nothing beats having resolve all...and being back to as before.
:)
friends can just make such big differences in our lives
one week of tough marching is finally over..just one more to go
hope i'll have my next friday night free!
dun wanna miss out on the reunion cum farewell party.
life can afford to slow down a little.

misunderstood.
sometimes even the closest friends are capable of that
not that my best friends did.
but that totally plunged me straight down the deepest valley
with that subtle frustration always tugging at my heart
that sucks big time
thank God for giving me the strength..and reminding me that he's my best friend
:)
came to realize today that parades can be pretty life-changing too
felt that little pride to be able to represent my company and march in front of so large an audience
at least better than feeling all depressed over the endless rehearsals that come before every parade itself.
wishing for a night out real soon.
to be able chill out with friends

finally.a short break from a long,physical week in camp
that left everyone pretty much drained physically, emotionally and mentally
can't comprehend why certain people would act in a certain manner that leave us wondering what did we actually do wrong now.
perhaps he just want us to live in fear everyday
no matter what i am always reminded that God placed him over my life as my leader
thus.i just have to respect his authority.his actions are not for me to judge
i am really looking forward to school now.
can't wait for life to resume its normal state.
subzone camp is already ongoing even as i type this entry now...
haha hope i can get there early tml and that someone would save a plate of food for a hungry soul like me:)
ok time to pack up and head back to camp soon!

went for my first driving lesson today..was 15 minutes late!
no idea why the trains are still so packed though they claimed to have increased the frequency by how many trains during this period of time blah and all..sigh
on a lighter note..the instructor allowed me to start driving on the first lesson!
was expecting him to just go through with me the parts of the car and how to operate the clutch-gear system..haha...
driving a car feels totally different from riding a bike..thats for sure..
and having to turn the steering wheel for a few rounds just to make a small right turn.
that took me a long while to get use to it.not forgetting the engine died twice
i am a disaster.i know my army pals would nod in agreement.
haha..i need to practice more.can't wait for the next lesson:)
weekend's coming to an abrupt end

happy birthday jeanie!
our dearest leader,friend:)

can't believe becca actually get to go to all these places, while i had to endure the whole week of heat, sweat and endless rehearsals
life's quite unfair apparently.haha
the church looks like what i saw in the books that i borrowed..
imagine getting to see it real life..woah:)
happened to come across some stranger's blog.
surprised and sadden how some people can become so over-zealous for God
thus causing people around to stumble.
guess that is where the balance is essential
going out to catch up on the sales tml..:)
nite

my answer to a hungry night!can't get enough of it.worry about MSG later.haha

yeah:)
finally got down to changing layout
realized how unbalanced the ratio of skins for girls and guys
haha..perhaps there are much more female skin creators out there
anyway..i passed FTT:) that means no more lame driving theory tests anymore
time to start practical lessons soon..haha
watching the news, with all the constant updates on the suffering in China.
how fragile n unpredictable life can be..gotta keep the country in prayer!
finally met up with pos friends today...we have to meet up more often man
counting down to the last two days of off..:(
would definitely feel uneasy when back in camp
n that also means ippt is drawing near..and i must get myself up early to run tml morning..i must.

"not being complacent, or self-righteous"
"going back to the basic of praying, reading his Word, fasting"
i can hear Him reminding me to breakout of my current situation
ok..time to meet army pals for lunch..:)
FTT's tml...though i am not fully prepared
seriously hoping i can pass it!
haha

its the second day of the long long break:)
spent half a day researching more bout the trip to Taiwan probably in Jan 09
horrified that airport taxes has risen to 300 bucks, which is like almost one-third of the cost of the trip..
oh no..that means i have to save even more now.but guess it will be all worthwhile
never been out on holiday with my bunch of close friends.
haha
managed to wake up early today to go time my whole 2.4 timing
barely made the timing..guess its time to start training and not be lazy
everything for ippt silver!:)

no idea why, but parents always like to leave me to fend for myself..
don't think i can afford driving lessons now with my current allowance
and i almost impulsively sign up for bike lesson at ubi
perhaps the error in the online system was God's reminder for me to calm down
traveling all the way to ubi for bike lessons don't exactly appeal to me after much thought
thank you God

i need to get back into prayer and his Word.
this life of mine is not mine, it is His
what my mind can perceive is only a fraction of his wisdom
i'll trust in Him..

