reflecting about the future

hmm..its pretty late and i have no idea why arent i going to sleep
perhaps there's just too much going through my mind
read claire's blog and that also set me thinking bout the uni education
haha
though i keep getting attracted to the idea of studying overseas at countries like Korea..
and for once experience the culture and life there
i also know its all but just a dream thats out of proportion
besides the universities in korea offer nothing related to architecture..or maybe even designing
getting into local uni arent gonna be that easy...since there's only one course in nus
and they only take like 100 people?..
guess this is what it meant to be faced with the fear that seem to veil that goal or dream
since there's ns..and results arent out..
there's no point thinking too much..
trust that everything will work out..
ok i m sleepy now
haha

commerzbank frankfurt, germany

random..like what i always say

christmas is over...and all i can say..it is really the best time of the whole year..
though i know all this freedom gonna come to a halt in no time...that doesnt stop me from enjoying the company of friends...cell group..haha..
family..
sometimes when i come to hear of stories of people who are already serving...cant help but feel a alittle flustered..and perhaps worried..
ice cold shower water...huge portions of food..ok this dun sound terrible to most pple i guess..bug filled bunks?!
haha..
ok maybe just a little exaggerated..
oh mandy asked to post drawing..only did another..so here's it
commerzbank in frankfurt, germany
ok blogger beta seems a little cranky..i'll upload it later
met up with debbie when she came back from taiwan..
and as usual....i always seem to make her laugh..sometimes unknowingly..
haha..hey..its been great to catch up..and yeah..
friends forever..thanks lots of the xmas card =P

well...thanksgiving cg really made me thought through alot..like somehow..
my mind and thinking is pretty freed up now..no longer do situations seem so daunting...
yeah..i am under cover...
todae is the brothers day..going out with my younger bro..
hopefully he will find a bag for school..and pass his npcc test..he better!
haha

another trial..

was just thinking back after these past two years..
there's just so much that happen..
how i got cope with all the never ending work and project plus assignments
while not losing my focus on God
but even as the year draws to an end
i come to understand
many times i might have just serve so hard all in vain
i am after God himself..
i cant depend on myself..for my own strength would definitely fail
so many things i cant understand or accept
try and try again
but yet i fall no matter what
sink to some deep pit and question everything
yet reminded that as long as i m following God's will..
stand firm and always choose to do the right thing in God's eyes
not that of others

dun ever leave the presence of God even if it meant to let go of some duties

to find back that first love
doodled on some plain paper..know its a few thousand miles apart from the real thing

its abstract ok
but drawing all these structures..really free up my mind =)

Nord LB. North German State Clearing Bank Building

let's get the party started

woah....in a flash my one week holidays in taiwan ended already..and prom nite
something that i was sorta looking forward to..also..
well..perhaps not everything went on the way that i would expect or hope for it to be..but i really enjoyed myself..
cant escape from the basics..
who say meeting up with guys is gay?..
haha
ok i m pretty worn out..slightly distracted by things going around..
but its only a month or so..so gotta treasure it like i never did for any other time before..and just relax....
i've to admit i cant drink for nuts
no no spare me..
jian ting jiayou if ever you read this..we're all praying for u k..
dun touch other patient's equipment!
ok let the pictures do the talking
















nite markets!something that i would definitely miss














random car?!














national palace musuem..history comes alive..














oyster mee sua..

the thing that made me feel what is commiting suicide all about

love river kaoshiung..gosh..romantic..haha

pacific ocean..total sense of freedom!

oh well..i cant stay there

central ximenting

really love this picture

it seem to reflect the vibrancy of nights in taipei

i wanna go back!

well there's far too many pictures..so will just print the rest

ya..and its all taken by my all slow reaction sony ericsson camera phone

haha

alrite prom update some other day

coming to an end woohoo

woohoo...well i m already taking it like its over...but well only left with one paper
looking back cant help but feel so grateful that i survived so long
hahas..i understand now why people said As are the hardest obstacle to cross in life..
on a lighter note..
i need to get a few presents and cards
which means going out
how am i gonna survive till prom?..
guess it will be soon that i will bid bye to normal life and hideaway in bushes on some offshore island...ok just joking..know wont be that terrible..
freedom with challenges?..
that's how i m feeling now..
like seeing people react n change..sometimes make me feel so helpless
perhaps a human's heart will be toughest to comprehend
hmm...but well most important is not to give up on God..
haha..think my blog need massive changes..been looking the same..
hope i'll be able to find howL's album in Taiwan..
hmv only has one shelf of korean music?!?
gotta plan my finances well or i'll be broke before end of the month
going off...enjoy holis people..
haha

random but nice videos

found Howl's song for goong...
woah....he can really sing..
the song is called aeng mu sae..which is parrot!?! in korean
haha
okie.just to take a breather..
back to mugging

an unhealthy encounter

today was really a terrible day...except the dinner and housewarming...which was nice..haha
had hiccups from after lunch all the way till like suppertime
feel like my stomach is totally bloated...can't even eat much.
hai..my childhood sickness is acting up again
please dun even have a relapse in the near future...
oh well..
counting down to like 18 or 19 days more..
yeah
we can all finish this!

