guess its timely i make myself clear that this is MY blog and i would not need self-righteous, zoned-out people that dare not step out to show their identities and prefer to stay comfortable and hide behind their self-given code names and attempt to attack people's tagboard
with all your great theories of how my life should be.
and even resort to using force to prove your point
hai...seriously if my blog entrys irks u so much...why even bother coming to my blog n reading it?
life would be so much simpler if u all just stayed away
thanks!to the people who trust in me.though i dun know who you all are
had a real odd day yesterday
went out to get some soccer shoes with my bro.
haha..even taking the train felt wierd...like when the train started moving
perhaps its due to the fact that i was away from civilisation for too long
my bro gotten budget golden adidas shoes.
but they look pretty worthwhile..
had dim sum n a lot of random chinese dishes for dinner..
was really what i dreamt singapore would be like in brunei
haa..

my first trip to BRUNEI

the last view of temburong














the 40 minutes thrilling ride to the capital (the river looks as wide as what i view as sea)

turning left, turning right.have i moved on?

today was my first day of a supposedly long week of off..and ahem...self applied leave
thought it would be real gd..like hey i m out of camp and its time to catch up with friends
but ended up..i m left stunned and not knowing what's wrong
been feeling a little lost nowadays..
like as if i am not in control of my world..like things just happen and pass me by..without me knowing
cant seem to focus on getting everything done..end up..i screwed it all
all this just led me to becoming more frustrated..
and it doesn't help when friends just dun understand..
PLEASE..i gotta let my YES be a YES, and of course a NO be a NO
never anything in between
i need to get my priorities right
tired
maybe all this will change when i serve till that fateful day
but now i cant stay this way
no matter what..still looking forward to the next 3 days..party a little..let my hair if any down.
n i cant DOTA for nuts..i need lessons for dummies like right now
people in the past seem to fade in my memory
somehow like i actually dun know them well..
people in the present makes me assured
but yet things in the future are uncertain

my not so smooth going mth of ns

well...in continuation to my past entry..things still seem a little lost for me
or should i say i m still feeling lost as to how i can just screwed up so much stuff around
not considering the money i've already lost by paying my salary off to the owner for its overpriced items
oh..my samsung mp3 player finally here..still pretty fascinated by its sound quality and its touch buttons though they can be rather retarded at times..
its a real worthwhile deal i can say
shall post the pic again














pretty!
ok enough bout the tech stuff.
been feeling real frustrated bout things lately....
like the people around me sometimes seem like they dun understand what u gotta go through week after week
how your life just revolve around a regime..and that u practically have no control over when u wanna go out and what u wanna do
i m like sandwiched in the middle..
ahhhh!
all these feelings just kinda exploded within me when i shatter my bunk window today
sounds unbelievable but i caused it
crazy me.
even i passed by dover mrt today..cant help but recall how my life would be as a student..
carrying that little bag skipping along off to home after a long tiring day cramping lecture info into my mind(provided i m awake)..haha
and the endless tutorials that were waiting to be done
life seem so much simpler than..
must we all experience the complexity of life as we grow up?..
silly as it may sound..guess i m still in transition stage
gotten two preloaded songs of SGwannabe and sung si kyung inside the player
real nice songs
tonite's off supposed to be for me come home and enjoy some family company with mooncakes..but things turned out to be i m in my room doing my stuff
feel so guilty for bursting out at them
i need a good rest man..to cure my short term memory and my carelessness

reminded that even as i go through the fires in life..
i need to pray not that the fires be put out but that the fires will melt away all the flaws n impurities within me..
make me purer..=)

a word from above

'Why do you worry?Haven I brought u through worse days when u thought u aint gonna make it..but see for yourself..where are u now?
honor my name..work out the life i have planned for u
you're different from the rest..u got the Holy Spirit in you
I am in control..the earth..skies and seas, they're all mine'
just a short word make my life take on a new turn
circumstances don't change..and probably would never..
but its the person's attitude and heart that does
thats the whole idea