back to singapore:)
this taiwan trip really make me see life in a different perspective.
anyway..the first obvious difference i could feel back here is the constant warm and humid weather
the cold windy nights in taiwan are missed..ok but please do not include the mosquitoes that attacked relentlessly
haha
the relaxed and almost stress free lifestyle of the villagers seem quite captivating
what can be as laid back as just tending a small onion plantation, living in a small self built cement house, with a scooter to take u to the nearest town to replenish your groceries.

having a small chat with your neighbours in front of the television every night

perhaps this is what make the behaviour of the old rude and senile people that can't seem to work something out with their minds but have to be barking endlessly to express themselves, somewhat glaring.

i need to get out of this asap.
other than that,the time in taiwan was pretty remarkable.
after reaching kaoshiung,
we were just squeezing as many places into a day's itinerary
eating and shopping!
plus a mad time at the arcade.
that sums up the whole trip to the city.
realized that the cab rides there are so affordable!
at least the meter won't be ticking away even when u're stuck for minutes at a junction
haha:)
my last day's breakfast.tang pau (pau with meat,veg and soup inside that burst out)
plus carrot cake n iced coffee.woah:)

beef noodles!:)
i have learnt that at many times many of us are so trapped inside our own worlds
that we failed to connect and show love to the people around us.
we're just right in our own sense.though others know that you're utterly wrong and
have not change for the better since day one.
feel disappointed to know a fellow believer to be like this.
pray that he knows.
to sum it all.i m really thankful for God's protection even when i scaled the toughest terrain
he's my refuge.strong tower in times of need:)
thank you God.

flying off in just 13 hours time.
:) gonna enjoy the flight
though everything seems to come a little too fast
making me feel a little desensitized
met up with the tutors for dinner..to sorta send me off
totally enjoyed it..haha
time out with people that are more experienced and mature in age can be such a good experience.
ended the day with coffee n cheesecake..nothing more to ask for:)
ok its time to really gain weight and start running more often.
must always keep that in mind
amidst all the searching for an answers to things in life
it all leads back to one thing..
"seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added on to you"
something so basic but yet powerful.
alrite...bye people.
be back in may:)
my chicken cutlet and bubble tea are waiting for me.haha
i am so going to miss my laptop.

oh my...i need to save money..and share the usd 150 minimum purchase cost with issac
haha.online goods can seem so attractive and tempting
i am just lacking the credit card only
oh well..maybe i can find a good deal for a bag in taiwan..
if not its online spree with zak when i am back
feels so good to be alive and kicking
especially without any fever or any other form of sickness to tie you to the bed
taiwan's weather's still kinda warm..like 22-30 degrees
wind please cool the area down!dun end up becoming as stuffy n unbearable like in singapore
















the real cool bag that's calling out to be bought
haha:)
finally going back to help out at tuition tml..haven seen the kids for like 3 weeks!!
ahh..healthy body is all you need today
take care of it.

in just one week, i fell so utterly ill..
spent the whole week home..
fever temperatures so high..i started having weird dreams or hallucinations whenever i managed to fall asleep
oh my..at that point of time.i m just silently shouting out for help and praying for miracle healing
not knowing when it will end.
though it dragged on till today
i m still grateful that He came n rescued me.really.PRAISE GOD!:)
guess this is one life experience i would remember so dearly

"life might not seem all that great and there seems to be no reason to embrace it till life itself is almost taken away"

"so live life and treasure everyday, being healthy and alive is one great miracle and privilege already:)"

another saturday gonna get burnt again...forcing me to miss fun o rama!
kinda frustrated with this schedule..but guess that i can only comply
all my brothers and friends are stuck in the same boat
perhaps when we fly off, things would be easier.

the flu bug's catching up on me
been sneezing almost endlessly since i went church in the morning
darn
but serving for registration is one different but yet good experience
time to build on hr skills
although the days out increased, my mood's been lower
ever since i m always rushing in and out of camp
God please end this whole thing asap
its really draining and messing up our lives
alrite.time to go back soon
can't wait for service on sun!
:)

finally finish watching the film "my girl and i"
really touched by it...the plot can be so simple yet intriguing




















