what am i doing exactly?

woke up real early this morning..around 4 am.. kinda looking forward to be going for my first driving course put aside all the inconvenience it brings..like waking up freak early...to take first train to bedok.. having my sat half day burnt....just to complete the whole course...especially when that removes completely my chance to serve in children church tuition with the kids that never failed to cheer up my lowest morale day but who would expect it to bring me even lower.. all the images and expectations of a real bike course.. became more like a terror to me now my body's falling to scrape across the dark cold floor not that i don't wanna face it positively or that i am not prepared enough days in old camp sure prepared me enough knowing that your everyday schedule is just to rush n scramble to complete all the preplanned tasks, given by some 'higher authority' that claims to know best but knows heck how the man feel, that serve to cram every single crap theory n practical lessons into a maximum 12 hours a day.. and the supposedly relaxed paced learning course..became some budget "i throw u lessons n skills...u better pick them up or u'll just stay back n learn till u scrape through" that sucks.. what am i doing now?...should i just watch while the world passes by? its really a struggle to respect authority..especially there's plainly nothing to respect them about just that God placed them over me.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
how could such inhumane n sadistic people exists on this earth i don't mind training hard n sweating it out...but the bare minimum those guys could do is to treat us like normal human being with a heart that beats n motivate us to work hard..not use force, threats of burning free time, extra duties..cleaning toilets.. save me.

my old life