collide

reverted back to my first blogskin...still think its simple yet nice..
todae's a pretty normal day...i think i was lookin forward to going ren ci aft missing so many trips there...hahas..and went wif kailin, joseph and his classmates who wanted to go for a cip..
being back at ren ci really brought back alot of memories..when karmen..hl they all first went..meet some of the same old folks again and one of them recognised me...happy..and called me by my surname...the whole thing ended kinda early and i feel real refreshed aft tt..will keep going for it now...
at least there's something different from normal school stuff
been thinking quite abit nowadays...and straighten quite alot of thoughts...realize tt i have become so so sensitive to things around...words pple say..like they just ring in my head for the whole day...
just finish writing the letter...feel like i let out so much i wanted to say...yeah
God come and guide my path..i'll not wander or seek aft the wrong things in life
i miss my three other frenz...hey guys...see ya all on sat..we can meet again..=')
how i wish we dun need to part

light amidst the darkness

Philippians 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God"
wat a important principle which we always tend to forget...to give thanks in every situation..and know that God might seem far but actually he's leadin you by your hand
yeah..todae was quite a funny day...
finally had enough sleep for one day..didn't wanna fall asleep during lectures...chinese seem so dull and quiet and long..but we got bio as a off period....=)
i realize karmen..claire..and the rest is tryin to create new scandals again..really scandalous..hmm..dun anyhow link k?...hahas
been wanting to finish up all the hw that i have lag for so long..in that ready to mug mood again..
and todae interact was tense...i keep feeling the need to pee....should i quit or go on all the way?
been jumping ccas for quite awhile..felt uneasy...
time to settle down..so happy i finish chem eqm tutorial finally..can finally move on...and i m yet to collate my pw survey results...our group need to get more things done..
found several articles that actually so appropriate for our project..and some also suggest tt our program is already being implemented elsewhere...=( need to do more alteration
guys jiayou...
fairfield founder's day on sat...can't wait to go back...miss it so much..hahas
and thanks pple around me..know u all are concerned bout me..thanks..i am already fine le..
just that at times i prefer to be a loner..to spend some time in solitude..its different i guess...
coz i am quiet one actually..hahas..am i?
anyway...time to do pw..niteZ..
God Bless

i dun know wat's wrong

something seriously going wrong...i can't express it...feel kinda empty in my heart
like i have friends around me but they seem to be around....there physically...but not otherwise
i think i am just thinking too much..its driving me crazy...
and whoever that tag on my board...please keep my board free from vulgarites..stop giving nonsensical comments
pissed at such rubbish
dun worry..i am not feeling upset or depressed..its just that normal feeling of loneliness filling me again...loneliness' a mental sickness!!
i need to let myself relax...been too caught up with what's going on around me...
come on..i know what i am doing...
sometimes i do wonder what's the point in going through all these ups and downs..they really make people super stressed out
u're like drifting in a vast ocean..all alone to hang on till the last
united live's look to you is so nice..reminds me of the truth that i hold dearly
"So i look to you, so i look to you, no one else will do"
"As i look into the sky above, wonder how my life has changed, wonder how your love it came to me"
Indeed Jesus is incomparable...nothing on this earth is worth more to me than him
i feel so relieved that i have him every moment of my life
been so messed up that i haven done my work
got to get goin...tml's will be a more joyous day =)

said it...i hope

hmm..for the past few days many things had been kinda uncertain..but todae was a nice day except that i got terrified that i need to run 2.4...at first thgt i should do my best for it...so for the first few rounds i ran very fast...but when it came the 3rd round....something just came to my mind...it really made me lost my determination..so i started to slow down and started walking...and i failed!
huiling..dun think too much bout the prob and rest well ya?.....it will be solved if its mean to be
tml having gp test better go read finish it...
i finally expressed what i felt...dun noe what's going to happen next...but just really pray that we can be friends for now...felt so selfish that i actually said it..but in a sense...it was clearer..probably i didn't do my part..i only know how to say
its was all my fault..i can't deny that
u can find someone better than me...
i'll be fine

before i sleep

i love my mom!...the real one of coz...felt so strong bout it coz i wrote an essay bout motherly love....although i am kinda bad at descriptive essays..but i think its a nice experience...
hmm...thanks debs..yup i know..dun worry he can say whatever he feels like...

welll...the world have eyes to see...if u wanna say it to my face!
depriving of people's oxygen on earth..its a waste to the society

well..basically i am agitated..so just ignore wat i say...

its saddening enough to see how people change in different circumstances..how their true identity all leaked out coz it can't be contained...

who's the one forming formulas, theories...?

"I live your way, i am running forever with you.
This day is your day, i am giving my whole life"

"you mean everything to me, you're all this world can never be"

God is.