Baccalaureate!

well...its official...school has ended..holis has started and examinations are yet to come..
oh..i m getting into the trying to be ignorant bout what's going on again..
time flew by..and wow..i finished two years of JC...
it seem like yesterdae when i first step into that strange looking big blue gate
but all i can say is AC transformed me so totally!..i would never be what i am..without all the ups and DOWNS..
so u guys mug hard too..dun give up..
some recollection and snapshots..
sorrie bout the previous red bold entry..wasnt furious or something
haha


by irwinho



by irwinho


by irwinho


by irwinho


by irwinho

blogger is having some wierd problem.i had to copy the link twice from webshots..
phew..can check the rest from the album link..
yeah..
a touch from God and life will never be the same again..
how true is it when u experience it for yourself..
back to piles of notes n case studys

the haze and all that hazard

well...its time to catch on my poor little blog
school's been pretty usual..the wake up stick your head into endless tasks
that constant need and want to cry for help
your friends around making life seem much more colourful
i'll survive..i mean overcome this
hahas
even when i cant see him, when i cant feel him..i'll trust his heart..
isnt that simple and yet hard at the same time?but believe me u will see your world in a much lighter tone if u just let go and let God =)
perhaps...some people i know are getting cranky..or maybe just enveloped into their own world..
with no else on their minds
they act differently..show their discontent
i m seriously taken aback..
u mean all along u've been feeling this?..but i only know it when my two years are drawing to a close
gosh..well..its never too late i guess
something are just never meant to work out the way i want or the way the other person wants
i m just saddened
found chasing car's vid on youtube..a really catchy n yet slow song..
ignore the mv..it makes no sense..hahas
just finished econs hw...time to sleep =P

new ipod new generation

josong hamnida (pardon me)
but the new ipod really look wow...!!! isnt it?
hahas..i m no really a 'tech gizmos person'
but i m really surprised how fast apple works
presenting ipod nano 2nd generation with double the battery life..=)

old age crisis...wicked

how is it possible that children leave their mother which spent so many painstaking years to raise them up leave her at some hospice..and indirectly leaving her to die
gosh
but it is happening..
first day of school..marks the start of 7 more gruelling weeks to go..
with his grace i'll tide over..

"world tallest man-made structure" CN Tower in Canada..
it still beats all skyscrapers and most communication tower though it was built way back in 1972
thats really wow..

very pretty picture of Sea Hawk Hotel in Japan..
it looks so seamlessly fitted into the night sky =)

passion for life

well..found lots of interesting stuff online these few days..ok..
so shall just post what i found..haha
first..google earth or something like that is so cool..realize i can zoom satellite images of any part of the earth..like for Singapore's case...until i can see the roof of indoor stadium..wow..thats technology!!
caught the movie 'The Host' recently...okie..went for it and sorta persuaded my good old dong saeh's and noonas (its korean for my older sister and younger brothers and sisters) to go watch it...well..end up i was the only one getting scared...gosh..how embarrassing..

ok...going back to reality...holidays are ending and school's starting..quite sadly...
hai..ok..know the first day of school will definitely wake me up from this deep slumber..its time to get cracking..not much time left!
dance masquerade was really different...didnt know that latin dance involves high heels..
feels more like ballroom dancing..fellowship was great..everyone felt so lighthearted
learnt something today
at many times..things and people even those whom we love, trust...care about will change..or simply remove themselves from ur life..
its is never easy to cover up the gaps of hurt they have left in your mind and heart..
but there is only one thing u can do
and that is to move on!..refocus..and find back something or someone else that can enlarge to fill that empty space
cheers people..life is so much more =)

"my hiding place"

'you are my strength oh God, you'll uphold me
you are my shield oh God, you'll protect me'
you are my hiding place

Excuse me?

i am so not in the right mood to write anything..
ears burning...body feeling so grrrh
it always make me feel so gross..and yes i mean GROSSED out on the inside when people that you know for so long..and despite all that you've done..they or should i say only someone actually never appreciated it
shall stop elaborating....in case i m persecuted for spreading propaganda and trying to gain sympathy..as if i needed any
"chill irwin"
come on...we have all grown up...and that means putting your childishness far away..
YES..we would still commit small mistakes at certain times....but we should continue to try make ourselves better..don't we?
from this point on..i see who are my true friends
putting that aside..had a lots of fun this week...maybe its just the after exams feeling
ok just gonna post up pictures..=)


SEPTEMBER BLAST!!