hai:(

My STM is really killing me big time

dun speak...i rather u dun

had a great day of biking..learnt lots
but nite just was draining..
perhaps it would be better if i m not spoken to that way
might not be serious.
but its somehow tough for others to stand in your shoes n look at the world.
feel the strain
oh well
life's just goes on that way
10 more days to the my normal green life
n full weekends
brunei's so ehhh now

shoutout

i hope u all understand...its really that my mind is going on it..but my body is physically breaking down

cycle of depression

whenever i tell myself i can do it..
it just seem so tough
so not the way i want things to end
even as i listen to some emo song on my com
my heart sinks
is there a purpose to all this..what would i learn after all these?
haa..perhaps..endurance for lack of sleep and having a tolerating spirit to other's plain demoralizing comments and a struggle to keep up with a hectic plain idiotic schedule
tell me why do such people exists and such darn meaningless crap have to be carried out
i miss life
i know i cannot stay like this..
He who's in Him is greater than he who's in this world.
i always know














four random faces:)
there's something more

what am i doing exactly?

woke up real early this morning..around 4 am.. kinda looking forward to be going for my first driving course put aside all the inconvenience it brings..like waking up freak early...to take first train to bedok.. having my sat half day burnt....just to complete the whole course...especially when that removes completely my chance to serve in children church tuition with the kids that never failed to cheer up my lowest morale day but who would expect it to bring me even lower.. all the images and expectations of a real bike course.. became more like a terror to me now my body's falling to scrape across the dark cold floor not that i don't wanna face it positively or that i am not prepared enough days in old camp sure prepared me enough knowing that your everyday schedule is just to rush n scramble to complete all the preplanned tasks, given by some 'higher authority' that claims to know best but knows heck how the man feel, that serve to cram every single crap theory n practical lessons into a maximum 12 hours a day.. and the supposedly relaxed paced learning course..became some budget "i throw u lessons n skills...u better pick them up or u'll just stay back n learn till u scrape through" that sucks.. what am i doing now?...should i just watch while the world passes by? its really a struggle to respect authority..especially there's plainly nothing to respect them about just that God placed them over me.. ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
how could such inhumane n sadistic people exists on this earth i don't mind training hard n sweating it out...but the bare minimum those guys could do is to treat us like normal human being with a heart that beats n motivate us to work hard..not use force, threats of burning free time, extra duties..cleaning toilets.. save me.

my old life

my special sun

yawns
for a first time i started crawling out of bed at like 10am or so..
haha:)
feels different
yesterday's FOP was just wow wow...felt that the atmosphere broke through the dullness and receptiveness of past years
spent whole morning starching uniform in case i get barked to death next week..
then off i go..
to bras basah to buy all that i've been wanting to get for months..
the new korean-english dictionary is a definite good buy..
though i m pretty empty in the pocket right now
appreciate time out with my brother lots..:)
ok now time to save up for a mp3...can i like get promoted quick..
i m desperately struggling to not spend all my allowance
















pretty thing!





God please help me to guard my heart..now that i m set free to decide what i wish to do next in my life..
let it not be just me in the decision making..but let everything be for u and that i would follow coz i choose to..:)
there are just some that placed themselves in position for failure but apparently refuse to admit that..oh just let them be

fulfilling wk of 2007

the to be completed shanghai financial tower....
been waiting to see its final look for ages
its outer glass panel looks woah:)
ok back to the week
oh ya..haven upload much pics for a long time
















just pop by to take a shot with wanz
before heading for special ministry..
can really say this time i felt something struggling within so strongly
God let me guard my heart, thoughts and deeds please
let me not fall back into the same old deep hole and waste all this effort
really felt so free after..
backtracking..
sat was first time exp at children church tuition
the kids are real cute..hyperactive..but yet i was really touched by them
i m finally at what i m called to work for..
sat nite was chill out time with joseph
holland v's perfect for that..with a nice coffee..as usual again..
ok time to pack bag again..
hope that i be blessed with a nite out tml!
haha..