Song hye-gyo real pretty in it..and yeah its kinda backdated to only have watched it now
guess its time to catch up on more Korean films n dramas:)
i m getting so used to just sit in the living room with my laptop..haha.think its becoming a bad habit..even if i have nothing much to go online for.
yesterday was one eventful day, sure beats aimlessly spending one day out in the woods.
headed to jessie's office at raffles place, me n xiaoqian were just overwhelmed by the tall office buildings n all the busy office crowd flooding the train station in a bid to get back home..
so here we were, dressing as we normally do, feeling awkward with people dressed in ties, suits n all kinds of formal attires surrounding us.
but one word i can say about her office was just WOW.
never ever imagined so much creativity n designing could go into a supposedly mundane office with just desks n chairs, computers and what not.
haha..a visual tour.i m inspired.:)
at least i m certain people involved in designing aint gonna starve..haha
then went airport to send becca off to germany.
mixed emotions..but glad she's ready to go..
gonna miss the times that we had spent.
no one to rant to..or to just go for impromptu shopping
so take care over there..n please pick up some german ok.
haha
okie..one n half more day of rest ahead..cheers:)

back for half a day..in an hour i gotta be back
in just a few days ago..everything seem pretty normal
but in a split second, we're all living in this day to day uncertain
aint the nicest way to spend the week..but cant help it i guess
just really praying for that crap to get caught n give me some peace..
a little indignant that i have to spend the weekend rotting away out there
cant even send becca off for her Germany trip...so ya..if she's reading this..
i'll probably give my take care speech here next weekend?so sorry
i need a life out there!

the troopers are finally promoted...it came as a surprise..
perhaps to end off the whole chain of good weeks with a big bang?
hah..the trip back to sentosa with jean,jt,becca n wilson
was really a good time to bask in the sun,get dirtied by sand n get ourselves all burnt till we all looked ready to be served on plates
i like the tan that i have now:)
my primary 5 kids were absolutely restless during tuition class on sat
ahh...but they're still so adorable at the end..with their innocent comments
the whole weekend was a good time to rest though
applied for the BCA scholarship for the first time..though its under the same umbrella of organisations as URA which worked hard to crumble my confidence...
just trusting and praying this will be a God-given chance to earn a sponsor for my uni studies
lack of sleep made me kinda grouchy for the whole day..was just wanting to get home bath n rest
perhaps get all the hassle and bustle of life out of my mind for awhile
can next week pass by in a flash?just no outbreak again on my face will be consoling enough..haha
a real nice pic that i took in sentosa..near the twin towers



















sometimes it can be so hard to truly understand a person's actions n rationale..but guess that i can also be more considerate n thoughtful.

a week just flew by without me actually realizing it.

but to be able to just sit here out in the living room..with my own laptop blogging

i can only say that it seems like a simple dream of yesterday..

so i m just so grateful that dad agreed to purchase it this sat..

hah..even though i m not free-loading..n is already bonded to a three year contract with him..

haha..only i could be paying back installments for a laptop over such a long period of time

anyway..vista's interface is way cool..haven lag once since i start using it

(perhaps reason being its still empty on programs n memory consuming files)

simple happiness:)

other than the blessing.

the past two weeks in camp can be considered as the best two weeks of army life i guess

able to stay out everyday...enjoying the food n company of the civilian world..to the extent i wished we would just stayed in for a couple of days n spare my minute allowance

oh well..to summarise a stayout wouldnt be all that great without pals n friends like becca n zak..
n the meet up with debs after a 'century long'

hurray TOASTBOX!:)
"how much longer are u gonna wander away from my presence?"

i felt that tugging at me throughout the two prayer meets that i attended

its time to step back into his will..

sentosa's sand salt water n sea!!we're coming on thurs..haha

my post ns state of mind

managed to book out of camp real early today..
but the train ride back from yishun took a good 40 minutes
just make my desire to get the license n drive a bike, car...anything..around
i will definitely not miss the peak hour crowds
congrats shit bag, pls drive safely!hah
having a tad more free time this week really set me thinking..
now that i m in ns..things around seem kinda foreign..the projects that the poly people are cooped up with..the sem exams all the girls in uni are always worrying about
all that seems so distant
think my not intellectual mind have gone into a half-shut down mood..
thats scary
been trying to read up about current affairs whenever i can get my hands on newspapers.
n attempting to watch more tv..(not just all the dramas n entertainment prog of course)
haha
guess that i should feel more fortunate when i m out on the weekend, as compared to my friends around..at least i dun have to worry about unfinished works, never-ending project meetings to go for..n upcoming exams that are zapping away all the good mood to relax.
while i just head back camp every sun..to do rountine activities that depends little on brainpower.
always wanted to borrow more architecture books n start drawing more often
but more than often i am just not in the mood..and procrastination prevails..lazy me
life is definitely not just a party i am certain
tml's vday..but i would be celebrating it as the no-lovers day with my army pals.
as they all named it that way..haha
not the usual vday..but it's sure better than to spend it all alone.
the past 3 days reminded me that it aint that easy to forget, let go n let things resume its normal state.but i just have to try harder.