2 weeks of "help me!..ok its exams"

wow..its already past two weeks...todae seem like its so far away from the day i embarked on this terrible journey...
haha...actually its just prelims...a pretty stressing word to hear by itself
yup...just glad i managed to survive till todae..=)
throughout the whole exams was really just struggling from one paper to the next
was quite obvious i am unprepared...could i have done more?
anyway..thank God for giving me the strength..know the results wont be that fantastic..but i really tried my best
haha..ok time for happier stuff
the whole prelims seem to have disrupted my life so much..till the extent i cant remember what i would normally be doing without papers..memory loss?!?
ok i m growing old....er
went for cell group yesterday..its was really different
had some taiwanese visitors and i realize how poor our chinese standard is..me included..
hahas..had to think like so long to translate some part of the message into chinese..
okie embarassing but i wrote it in hanyu pinyin...
oops =(
everything around seem to be changing..people's attitudes towards life..things that go around..
sometimes things seem simply bleak and cold..probably its just the effects of prelims..
guess its just how complex human minds can be..its just seem so impossible to grasp what the other party is thinking
i have made a decision..to move on..though its not easy...
but i know thats the way he wanna me to go..
i need to keep up..hang on..yup =)

some random picture i found..somewhere..think it was jeanie's photo album..but its cool

hahas..we've all grown so much from then..

i need to remind myself i still need to study..there's still monday..

was talking to some secondary school friends here and there..

just to realize how complicated their friendships can be..hai

jiayou ok..all these things that are not meant to be will just fade away..

"we're living our life for God..not money..definitely not for man"

ok time for three areas of revamp in my life...haha..my post prelims goals

Spiritual...Social...and of course wardrobe..

yup..

i want to say

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

such a simple song to bring out the deepest love
yup..EXAMS!!!!!

pre-prelims last words

todae's studying was really perfect...can really focus..while not totally isolating ourselves
i have no idea why there's some form of void within me..like there's something lacking
perharps i know why..and i should face it up
choose wisely..been telling myself that countless times...
hahas..
"I DARE YOU TO MOVE"
am i ready?..
okies...all in all..i muz get down to praying and committing..
no point living life the way i wanna..its the way he wanna
back to mug
i muz survive
do people spent more than a few minutes to think before a decision or do they just act irrationally and call that follow your heart?how meaningless and foolish can

Ecclesiastes 3:

v3 A time to tear down and a time to rebuild.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak up.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.
15 Whatever exists today and whatever will exist in the future has already existed in the past. For God calls each event back in its turn.

even just reading this again...keeps me all positive and encouraged..that whatever happens...has already happened...and God is in control...he's in control...no matter how messed things may seem..WOW..thanks for that Lord..
midway through pq...so time consuming!

when the music fades

love's beautiful...so beautiful..thats how the song goes..but many times how tough is it to believe in that?
dun actually wanna type this entry.....but if i don't i might never be able
how do someone that bring u joy...also bring u trouble..pain at the very next moment
well thats what i have now
perharps it is was just that i have been running in rounds and rounds..
just like on the track..temporarily distracted by the sights and feel of joy..friendships...
but now i realized i am back to the starting point
that i haven moved a single bit off that round track
was it my fault?..or my choice?
WHY?
is it that my friends are so insecure....
they think i think too much
they say i am too sensitive..
but is it too much to ask of them just to be my friend..and be there for each other at anytime...anywhere..no matter wat situation we're facing..or what mood we are in
all the silent whispers fill my mind..it gets me down..
hmm..
parents are constantly not on good terms..i became the target for stress release..they nagged..over the smallest issue..they lecture over every single small bit
i nearly thought i would become mentally unsound after all this
but thank God for being there
"through the darkest hour..the deepest valley..i cried for help..
with a warm embrace..and a word of comfort...he broke through the dark and picked me up"

i am older!!

well..time flies and i think i have isolated my blog successfully for about a month?...
hahas..just short of forgetting that i still keep a blog..
well..hahas..
anyway..its already past july 18th..and i got alot to say
still remember on sat...i went for jc pm at a cgl's house
truthfully, was a little reluctant and pretty no mood to go
but was reminded that God will touch pple at times when they dun feel like praising, praying or worship
never regret..and can still rmb how He encouraged me to go on with new strength
"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" =P
went marina square unknowingly with joseph
thanks buddies plus jem and john for the wallet..
really hope we'll have time to be out together again

sun was church...hahas...know i can just go on bout how good healing service was
jl came too..hey..hope u're getting used to everything..including the "rock" praise?
hahas...after that was meetup with the usual pos pals..

hooray..okies..they're really v nice to have sorta organised a day out..
okie...time for the more not so glam fact
we took almost 2 hours to settle on the place to eat....meanwhile we walked heeren...several rounds
and cine many rounds aimlessly..
went suki got the glasses of water...realized buffet hrs over
gosh..went galilee..decided..its kinda ex
so thank God..finally we went that hk restaurant "coffee-shop"
style..i LIKE!! =P ok pardon the oldness inside me
i can never say how much thanks to u girls and guys for brightening up my life during pos..and now my everyday...=)