HAPPY bdae==touched*

wat day is todae?.....hahahs..thats so lame of me...its my bdae!!
okies..anyway i got so much to say and so much to thank about
let's start wif last sat....went wif hl and cheryl to town to have a mini celebration
hee..it was simple yet enjoyable..although they didn't get a chance to make me do stupid stuff..though i was forced to wear that wierd blue earrings..magnetic one..feel very itchy though
and both of them are in cahoots from the start
i reach like late already...hl act at orchard le..but she claims tt she's at outram..made me keep walkin back and forth the mrt
evil!
then we went around town..far east..taka...wisma...heeren..cine..the usual places..i think they tried to come up wif some evil plots but i disturbed them too much le..they couldn't finalize wat to do..hahas..though we didnt really did much tt day...we enjoyed each other's company
>>Cheryl>>thanks for tt wallet..real thoughtful..and comes wif lots of sweets!...sweet =P
>>hl>>the pendents are nice...though similar..but just wat i like =)

and todae..well..its the first time i feel excited going school on my bdae..dun really make it like some important last time..but this time i was so anxious...could feel tt atmosphere when i step into school=)
oh ya..a big thank you to all the pple who msged me..muz take care k?...haven been in contact wif so many of u all..but u all remembered
thanks vic for making that prayer come true for a job..can't wait to start work..ahhas
God's true to all his promises..his love last forever!

claire gave me a red shirt and love-filled cookies...u can really become a baker or chef someday..they so nice...keep eating them during lessons..hahas
and karmen...i m not untidy okie?..hahas..but unwrapping ur present really make me laugh
sorrie for listing down everyone who gave me gifts..coz i m too excited le

thanks W263 my cell group for that cd..another dream come true..u all are the best..continue loving God more..we'll move to the next level together as a cell =)

got real touched especially when karmen and hl braved the rain to get me a cake aft my listening compre....the cake got a cool name..OPPOSITE ATTRACt...didnt noe cakes also have meanings ar..but at first i got terrified as i rmb how cream used to fill my face for my bdae two years ago..so wanted to run away..but the moment they sang the bdae song..feel the warmth of the friendships we all shared..thanks mandy,claire.jade,hong yiong,lizzie for being there..and of coz...my happy tree frenz...jeremy,joseph and john..YeAH!

so i made my wish wif my eyes wide open as i try to blow the candles one by one
thgt i am cautious and could avoid getting a calamity...so in the end attacked them..noe its evil...but only karmen got a little cream..hope it doesnt give u dandruff on ur hair..hahas
but hl sneaked up and poured cold water on my back...so bad..so cold...BERber...

hahahhas...sounds like i was just having fun in school..hmm...i am really grateful to God for having friends like u all around me..noe u all are always there for me..and i'll do the same too..treaure and love u all..and praise God for being faithful...=)

anyway..debs..i am trying to gain weight la..and stay happy always

i might not know wat will happen tml..but there's one thing for sure....even as i open my eyes tml..to breathe the fresh air..God will still be around by my side...he promised to never leave or forsake those who love Him..wat a great promise..

many decisions i might make by my human logic and thought..but God please guide me to be a better person..i am afraid i'll hurt innocent people..i want her to be happy only...i dun need to ask for more..i m happily single..and i want it that way now
to love God alone..and seek aft his face...nothing will change tt

happy bdae to myself..hahas..so bhb..but a big huge large thanks* for making 2005 bdae such a unforgettable one...God bless ya all

people do not get flustered by wat that person might say or do...we live not according to man's standard..trials and challenges we will surely face..but as long as we stand true to God's cause...there's no one that can scare us..its not the numbers..its the attitude and belief we all hold on to...no one's perfect...not even the one that think that he can be or is already..dun waste ur saliva swearing..its pointless ya?...we got to live like we usually do...coz we are right and true
God will see us through this =)

wat's next?

todae's a unusual day
wasn't really angry coz i really got no idea why it turned out this way
saw through how weak friendship can be....how things can change in just one nick
its time to move on guys..we're old enough to do that i am sure..
yes..be angry but do not hold on to it...its not time to find fault
everyone is not perfect..the only thing u can do is to look to God who is perfect
my birthday comin...seems like a gloomy one..when others are happpy...i'll naturally be also..
my heart is piled up with so much thought
i missed worship at church....never can forget how i cried during the first song and how i feel God askin me to give him my hand that he'll carry me through it all
"i'll bless the Lord forever, whatever i am in"
parents are very obviously gettin worried and doubtful bout the months to come..to the extent that my everyday normal expenses in school can also be treated as a spending too much
at first was really fed up..but come to think of it..i should be standing by their side...they need me now...we need to be together as one family

back to my nerdy days...yeah at least there's pple think i look better wif specs..
cool?hahas

i do not wish for much on my bdae..just a complete and blessed family
i love u lord!!