my four long days of extended weekend cny break is over!wonder why time always fly by when its rest and holiday..
hah..probably just the mindset that i take
okie..some pic record of chu yi and chu er..
of me n my bro before we head out to pai nian.



















first day:)




















my brothers love to give wierd faces
hah

















cny would never be the same if it had not ended with your besties
they're really my life support..through the toughest n the happiest moments
cheers.
ok the ns portal is seriously irritating.forever not recognising my password..no matter how many million times..maybe it doesnt want me to find out that i m still underpaid..haha
okie..looking forward to this two weeks of course..
can stay out!
:)

xin nian chu yi

woah..today's xin nian chu yi!
probably the best day in the whole cny calender.
started off with going to the usual places like dad's side family
then to visit my grandpa's grave...brought everyone a little emotional relief n perhaps some encouragement
then off to the more interactive place.mom's family
things didnt turn out awkward or anything...n it was rather good family time
but felt that as i grew older..the words grew lesser
maybe just that i dun really feel that festive mood that strongly since i m in ns
hah..tired 12% red wine..n i turned red almost immediately
just proves that i cant drink..seriously
haha..looking forward to the next two days.
gathering at jy's house with the other army guys...then sat spend with my great buddies.
cny aint gonna be such a bore after all
know i have to make a decision pretty soon.but my heart is really torn between both sides.
is it all wrong to like someone...i wonder.
that izak teh is off to malaysia collecting hongbaos..after all his failed attempts to meet up with us...time to question him when he's back..haha
ok a random pic update!
nite out with church pals at mos.the most decent pic i would say amidst all the other unglam dancing poses n red faces..hah:)

no one, the way you

who doesn't long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told.
if there's a soulmate for everyone.
just that sometimes it aint as easy as it might seem
perhaps..most people just dun understand

happy lunar new year guys n gals..gong xi fa cai:)

a sense of helplessness

didnt realize how a normal week in camp could have so much impact on how everything is now
first the basic theory test..
got to postponed it for the second time
perhaps i would never have the chance to sit for it till i ORD-ed
hate how schedule is always so unexpected.hectic.n definitely not effective or beneficial to any of us
wat made matters worse was the hike of the renewal fees from like 10 dollars to like now 42 bucks???seriously,what does the driving centre do to deserve private candidates to pay so much for enrolment
ahhhhhhh
on a lighter note..things in camp was made more heartwarming with the celebration of one of our favourite trooper's birthday
no one would expect to be woken up late at nite...then held down by your friends n get your hands n legs all taped to the bed frame..
hah..sounds kinda sadistic..but we tried not to hurt him..
happy birthday muncle..aka fat cat
the week just leaves me to question if its that hard to be able to love someone
ok some old pictures update
me zak n becca formed our own emo alley pic album:)
























































good nite...hope tml would be a brighter day

happy brand new 2008

woo..a brand new year started.
lots to expect in the coming days
going to ord by the end of the year
going back to the civilian world can be pretty exciting
though 07 might not have ended on such a high note
nevertheless..i m still thankful for all that i had in the past year
the people around me that cared for me
n most importantly God who walked me through the darkest hour
though my whole year's gonna be spent serving ns
really planned to do more meaningful things to make life more colourful
need to build up on my drawing skills especially:)
spent the last part of the year with dearest friends
holland v's a great place to have dinner n chill
ok there's too many photos to upload n i m getting lazy to do it
next time maybe

guess its timely i make myself clear that this is MY blog and i would not need self-righteous, zoned-out people that dare not step out to show their identities and prefer to stay comfortable and hide behind their self-given code names and attempt to attack people's tagboard
with all your great theories of how my life should be.
and even resort to using force to prove your point
hai...seriously if my blog entrys irks u so much...why even bother coming to my blog n reading it?
life would be so much simpler if u all just stayed away
thanks!to the people who trust in me.though i dun know who you all are
had a real odd day yesterday
went out to get some soccer shoes with my bro.
haha..even taking the train felt wierd...like when the train started moving
perhaps its due to the fact that i was away from civilisation for too long
my bro gotten budget golden adidas shoes.
but they look pretty worthwhile..
had dim sum n a lot of random chinese dishes for dinner..
was really what i dreamt singapore would be like in brunei
haa..