WIFEBANDS =)











back to school....knowing the my clique is up to no good..
i come mentally prepared =)
hahas...actually it isnt anything scary..they love me too much
emm..okie..just kidding
thanks for nescafe...ok..really shocking..lots of tidbits..junk =)
starting to promote junk food diet..plus that brown shirt
i need a jacket..comfirmed =)

the little red box..need no elaboration = PERV

take a look at pamela..haha
















marche...i laughed my hardest..till i almost hugged the lampost oops =)










































my 18th bdae presents =)=)=) thanks to all of u
















THE END

[ at the end, i have learnt so much for the past year...learn to love..to choose..to cry..to pray
to stand up when i feel like slipping]
"we all gotta live in self confidence....if we ourselves is not even secured bout the people we have in our lives...what more will the friends feel themselves"
yup...hey..exams comin!
ok random

after some time

hey..i m back..well..guess my blog missed me
so hahas..
ok must tell myself enough
the holidays are over now..and its back to school..
looking back..i think the holis were really fulfilling...
with emerge, outreaches..chalet =P
and many others..
i have forgotten bout work..maybe just for awhile..
really thank God for lettin me go through all the ups and downs...although many times i would be pretty annoyed and feeling empty inside..
haiz..but he works in ways i can never comprehend..
he have indeed held me through it all
"many are called but few are chosen"
thats something that pst said todae..that still ring in my mind
wow..thats so right..like we are called but who's really up to it to stand up for the challenge?
todae's service was just simply powerful..though many missed it
and the overall mood was not good..pple missing here and there
served for communion and nearly dropped the trays coz i was left to hold for one sub arena
hahas..
miss fellowshipping with the usher friends
issac served first time todae!!
ermm herm.."mr..can find the newest bibles?" haha
continue to jiayou k..i'll wake up earlier next time..
happy birthday jialing
know i didnt do much but just wanna u to have a most blessed year ahead k..
yup..=)
ok that was random..
its really time to pack up all the fun and excitement and start settling down to study
hahas...ya..like 5 more weeks?..ok..
before i forget..karmen..i already checked the weather forecast..clear sunny days ahead..so dun need to bring the umbrella out k?..cheers and u can do it de
ok..oh ya..heard brazil and england lost..thats real tragic and super unexpected..
now left with the less famous teams and prob most pple wont thinking they would see during finals..
hahas..random again
yup..

"all things can be consumed, but not all are beneficial"
so are friends..

need somebody

the past week been really tiring and yet fulfilling
the amount of work is continually piling and i dun really see much time to actually sit down and start getting down on it
God help me!!!!
OkIEs...i need to tell myself to focus the last week
todae just bought something..again..
alot of thoughts running through my mind
listening to sun's album right now
the mood suits in seamlessly
its time to make a change in my everyday..
not going to go by just living at the lowest
or just aimlessly

decisions

how we look at ourselves......our lives are moulded...pushed in left and right centre
sometimes that person who u thought cares for u...seem to fade away in a shift...
something missing.....

pulau ubin here i come

cycle..thats all i wanted...and meet up with the cg members and friends..
hahas
ended up waking late..been having very crazy days since monday..hahas
guess its rare to be alone..so just enjoying it till friday
cycling at ubin can only be summed up as=' UNIQUE AND THRILLING'
all the fast sped round the bends...gears falling over...crawling upslope..that really tires me out
my most loved part-downslope..
just let go and relax..
hahas...how simple right?
pretty worn out now..gotta get some rest..sleep
pray for a deeper breakthrough
finding back that purpose

now is the time for us to shine

there goes the final and the start of jc cluster on the big expo hall 8 stage just like 5 hours ago
"now is the time for us to shine"
hahas...and off we go...one two down up..down toss 7.....8....oooooh hoooo
hahas..
todae is a once in a lifetime experience
after like 3 full months of training..we finally reached the first destination for POS
in case u're wondering whats that....pple who are close should noe bout cheerlead
just reflecting about how i actually ended up joining..when my mind was not really made up..or should i say i had a hard time learning to trust
hahas..but God works in numerous special ways..
he placed me here for a purpose..
in just roughly 2minutes and 23 seconds...we completed everything
PRAISE GOD...most of the stunts and dance went up..everybody put in their 120% percent
hahas...we found that supernatural strength
just gonna post up some pics and head straight for bed...
its just day one of emerge..EXPECT greater move of God in the days to come..
pictures below are meant just for really good memories..so pple involved pls pardon me
hahas =P

emergiee

hahas...well time flies..and looking back for the past months..
i can only say "thank you God for being faithful"
i have really grown alot through this period...like learning to manage lots of tasks and commitments
getting used to talking to different groups of people in a day
go through some dry and lonely patches without friends here n there
hahas..just came home..and wanted to try to practice more for dance..
okies..look kinda funny
glad my mom didnt laugh..hahahas
met jeanie for lunch at long john...yeah..
haven like meet up like this for a long long time..hahas
its like two more days to emerge..and truthfully i cant contain the excitement within
pos really gets more totally "cant stop the beat"
all i can say is that after each training..though i m worn out..
i still feel fuller in my heart..like as i just had a faith enlargement..=)
anyway..take care krystal tang..if u're gonna read this...rest well..pray and we're gonna make things happen on 1st june
looking forward the holis..i can see that its really packed..emerge.zoo..chalet..lessons..and all that
woo hoo..but makes me anticipate even more
time to pray up..read up his Word...and get stronger

hahas...at many times..its inevitably to feel kinda not understood..no matter what i do and think or say..friends...
perharps...its really normal for pple to come...close..and then draw away..its not within my control i guess
though its really terrible or should i say gross to feel so clearly avoided..i have yet to know what's exactly wrong..
missed out todae's clique outing..but guess the clique still had fun
for karmen:
remember no matter your friends are always here for u...
though at many times the way we care is being expressed
we all love you...
all humans are not perfect..we do commit that mistakes
but whats more important is to pick yourself up...renew your mind..
and wow..u're coming on stronger than before..never looking back..
whats done now is better than being hidden for later which will hurt even more
and i pray that your friendship..will be pure..and true friends' love
yup nitez
sorrie for making you wait..