its time to

perhaps i have led my life, 16 years, in bliss, in happiness
perhaps i haven been through too much unstability in the family that will make me worry
perhaps i took everything for granted
perhaps i never spared a thought about the family's financial status

now that this happen, i am caught helpless
i seriously don't know what to do
what that i can help
there's no point struggling in this
i am forced to a corner
wat's next?!?

why muz life be so tough when i am about to settle down
i know there's no point complaining like this
but my heart really hurts
i feel so so burdened

things will take a sharp change i guess
but i got to face it strongly
i am going to do my part to save whatever i can
every single cent counts

pray that God will be fulfil his promise that he will prosper those who walk in his ways
even at this state of despair i'll look to him

"Lord you're always here with me, there's no changing God in thee
You are the same yesterday and today and forever more"
"And when the storms are drawing near, when i am with you i don't have to fear, you're my shepherd on whom i can depend"

thank you lord...no matter how hard circumstances are...i'll give thanks in it

out in town

todae's a wierd day...went out with hl...in the morning...act suppose to meet cheryl too..but she wasn't feeling well..hmm..hl was like lookin at earrings...and we went to eat chicken rice at far east...was horrified when she suggested that i should go pierce my ears too...
oh fine...never i'll do tt i guess...ended up meetin karmen, claire, mandy at heeren...well..all girls..how nice is tt..hahas...felt out and wierd expectedly...like moody
meet many pple tt i knew..like clara...karen...and some tt were from fairfield..
i am in poverty...God help...ya...really cutting down on my spending..but there's still not enough
school's starting tml...goin back to tt long days and lectures..
should i meet go wif the rest for dinner tml?...broke
anyway..cheryl rest well..all the best for ur orals..
oh ya..we took neoprints...and we couldn't change positions in time..end up...taking odd faces...
hahahas

"i am giving my whole life to you..there's nothing in this world tt i wish for"

there's more to it

suddenly that feeling just come back again...
the need to find someone..
that really understands u..to stand by u...no matter wat
to love wat u love..and is willing to spend their life with you
hahas..i am thinking too much
anyway...really wanna give tuition..i think it will be something i'll enjoy
and like to teach other pple and seeing them understand...so satisfied

"here i am, once again...i am torn into pieces...can't deny..can't pretend...just thought u were the one"

"i dun cry on the outside anymore"

in you i trust..through it all...

finally...exams over

yeah..one whole week of term exams are finally over...so so glad...felt that many times i didn't do my best for it....regret it a little now...probably i wasn't serious enough..only rmb tt maths and chem's gross to the extent i really can't be bothered to worry bout it...its pointless i guess
wanna really thank God tt i am still alive..hahas...tt he's the one by my side through every single qn and paper..
"so i look to you..so i look to you...no one else will do"
i can't describe how grateful i am tt i have tis assurance in the most stressed period of my life..with him...my life's never the same
dun really feel extremely happy to party but just relieved i have some rest now..
joseph just reminded me tt arise and build...church building fund is coming..on my bdae week..hahas
kinda excited for it...though i noe it will probably mean alot more sacrifices tt i'll have to make..
maybe i'll go find a job..giving tuition?...hahahs..if the kids dun become stupid aft i teach them
and mon's youth day..how nice..got one more day to rest and prepare before school start all over again..

felt a little disappointed and misunderstood todae..and it left me thinking...do my parents really understand me?...frustrating when u have no means of going against them..but they accuse u of overspending...
i am already so tight on my expenses le..if i still control...wat will i eat?
prob sometimes i noe there's unnecessary costs..but now its just the weekend aft exams can't i have some time off..haiz
i want some ability to make choices...they dun want me to choose wrongly
i guess that they love me too much tt they want to see me going the wrong way
yup...so i just gonna let it out of my mind..no point gettin all upset over things so close to you..
we only have one family in this life..treasure it..no matter how otherwise it might seem

watched wars of the world with my bro...at cine...it was nice..nice NICE..though a little illogical..
like all the things are made up
hahahs...but it was a great movie..and i saw meihui too...yeah..=)

got addicted to swimming and enjoying the sun..it will be a weekly affair i hope
going to church tml...and the thought of the cell group just came to my mind
really love the pple..and pray tt we'll unite together for the same cause...let's not just say tt we'll lay our life at his feet" but disappeared when work or family piles up...but give our best to him
once u experience him..u'll never feel the same..u'll keep coming back for more of God

leave tis thought wif u guys ba...and God bless...enjoy the long weekend
niteZ