my first trip to BRUNEI

the last view of temburong














the 40 minutes thrilling ride to the capital (the river looks as wide as what i view as sea)

turning left, turning right.have i moved on?

today was my first day of a supposedly long week of off..and ahem...self applied leave
thought it would be real gd..like hey i m out of camp and its time to catch up with friends
but ended up..i m left stunned and not knowing what's wrong
been feeling a little lost nowadays..
like as if i am not in control of my world..like things just happen and pass me by..without me knowing
cant seem to focus on getting everything done..end up..i screwed it all
all this just led me to becoming more frustrated..
and it doesn't help when friends just dun understand..
PLEASE..i gotta let my YES be a YES, and of course a NO be a NO
never anything in between
i need to get my priorities right
tired
maybe all this will change when i serve till that fateful day
but now i cant stay this way
no matter what..still looking forward to the next 3 days..party a little..let my hair if any down.
n i cant DOTA for nuts..i need lessons for dummies like right now
people in the past seem to fade in my memory
somehow like i actually dun know them well..
people in the present makes me assured
but yet things in the future are uncertain

my not so smooth going mth of ns

well...in continuation to my past entry..things still seem a little lost for me
or should i say i m still feeling lost as to how i can just screwed up so much stuff around
not considering the money i've already lost by paying my salary off to the owner for its overpriced items
oh..my samsung mp3 player finally here..still pretty fascinated by its sound quality and its touch buttons though they can be rather retarded at times..
its a real worthwhile deal i can say
shall post the pic again














pretty!
ok enough bout the tech stuff.
been feeling real frustrated bout things lately....
like the people around me sometimes seem like they dun understand what u gotta go through week after week
how your life just revolve around a regime..and that u practically have no control over when u wanna go out and what u wanna do
i m like sandwiched in the middle..
ahhhh!
all these feelings just kinda exploded within me when i shatter my bunk window today
sounds unbelievable but i caused it
crazy me.
even i passed by dover mrt today..cant help but recall how my life would be as a student..
carrying that little bag skipping along off to home after a long tiring day cramping lecture info into my mind(provided i m awake)..haha
and the endless tutorials that were waiting to be done
life seem so much simpler than..
must we all experience the complexity of life as we grow up?..
silly as it may sound..guess i m still in transition stage
gotten two preloaded songs of SGwannabe and sung si kyung inside the player
real nice songs
tonite's off supposed to be for me come home and enjoy some family company with mooncakes..but things turned out to be i m in my room doing my stuff
feel so guilty for bursting out at them
i need a good rest man..to cure my short term memory and my carelessness

reminded that even as i go through the fires in life..
i need to pray not that the fires be put out but that the fires will melt away all the flaws n impurities within me..
make me purer..=)

a word from above

'Why do you worry?Haven I brought u through worse days when u thought u aint gonna make it..but see for yourself..where are u now?
honor my name..work out the life i have planned for u
you're different from the rest..u got the Holy Spirit in you
I am in control..the earth..skies and seas, they're all mine'
just a short word make my life take on a new turn
circumstances don't change..and probably would never..
but its the person's attitude and heart that does
thats the whole idea

hai:(

My STM is really killing me big time

dun speak...i rather u dun

had a great day of biking..learnt lots
but nite just was draining..
perhaps it would be better if i m not spoken to that way
might not be serious.
but its somehow tough for others to stand in your shoes n look at the world.
feel the strain
oh well
life's just goes on that way
10 more days to the my normal green life
n full weekends
brunei's so ehhh now

shoutout

i hope u all understand...its really that my mind is going on it..but my body is physically breaking down

cycle of depression

whenever i tell myself i can do it..
it just seem so tough
so not the way i want things to end
even as i listen to some emo song on my com
my heart sinks
is there a purpose to all this..what would i learn after all these?
haa..perhaps..endurance for lack of sleep and having a tolerating spirit to other's plain demoralizing comments and a struggle to keep up with a hectic plain idiotic schedule
tell me why do such people exists and such darn meaningless crap have to be carried out
i miss life
i know i cannot stay like this..
He who's in Him is greater than he who's in this world.
i always know














four random faces:)
there's something more

what am i doing exactly?