tml's last preview..meeting donovon in the morn...buy WHITE shoes..ahhas
see ya pple

when i seem to say "i cant go on"

the name was spoken..the consequences were clear..
i didnt expect it
i left
cold the nite suddenly seem..extreme sadness gripped me..
i respect the decision but i m human..
looking backing..i would definitely feel that hurt rising from deep within
my mp3 silently accompanied me..even as waves fof disappointment coz of this and wondering "if i did so badly" hits me
no will to move on..
but i have to..can i?..
the four walls seem to be moving on...yes i know enlarge..but i have lost all forms of strength to do that now..
8 hours have passed and the feeling ever so strong..
its just something i m passionate about
let a miracle come before its all too late

a deeper sense of longing...

my past week just flew by with all the pos trainings...and though i am really challenged physically..coz i m so darn tired now...but yet...i have found something that i can bring on in my life
that is why in the first place there is a God..and why i chose him and trust Him..i m enlarging my capacity
many times i m so drained from sch and all that by the time i reach the place for training..i m half dead..not in the mood to interact or to perfect my moves...hahas..but i really messed up some of them
i realized i lack something in my life
received a call the other day...that didnt exactly make the nite a good one
sometimes i do wonder what others are expecting..maybe its just because they're not me..so they won't understand what i have to go through.."no matter how hard they say they do"
made me reflect my past few years in ministry what have i done..have i progressed?..
life's gettin complicated with so many commitments..but i m no longer the one that just bow down to difficulties and trials..been through lots
fri's service and pst phil msg explained all these
i need to pray alot more...
my quiet time has been diminishing...and my mood been like going from normal..to slightly lower and now a little cranky
yucks..ewww i dun like this feeling
ok no more procrastination gonna start the prayer life going..thank God for keeping me most of the time awake during service..i was silently saying to God i m too tired..please just take me to heaven..but obviously its not the time yet..
issac please jiayou too?...we're not running this race alone..we got all the brothers n sisters under his family no matter how not close we might seem...
our hearts are for each other..
my life's been segregating into smaller bits and pieces..

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven"
thank you for this promise that never changes that u're always under control whatsoever the circumstances

todae's sat which means its time to stay home to catch up on work..miss my friends in school..but will just see them on mon..the long lost family time is also todae..hahas..wierd but i miss my mom n dad..together with my bros..
i m stepping out and breaking through..

i am just down
u left me with a note without a sound
u nver know u know how much i have been around
how my heart just frowns when u're down
i'll be your teddy bear
i'll be your clown
i'll take you round and around
if u dont mind i can be your standing ground
even if that means i drown

once again

and once again i look upon the cr0ss where u died...i am humbled by your mercy as i am broken inside...0nce again i thank you..once again i pour out my life

once again...i have back to stage where i am friends with many..but yet...sometimes its just doesnt feel that close after all..but yet..i know God has placed some friends that at the end of the day..their love for u will never change...they're here for u at the end
oh well..econs essay tml...not too appealing
nitez

the picking up myself process

looking back at how long since i actually blogged...its nearly two weeks..
been wanting to get down to it..but never had the chance to...since time no longer permit
let me think how can i sum up what i had been feeling for the past few weeks
HELPLESS?
probably thats the best i can come up with
even as i started to feel the pressure of POS building up..with the trainings ending late at somewhere far..and when i reach home..it will probably be impossible to even sit down and do work for 5 minutes
that sorta left me really frustrated even as i woke up in shock as the alarm rang..and i still haven done my work..
how should i say..its a viscious cycle
nevertheless..i dun regret putting myself into it..i guess some might feels an OVERcommitment..
but i say its an OVERcoming of time..to put my faith at work...
really grew to trust God to provide for my everyday needs
phew...POS is really a once in a lifetime thing...maybe its the last time i understand how people cheerlead..
two weeks...every single day never fails to drain my energy away..bit by bit
without God's purpose..and without seeking after his face
i almost wanted to say ITS ENOUGH
i can't take it any longer
but God always work in ways we cant imagine...with the incident on friday..clementi
hahas..another really "once in a lifetime is enough" experience...i know all i have is God
might seem a little exaggerated but thats how i felt
issac u and i would be fine!
take care
went JP with claire todae..hahas..and she really was nice to just follow me around as i randomly went into shops to look at my stuff..=)
too bad i was never meant to have that slippers...haiz shall just wait

"many people change...many situations fail us and devastate us..
but as long as our determintation and our belief never change, what can stop us from moving on?"
so u people out there who feel like on the verge of giving up...u BETTER NOT!
after each at the verge experience..we start afresh on a new peak
joseph..thats for u...remember that we are all still running this marathon..

