometimes when facts just are just so clearly displayed..yet they'll fall prey to a set up trap
i am definitely pissed..and feel like just burning down that stupid place
my dad work so hard..coming home so late almost everyday from work...he sacrificed his sweat and blood just for paying a bunch of scumbags..who can't find a proper manner to work and earn decent money
hmph..its truly blood boiling...if i dun say bout all these..i am really not human
all along my dad's real careful with all the money that he spents...how he use to cut down on expenses when business just started out..how i got so worried when his income dip quite significantly..at the start of this year..when i finally realize how big that sum of money my dad's paying..i feel indignant
all the sweet talking....to get pple to join..makes me wanna puke..
all these pple better go get a life ba
enough of gettin angry over such useless freak..
God has said...he knows what we all go through and he will protect us from all attacks from the evil one..just got to take it as a pricey lesson that we learn from
shall not dwell on it further..it will probably shorten my life here
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my head's spinning so fast
i dun really think
perharps...i just need time to settle down..we both need ba
it hurts i have to admit..many times i have to stare at the sky..wondering why i have to go through all these
its my fault..totally....u just probably hope all these haven happen
i know i can never make it up or explain things clearly..sorrie if i dun reply or take so long
really is just lettin everything slow down and let me give it a deeper thought
dun want all these but i cant help it
i dun want to sink deeper..
glad we meet and talk things over
friends ya?

u know. happiness is a choice. u wake up every morning with 2 options. to be happy and optimistic and live each day happily. doing what u love. loving what u do. orr u could wake up feeling sad and depressed and dragged down by all ur problems.its ur choice.
thanks daughter =)

reflection

spent the whole dae thinking what exactly i am going to do the remaining of the holis..
how am i going to spent the hard-earned pay
i need to sacrifice for building fund
and i also feel like just buying more new clothes
but the first comes first
he's the one that provided me with this job..i can always trust Him for the rest
thgt about how relationships with people has been for me
many times i tell myself...not to fall back into the same trap of love
but i always do otherwise
stupid dupid me
i can't control my emotions i know
i am flicker
but always i know i'll never commit anything that God doesn't want me to go into
truthfully
i need someone that's there with me....that's have the same belief as me
that love the God i do
i am not discriminating the rest but i can't help..God play such an important role in my life
if u love my God...
why are all these so complicated
perharps..i am not mature enough to handle all these
my past experiences can account for that
but silently i hope i'll meet that special one
love can't be rushed i know
it might hurt innocent friends of mine...i am utterly sorry sorry
but i dun want the hurt to grow even deeper
when did i end up thinking like this...i dun noe
but now i only want true friends..other than that i have no plans..and might never have plans..before God moves me to
i m takin a laidback attitude
God please have your way in me..
i have let ur name down...and i dun want history to repeat itself..

we've moved

we're no longer moving...but we've moved to EXPO
although i actually been there along since last week working at warehouse sales
realized that i have become so uncle-like...always rushing to get the most worth it prices for bedsheets...shirts..oh no wat have i become
went for service aft that...though it was tiring to me...been standing and walking since morning...
was quite front..so managed to get good seats at the floor area..
with my pillow that i bought...super awkward
but all i can say was service was truly amazing
its not the change of venue..its not the addition of more crowd for one service..its not how big the hall is
i felt God's presence so strongly..after i have really prayed so hard for God to just touch me once again...
something is changing in the air...
my parents aren't making my life any easier..i felt suffocated..
but God is my abba father..all along i have been trying to live by own strength
i broke down and cried during the last part worship...something was stirring me up as flashes of the hurtful past just kept passing me by in my mind
how my the financial needs became so serious...i can't control my emotions for that particular time
how my grandpa passed away so suddenly
how my whole world seem to swirl non stop...almost drove me mad
he said that all these were there to test my faith..he'll never forsake or leave me
he's my eternal shelter...
how comforting and strong are these words
its truly life changin
dinner was funny..and mf still have sales filled to her head..she can't wait to find one aft another
need to wake up super early tml
nite..last dae of work...before i can settle down
deb's dreaming bout being a reindeer?
huiling hope service was good for u...and tell karmen i never even wanted to buy such goods for her la..its so sick..she can slap me
hahas..hope to meet up with my buddies soon..meanwhile take care have fun
=)

recounts..in time

28-30 dec
it was class cip time...really didn't noe what to expect there at first...all the rumours about noctorious kids...which will make u grab ur hair and stuff...it was kinda anxious reaching there
but all i can say now is that it was totally good..love it actually...
the first day was kinda like adjustment day when we all knew teaching them workshops will just definitely bore them to death and they'll start jumping climbing...screaming...so active k
sing for devotions seems like i was just singing to myself..hardly anyone was payin attention..some laughed..how nice la
second day was much better realised how cute my team kids are..and me and claire are the most slack team leaders around..with only 2 members most of the time..hahas
but i guess they need that specific attention coz u just can't make them sit down..
the games were fun...treasure hunt...soccer which got complicated...
love lunch time...hahas...it was the kids' time to eat and of course my turn to...was so tired and hungry by then
i did that "deep deep down down" action in front of all of them...the gals pointed and giggled madly...
i was called jie jie which i dun understand why...i dun even noe them well..but i got used to it
debbie became kor kor instead...=P
third day
best day...watched incredibles..chewed on cookies..yum...and wrote cards for the kids in my team...cute WJ and Rich..
miss them though..
x mas party was a feast...so much as though we're having buffet la...make me feel hungry thinking bout it
got pinched bout a super loud gal who constantly disturb and shook my chair during lunch like as though there was an earthquake..hmm but never mind she meant no harm..
left camp early to rush to work..been workin at john little expo for quite some time now
at first it was really dready wakin up so early to take train to the other end of the island..but now got used to it
its hard earning money..dad and mom..haha
been a loner for the past few days...after work just straight home...takeaway lunch on the way
its always so exhaustin though i only work short hours..but all that walking around made me legs muscles cramp like mad...ouch...torture but got to hang on...just 3 more days =)
been thinking about several issues that i knew i got to make choices and decisions in
church moved to expo..just returned from pm..was great to feel God's presence so strongly..reminding me that i am going on the next level..and that he is always with me
easier said than done..are many things...
i m truthfully tired....in all areas..
thoughts of just giving in..and whether it was all worth while just kept popping in my mind
need to get it all off...i'll find back that first love for Him
know next year won't be any easier or perharps much tougher year to come...balancing all that i have now aren't simple..i really need God
ARRH...how irritating sometimes
i know i am not serving for the sake of just doing it or to show it to others
but all that commitments..just drive so tensed up always...
sick i feel...only he can solve all these for me now...
i dun wanna screw up next year like i did now...
can't afford to
haiz
will someone understand?..maybe?...i have deprived my family severly of time that i spent with them
constantly out doing this and that..it never ends
i know i still love God
but i got to sort it out asap
dun wanna do anything to please anyone
reason why i love God?
because he's real to me..i can see him but i can feel his existence..
how he gave my life a purpose..how he was there for me when the world seems to be collapsing
who else can do that tell me?
who can assure you of a tomorrow that is in his control
its just that simple
no point saying ba
"i am not promising things that i know will not turn out right....i want it to be true and to last"
"its my fault...i lead it on..when i know i shouldn't...i am just gross out at what i do"
its selfish..but rather than hurting anyone
i am fine