woke up real early this morning..around 4 am.. kinda looking forward to be going for my first driving course put aside all the inconvenience it brings..like waking up freak early...to take first train to bedok.. having my sat half day burnt....just to complete the whole course...especially when that removes completely my chance to serve in children church tuition with the kids that never failed to cheer up my lowest morale day but who would expect it to bring me even lower.. all the images and expectations of a real bike course.. became more like a terror to me now my body's falling to scrape across the dark cold floor not that i don't wanna face it positively or that i am not prepared enough days in old camp sure prepared me enough knowing that your everyday schedule is just to rush n scramble to complete all the preplanned tasks, given by some 'higher authority' that claims to know best but knows heck how the man feel, that serve to cram every single crap theory n practical lessons into a maximum 12 hours a day.. and the supposedly relaxed paced learning course..became some budget "i throw u lessons n skills...u better pick them up or u'll just stay back n learn till u scrape through" that sucks.. what am i doing now?...should i just watch while the world passes by? its really a struggle to respect authority..especially there's plainly nothing to respect them about just that God placed them over me.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
how could such inhumane n sadistic people exists on this earth i don't mind training hard n sweating it out...but the bare minimum those guys could do is to treat us like normal human being with a heart that beats n motivate us to work hard..not use force, threats of burning free time, extra duties..cleaning toilets.. save me.

my old life

my special sun

yawns
for a first time i started crawling out of bed at like 10am or so..
haha:)
feels different
yesterday's FOP was just wow wow...felt that the atmosphere broke through the dullness and receptiveness of past years
spent whole morning starching uniform in case i get barked to death next week..
then off i go..
to bras basah to buy all that i've been wanting to get for months..
the new korean-english dictionary is a definite good buy..
though i m pretty empty in the pocket right now
appreciate time out with my brother lots..:)
ok now time to save up for a mp3...can i like get promoted quick..
i m desperately struggling to not spend all my allowance
















pretty thing!





God please help me to guard my heart..now that i m set free to decide what i wish to do next in my life..
let it not be just me in the decision making..but let everything be for u and that i would follow coz i choose to..:)
there are just some that placed themselves in position for failure but apparently refuse to admit that..oh just let them be

fulfilling wk of 2007

the to be completed shanghai financial tower....
been waiting to see its final look for ages
its outer glass panel looks woah:)
ok back to the week
oh ya..haven upload much pics for a long time
















just pop by to take a shot with wanz
before heading for special ministry..
can really say this time i felt something struggling within so strongly
God let me guard my heart, thoughts and deeds please
let me not fall back into the same old deep hole and waste all this effort
really felt so free after..
backtracking..
sat was first time exp at children church tuition
the kids are real cute..hyperactive..but yet i was really touched by them
i m finally at what i m called to work for..
sat nite was chill out time with joseph
holland v's perfect for that..with a nice coffee..as usual again..
ok time to pack bag again..
hope that i be blessed with a nite out tml!
haha..

[there are many people that come and go in my life..sometimes all that happen so fast even without me realising some had changed..and that no matter how wow friendship in the past was...its probably forgotten..sad but that's life]

sick...stuffed...cooped up

my long long weekend just comes and goes...going..and gone!
haha...but i m grateful for it.
met up with so many people..then joseph's present for me, a simple but effective schedule planner might be the best gift yet..
sorry kok seng!shouldn't have promised that i'll be meeting u to celebrate your bdae..
anyway..happy bdae!:) thanks for being that joy always amidst the dullest moments in life
finally went to see a real doctor today..after attempting to struggle n fight horrendous flu coupled with endless phlegm..haa..ok shall skip the explicit details..
but now the cough syrup's making me all drowsy..
God please heal me!
having just lots of mixed ideas and thoughts running through my mind now
oh ya..thank you all my dear friends for the gifts and wishes for my bdae..really appreciate it!
know that i m going back in camp in less than an hour time..
and i m dreading it
wanna go and fast forward time
wanna do the things i like..just sitting on my table..drawing..buildings..skyscrapers..houses..bridges..whatever..listening to my fav music on my player..just not like schedule planned run my life..and live a 'mindless' everyday
hmm..maybe its just that everyone else is starting school and i m feeling so envious..
well that day would come eventually..
haha..before we get to start carving out our dream..we yearn and say we would do everything we can to make it come to pass..
but when we're actually doing it..we wanna give up so easily..so ironic..
ok i've typed enough mindless thoughts..
bye

love the one u hate?