CROSS MY HEART

Cross My Heart
we got it all and we would be fools to let it go
coz i need you more and more
coz you're my life and i live for your love that u give
and although my journey's long, i soon be home...

oohhh..its gonna be so hard on my own
but i wont be alone

cross my heart and tell no lies
no one's leaving you behind
just because we say goodbye
cross my heart i do believe
in my heart and in my dreams i would be taking you with me

sometimes i think i can feel u breathing on me
you're there so deep inside
and i like what i feel
though its not what i feel
it helps me carry on till i come home

this song kept me company...
God please let the people see that everyone of us are pouring out our lives to the cell group..so please God..open their hearts

well...at least the depressing and rather frustrating week is coming to an end....guess this was the week i really start to reflect and ask myself whether i have been doing the right things.

friendship is how fragile...especially when u thought that that it was meant to be..it is not about me being pessimistic...but its just the truth being presented right in my face...

drained..confused..and really really helpless....who are the people in my life that is willing to be there for me..some i know they are always there...my cell group..secondary school buddies...who else?

sometimes secretly i hope God can just take me to heaven...but obviously he won't because my time is not up...i already had enough

ulcers just aggravate the pain i had to go through...life seems to stop for a moment

but now that things start to settle down..and everything start to fall into place...my heart can't seem to change..why?..i wonder..

friends that are secure...true...its an invisible and unspoken bond between each other that cant be spoken...what have i gotten after i have put in all my best and treat my friends like my best...
i know its over already and now that i have raked up the past i am sorry
i need to say it out and i promise i would get over after letting it out..

the absence of friendship, happiness and companion...just see my world crashing down..maybe i didnt see that crack within the pretty glassbottle..maybe i was blind..maybe

enough of my maybeS...things arent too peaceful not only in school..i feel the pressure mounting...
need to rush my work before there's pos on mon nite...and all the test and hw due for tues would leave me nuts..

"you will never leave nor forsake me" when i can't see God's hand..when there is
a mist obstructing my path..that is the time i got to trust God's heart

"God is in charge and I am not"
so no matter what happens next...i shall trust..
friend...i am always and will always be here..
let's make this friendship last

the end and the beginning

how long have i actually not blogged?...i think i was at the edge of forgetting about my blog
anyway....exams are OVER for now..hahas...i am probably the last to exclaim that...but for the first time that i took only 3 papers...i feel much more relieved..thank God for showing urself faithful=)
hahas...straight after the last math paper which i found better than promos...i went straight for my bag hunt
think i used it to motivate to study too much..that i felt a little despair after searching and ramaging most part of orchard and bugis..
karmen...i really wasnt that upset..guess i m just impulsive...
friday i was at it again..went to queensway again...but ended up with the gals benefitting from the whole trip..u all are the best man..haha
saturday was a really unusual yet special day...went out with the cg and huiling...
wanted to go canoe with the rest but hl was rather terrified..oops...ya...so got no choice but to go cycling with her
after stealing her bike and nearly running over some dogs and all.....we left east coast to head for church in a rush
that was the climax i guess...
although my stomach was making noises and felt so exhausted....God's presence overcame all of that...worship that day was just so anointed..and filled with so much of God's grace and power...God reminded me that no matter wat...in my goodie and baddie days...watever circumstances..i still need him badly
many times...most people dun understand..this especially hurts if ur close friend does it...
like they question u...they make comments about u...that u thought they truly understood...in case u're wondering..i arent speaking for myself..
thats the difference in the level of our love for God..i guess....that can be such a big bother at times
we all need to learn that we're living for this cause and that God called us to "lay down our lives" for him...this isnt just about the talk..its isnt just about showing up at services...its about telling urself..no matter if it rains or shine..i'll pick myself up to go to church to worship...thats commitment
i know i m not perfect...but i just felt God saying this clearly

as for life and whatever it brings...i get distracted rather easily...i tend to stray into the wrong paths....fall for the wrong things...but i pray that i would not stay in this situation permanently...i'll CROSS that line...

hoildays has started...without much allowance to slack and rest...
just thinking of how much i had revised....really bothers me
yesterday made me realized how important it is to treasure life and not be trashy
many times...we are the one that make the decision...and when the consequence...we found it hard to believe...come on...u made the first step..u should have thgt of the next
went out to KAP to study with karmen, claire and brandon...hahas
most of the time our minds were drifting away....to food..to random stuff...
but it was great time..met joseph and kailin...and his friend..

need to tell myself its holidays...and i can have even more time for God...and his Word....must put in the effort to stay close to Him and to hear Him speak...and not miss the time now
sometimes...u might not get to see someone's true colour...till the most extreme situation confronts..disappointment

but really leds me to understand who are the true friends that i have in my life...
thank you God...that no matter how messed up..things around me might have gone...you are my tower of refuge and strength...you will never leave or forsake me..=)

one more day to start working...jiayou guys!

from the last time i updated up to now...the things around me have evolved so much..and glad to say all of them are positive
"friendship is not just strong because the friends have similar interests and characteristics, it is not about how long the phone call is...or how frequent we actually msg each other....
it is the sharing of the happy, sad, sour...bitter events of life together.."
"through the trials and moment of uncertainty...there lies ahead a opening out of the darkness to something even greater...a friendship that is made to last a lifetime"
thank you God turning wat is meant for evil for the good of ur children

oh ya..before i forget...here's a short bible verse from the previous prayer meeting that the pastor mentioned that turn my view 180 degrees
hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares u, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking onto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God"

if u are just wondering wat these two verses were talking about, we are running the race for Christ and many times we get so tired and weighed down by the things that goes on in our lives and the sins which we commit and threaten to overthrow all controls in our lives...that is the time we got to hang on!
the cloud of witnesses are the people of faith from the Bible like Abraham, Isaac, Joseph which had already completed their race..this race is not a marathon..but one of a relay like the 4x100m which we all do during sports meet...
means the baton is being passed from the people to us...
if we were to give up during the race, which actually means dropping the baton..
all the other 4 runners would be disqualified
i am sure this is something enough to think about and keep me going
=)

shedding some light

school todae seem really very different from the ordinary...
much nicer i guess
but indeed i have come to my senses not to trust in many things or people that i see
yeah..i did felt like why would events all twist to show the fact that it is tough to read a person's mind or to even ascertain that the person is my good and true friend
some points that i learnt in last sun's sermon that can never be more real to me than now
1) Friends create faith, not fear. They just brightens up your life
2) Friends strengthen my walk with God
3) Friends celebrate my victory and we'll rejoice together with each other during someone's victory
4) Friends equip me with my future

couldn't really relate all these points till this day
it all seem so real
i know i am partially at fault for not asking earlier to clear up all the doubts
or even inducing u to feel that its true
so that we can just share our lives openly
if you really feel that i am jealous about your relations
there's nothing much for me to say or try to explain myself
the only thing i know i regard u as a good friend...seriously

everything seems to be changing and events turning out more sour than before
losing my motivation to go school or even listen to lectures..
nothing's really going in
but its time to clean up the mess...pack my bag and set off to go
i'll not fall back into such things even again..with God's guidance..

mei gui lou aka ROSE MANSION

mei gui lou
home to 3 shanghai most famous and pretty dancers...
that was how the whole story started
hahas..in case u think that i m talking rubbish..
this is 2SD2 infamous haunted house...which we are all very proud of..
looking back at the numerous times we all stayed back in school to prepare materials..
sweat it out..and bleed it out literally
our class just held each other throughout the happy funny...and as well as the tough periods
its just perfect
hahas...and the day came just as expected
fun o rama 18th...
first time i slept little knowing that i am going to have a super duper exhausting day ahead
at first...i was really nervous and anxious about the whole thing
the teachers did a first trial and suggested my dressroom to change my script and all
a little upsetting and last minute..and syl suggested me crawling...which left some big marks on my legs though
she screamed when i just did my first trial..so i knew that was the way to go =P
met all sorts of visitors throughout the whole day
so i can classify them as 3 different groups
1) the boys....can be a freak irritated bunch that made me wanna bite them if i can coz they just can't admit if they're frightened
2) the mixed group...with the girls screaming when the guys poke fun at them
3) the all girls kind...easiest to freak out
hahas...the whole day was really fun filled...not that pleasurable but we enjoyed or maybe its just me started loving to scared people as much as i can
thanks all the 3 dancers....the altar guy...the toilet mandy liz....tunnel...jeanette aud...
kitchen...jade marianne....dressing rm..me...hl and karmen...exit..debs and jol
u all are the greatest most amazing bunch of classmates
plus the tour guides..and publicity pple...OMs..weihan..mh..alvin..and also claire who constantly help to arrange timing..christine...brandon..
thanks dad and mom..brothers..and my grandma...she qualify for the fearless women award...haha
issac and gang...mao san and ks..who disturbed my long hair

although i got really big blue blacks...cuts all over..it hurts really but i feel i done to the best i could for my role...it was all worthwhile
be a MAN, man doesn't go back on their word..and simply leave....dun promise a role if u can't handle....come on MAN!
dun wish to harp on it..but if i dun mention this...i'll get emotion constipation for life...

todae service was really good..
all i know is that God reminded me when i kneel down to pray
and my knee hurts like mad...God said softly to me
"the pain i bear for u is much greater than this"
what a simple phrase with such a deeper meaning
i cried in his presence
God're greater than any problems or hurts in my life
i love u

i can't go on

-personal advisory, its my blog so please give me some space to let it all out, i'll feel better aft-
neglected this for quite some time..so now i am back
obviously.....everything around has been just spinning..SPIN...SPIN...
i lost all directions
hate it this way
school's been just a zombie gathering centre....
tired....FREAKED OUT
you probably don't really understand why i am feeling this way
but its ok
nothing else really matter
if u think i am a serious pessimistic maniac
you're wrong
its really normal to feel this stressed out
saturday just passed like this
current affairs was kinda expectedly hard...i am really not into such things
went for a swim to really slow things a little...been not getting enough sleep
funfair's not exactly exciting now...but we don't have a choice..we have to stick to our promise
things are not the same in church...
came as a shock....that anything can happen to anyone..i probably understand the reason for that choice...
i know i got to tell myself not to give up....its really tough..TOUGH....i dun lie bout that
for now i had enough....its time to spend some time alone..
God you are the only one that can rescue me from all these....i am not going to sink in to quick sand