love your enemies...
the simplest to say but yet always the hardest to do..
haha...guess most people wont know who i m referring to
but its just that old man in camp
gosh..think bout him
i feel so turned off..
well..perhaps he just destroyed my hopes of having a peaceful first birthday in camp
hai..but at least i can still come home and typed it all out..
how i wish i could get out of this messed up environment n head for school
at least i can choose what i wanna do and put in my best..
being back home can mean so much to me now..
seeing that my loved ones round me care for me..
shower me with the love others cant make up for.
i need to remember all these n treasure them lots =)
anyway a big thank you to all friends for bdae wishes..
haha..although i m feeling a little unwell with flu n cough..plus a extra gift of blue-black on my leg after a flag weight of almost a tonne whacked my leg..
i still feel grateful
God please help me to be different n not condemn those that everyone else cant find a reason to love or care about..

the deep within

a month just crept by in a flash...its already july now
june has probably been the most simple but yet troubling month of my ns life
though there wasnt much outfield or hated fast marches
all the new lessons seem to open my views bout ns to a new world
especially having to run so often..and 2.4 is suppose to be like chicken feet now
aft so much long dist running
but intially
i hated all the running..but after all that trainings
thank God that he brought me through so much and i m stronger than ever
sometimes i would be grateful that i m placed at this time, place and situation such that God's ultimate masterplan seem to be such a comfort to me
whenever i m out in green lands..all fully soaked in sweat..questioning myself the purpose of all this shit
he just gently reminds me he's in control..and that all things would work out right for those who love him
all these low valleys make me realized the importance and how awesome He is to me
must we all go through rough patches to learn to appreciate n to love?i m sure there's more than one way to do so
hope that my eg will encourage all those that is ready to give up..
perservere on and u'll see the glimpse of light burning amidst the darkness

internal turmoil

so long haven been able to just freely blog..and just not rush to do everything in the weekend
that was how i thought things would be..for this one week off
but perhaps..not all events would be so heart warming and delightful..
always felt that my parents have changed ever since i have gone into army
they now pick on the slightest thing i do
they rather i stay at home and do nothing..than to go out to catch up with friends
i m scolded for wasting my allowances away..when in actual fact..i m paying it from own "hard earned" peanuts allowance..
they wanna be the director of my life..
yet they cant keep promises
though they're adults...they get so uptight and angry so easily..
almost with little or no provoke
they cant admit their own wrong..and kids are suppose to take the blame.
the week off caused so much tension and turmoil...i seriously wanna go back to camp..
even doing push ups and running till i feel like dying dun feel so stressful
i guess at times certain things i said ain't too edifying..i m sorry bout it..
but it seem so challenging just to enjoy a full day of quality time with parents..
everyone is just bickering here there n everywhere
i wanna break free from this...sometimes i dream of just moving away to a faraway place and live my own life..eat what i like..work hard for my own living..haha
or maybe its just the inner rebel showing?..
my mind swirls whenever i think of it..
i m glad God always reminds me to "honor your parents that you may live a long life"
i need to stick to that
please give me the strength n love from above..i m seriously beaten n cant do it on my own
well time for something happier..
emerge is coming!church's annual youth conference..
know that it would be exciting and is definite to build up my spiritual life..
slept pretty late while waiting for my dad to finish using the com..
by then i was too exhausted to even upload any song into my repaired ZEN..
oh ya..went to help out at pos jc..they're doing a wow job..with a strong dance..cool cheer..they really look outstanding..all the jc cluster fight on!

some last words...=)

went for nus architecture apitude test...was a pretty much nerve wrecking experience..didnt know what to expect..and who to meet!..was just plainly stranded in a sea of happily chatting away people...met rong and xx though..
surprised that xx said hi..
anyway..the two hours in the hall..just reminded me of As..with the numerous rows and the routine of placing your ic on the top right..
making the model was fun..though i had no idea if the 'rocket' thingy i made out of paper fit into the theme..but the theme was odd enough..
then came a picture of kettle..that look like it came right of ikea's catalogue...
describing its qualities in 5 key words left me scratching my head
yeah at least its over..and i didnt had to memorise anything beforehand
had a guys' night out again..with my usual buddies
fish n co..
guess i will definitely miss their company and our crappy conversations bout our school days when i am off
woo hoo..there's no second round of interview for archi..
phew..
looking forward to the flight tonite..but not exactly the outfield..but guess it would be a good experience..
i have been thinking alot now adays..and getting a little paranoid
ahhh.
this past week of sermon..reminded me of something so important..
being on hot pursuit of my dream..
daring to confess and knowing it will come to pass if its within God's will for me
that sure encouraged me tonnes..
ok got to go..and finish packing
meanwhile u guys and girls take care...:)
keep smiling..

emo period

sometimes all the things...people..and the way they behave..
keeps me wondering..are we all leaving under that veil..or cover
that we're so well trained to be flexible enough to take on different roles at different places...times..environment or people?
that sucks...why put up that pretense?
u may fool the whole world but u cant fool yourself..and God for sure..if u believe in Him
perhaps it takes one to be in a situation of restrictions and lack to appreciate the once considered 'little' that he or she has in his or her life...
hai
does it meant to say..all that i know of u was just pure acting?..or i was too oblivious to that..
friday was really good..
never ever felt so ministered in past years' event as compared to this year
think the party will never end....dance awhile longer and u'll know..

fresh into the next phrase of NS

well..things that i dread or love..comes and goes..so is my ns life..
in a flash...hot and rainy tekong days and i am heading straight to a whole new unknown
guess alot of my previous anxiety and worries aren't really needed..
mandai camp is sure interesting..and nice looking
better than the offshore island
ok my first week of recce just passed and i would really say that the commanders made all the difference..
no matter how tough training may be...if the upper level are supportive..u'll have the motivation to fight on..hwaiting!
know rest of my buddies have their share of exp
going taiwan soon...kinda looking forward to it..especially the last two days off!
woo hoo..
sad thing is that i wouldnt be enjoying much of camp facilities and food..
gosh..the food is good..
moving off to another camp for course..
haven seen my jc friends for another week..some others for a month
gotta go for pm now..know it'll be good!
and dinner out with the guys..
ok shall post one pic...
of me without hair..and with cap?..














night out..with jc pals

cheers!

when its time to let go..its never too late
cheers karmen!
there's always someone better..
3 cheers for karmen!hip hip hooray x3
teaching sounds pretty interesting for her..haha

tekong fever

chinese new year just came and go..and before i knew it..
i was already heading back to my tekong chalet..
haha
though this year's cny isnt as exciting compared to previous years..
without my mom's side relatives all gathering at my grandma hse
since it was sold ever since my grandpa passed away
kinda miss that warm and noisy cny day one
nevertheless
still busy indulge myself with lots of food!
cant really eat much..after getting a big swollen left finger
gross.first time i understood the pain of infection..
over the last two nites at camp
as usual..when lights out..my mp3 will light up
listened to all the joyce meyer's podcasts
learnt something so real
jesus died not for us to just survive day by day
as most people do
he died so we can ENJOY..yes enjoy..
our daily lives...constantly believing and having joy in whatever we do or face
i gotta pick that up..
miss the class pple..haven seen most of them for a month or so..
so if anyone who read this and u all are meeting up..please tell me..
ok maybe we'll just meet when As are out..
haha
yeah..service tml =)
pray that this horrible cough and slight fever be gone

happy lunar new year

dear blog i m back after like almost one month plus?
so i guess to wipe the dust away and get things in order...
haha
anyway....time seriously flew by even though i wasnt exactly having fun
life on tekong can just be a tad too mundane and make u feel so screwed up
but nevertheless, i can say that i m getting used to it and slowly enjoying it?..
hmm...boy gotta become man someday
anyway just used up some of my pay to get a zen v plus
woah..its seriously small..














pretty good for the price that i paid
the videos are sharp for such a puny screen
haha..i will remain a creative fan i guess
yup..
gotta go zzz
enjoy the holis people..
hopefully i get to take some pics of my bald head tml..

UOB Plaza

its the third drawing
haha..
ok its bad coz i m sleepy and the uob building seems to be leaning sideways..
anyway..its oub plaza in the background

the first day of 2007

in a flash..i made it through 2006...
and i step straight into the first day of 2007
with rather mixed feelings..both glad his grace and strength supported me through
yet bigger challenges await..
most important thing is i m looking forward..and dashing all the way till the end..
breakaway from all the past..














pretty fireworks at marina bay..we could only see those that flew up to greater heights..
haha..we all went slightly mad..
and totally sticked shoulders to shoulders in citilink mall...never knew it could be this packed


































me, becca and huiling =)


























my countdown buddies






















































becca's photo perfect shoot















a slight flashback for christmas














we crazy people..walking while it drizzled quite heavily, hid under a pullover..tried snapping pictures..oh well.we're mad haha














my dear cousin..at service..
okie...happy new year pple!