"Life throws really random tough knots at u to get u in ur way...u tripped...fall...probably bleed or broke a few teeth...but if u're just gonna sit there and cry and complain....nothing good will really come out of it...tell myself all these is not permanent..once i overcome it...i'll not fear the same knots again..and i can tell the larger and more complicated knots..i am all ready for them"

"please God i pray"

i dont have the mood to go anywhere or do something...but this is something i should not follow my heart
i got one more day left...and i only did like 5% of all the work
plus homework...tutorials..tests...hahahahahas
i can only laugh at myself

when will it be all over?

serious thoughts

happen to read deb's blog and it left me thinking for awhile....intriguing
just came back from cell group which really steered me on the right track
many times i have become too concerned about things that doesn't really concern me..
its really just upsetting to know i could have spend time on things that really benefit me
at my times of loneliness...or even when i am not...there's one thing i know for sure
God is and would always be there to lift me up..he's really my bestest friend..
now and forever
well..time to go back packing before i m the only one left in the house
=P

the unexplained

finally...its time to move...
after saying for so long that i moving house...i didn't really expect it to be so soon..
but there isnt much of a choice but to get everything packed and there at the new house by sun
hahas.....this is the first time i m shifting..and i realized how much i took so many things for granted
my room's in a big big huge pile of mess....files...books..papers...even toys..not mine...all over the floor...only left with a small little pathway to walk in and out....
oh ya...so glad my throat's inflammation gone by now...i never felt so horrible throughout my history of sickness la..fever thats high to make go dizzy..plus swelling throat that hurts when i drink water..super potent combination
praise God for his healing
now i can talk eat and drink like usual..but not too much
before i end up my bloggin here at my old house for the last time
i can't help but recall how my life was spent here in Redhill since i was born

10 things i remembered bout my house=)
1) my primary school was one min walk away from my house..its really fortunate not to walk so much when i was younger as i always tend to leave behind needed stuff at home
2) my house is near the main street..so at several occasions....we can hear the car accidents..when we hear the sudden skids following by a loud bang...all the neighbours would crowd at the corridor to check out the accident..a little kpo..but that's their past time..haha
3) when my dad went for army reservice..or is that how its spelled..which was like ten years ago
i would cuddle at the bed to sleep with my mom..
4) i used to get frightened by lightning...and would scream and run to my parents' room
but not ok?
5) i rmb that i dropped some file or something from the window once...ended up having to run downstairs to find it back before its stolen
6) i always eat the two hawker centres till i know which stall and where sells wat
will definitely miss the food here though
not much variety at the new place
7) i just love my house
8) its the place where i come to know God truly
9) its filled with that family warmth that words can't express =)
10) i'll miss it definitely
hahas.....quite out of point but i am looking forward to my new green room
with lots of space to put my stuff....
hopefully can get my buddies over when everything's settled
feel like something is turning complicated now....
feel a little down and that the people doesn't realize or just doesnt feel the way that i do
thank God for people like Joseph
shalt elaborate further
"many times circumstances might turn sour....things that might go wrong had all gone wrong"
"when ur life just seem so stressed, God comes to remind me lightly..its not all about this"
He who is me is GREATER than who he is in the world
my everlasting tower of refuge is in the Lord
nothing really compares with Him
cheer up friends!!!
we've a brighter day to look forward to
jurong west here i come..hahas

bracing myself

its really fast...i m now back in school and its already the second week
can't believe how the atmosphere of school is kinda different from last year...
this year seem so much more fast paced and stressful....and fun as well
although the workload didn't lessen or should i say it increased by quite an amount
i still feel that unexpressable joy
oh well...been really glad God's comforting me and holding me up
and in case u all haven realize...something real BIG happened at the staircase outside of the hall leading to the canteen...which cause a massive uproar and everyone laughed so hard we can roll on the floor
sorrie for being so evil..but know u're not hurt or anything can le
finally i m doing maths tutorials...thats kinda miraculous
econ's never ending work...better go work on it
tired and dread that feeling..but i m hanging on
so u guys gonna too rite?
=)

year 2006 =)

another brand new year awaits...2006's going to be really the best year yet
today's the first day of school....kinda anxious at first
but the whole day was just a constand bombardment on how near As are...how fast prelims and syllabus gonna end
stress la
somemore i still got 6 more days of online lessons to go for econs..
how can i make it?
God please help me
parents are getting edgy bout church stuff again
thk i better put more effort into my studies
report card was worst..somemore with such comments
if i still dun pull up my socks..i'll end up drowning
anyway...i am under severe girls oppression
hahas
karmen's oppressing me to carry stuff for her
oh well
just gotta relax or i'll just get depression
ARRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH
hmm..not going to think bout it
just going to pray and leave it to God
he'll make a way when there seem to be no way