[there are many people that come and go in my life..sometimes all that happen so fast even without me realising some had changed..and that no matter how wow friendship in the past was...its probably forgotten..sad but that's life]

sick...stuffed...cooped up

my long long weekend just comes and goes...going..and gone!
haha...but i m grateful for it.
met up with so many people..then joseph's present for me, a simple but effective schedule planner might be the best gift yet..
sorry kok seng!shouldn't have promised that i'll be meeting u to celebrate your bdae..
anyway..happy bdae!:) thanks for being that joy always amidst the dullest moments in life
finally went to see a real doctor today..after attempting to struggle n fight horrendous flu coupled with endless phlegm..haa..ok shall skip the explicit details..
but now the cough syrup's making me all drowsy..
God please heal me!
having just lots of mixed ideas and thoughts running through my mind now
oh ya..thank you all my dear friends for the gifts and wishes for my bdae..really appreciate it!
know that i m going back in camp in less than an hour time..
and i m dreading it
wanna go and fast forward time
wanna do the things i like..just sitting on my table..drawing..buildings..skyscrapers..houses..bridges..whatever..listening to my fav music on my player..just not like schedule planned run my life..and live a 'mindless' everyday
hmm..maybe its just that everyone else is starting school and i m feeling so envious..
well that day would come eventually..
haha..before we get to start carving out our dream..we yearn and say we would do everything we can to make it come to pass..
but when we're actually doing it..we wanna give up so easily..so ironic..
ok i've typed enough mindless thoughts..
bye

love the one u hate?

love your enemies...
the simplest to say but yet always the hardest to do..
haha...guess most people wont know who i m referring to
but its just that old man in camp
gosh..think bout him
i feel so turned off..
well..perhaps he just destroyed my hopes of having a peaceful first birthday in camp
hai..but at least i can still come home and typed it all out..
how i wish i could get out of this messed up environment n head for school
at least i can choose what i wanna do and put in my best..
being back home can mean so much to me now..
seeing that my loved ones round me care for me..
shower me with the love others cant make up for.
i need to remember all these n treasure them lots =)
anyway a big thank you to all friends for bdae wishes..
haha..although i m feeling a little unwell with flu n cough..plus a extra gift of blue-black on my leg after a flag weight of almost a tonne whacked my leg..
i still feel grateful
God please help me to be different n not condemn those that everyone else cant find a reason to love or care about..

the deep within

a month just crept by in a flash...its already july now
june has probably been the most simple but yet troubling month of my ns life
though there wasnt much outfield or hated fast marches
all the new lessons seem to open my views bout ns to a new world
especially having to run so often..and 2.4 is suppose to be like chicken feet now
aft so much long dist running
but intially
i hated all the running..but after all that trainings
thank God that he brought me through so much and i m stronger than ever
sometimes i would be grateful that i m placed at this time, place and situation such that God's ultimate masterplan seem to be such a comfort to me
whenever i m out in green lands..all fully soaked in sweat..questioning myself the purpose of all this shit
he just gently reminds me he's in control..and that all things would work out right for those who love him
all these low valleys make me realized the importance and how awesome He is to me
must we all go through rough patches to learn to appreciate n to love?i m sure there's more than one way to do so
hope that my eg will encourage all those that is ready to give up..
perservere on and u'll see the glimpse of light burning amidst the darkness

internal turmoil

so long haven been able to just freely blog..and just not rush to do everything in the weekend
that was how i thought things would be..for this one week off
but perhaps..not all events would be so heart warming and delightful..
always felt that my parents have changed ever since i have gone into army
they now pick on the slightest thing i do
they rather i stay at home and do nothing..than to go out to catch up with friends
i m scolded for wasting my allowances away..when in actual fact..i m paying it from own "hard earned" peanuts allowance..
they wanna be the director of my life..
yet they cant keep promises
though they're adults...they get so uptight and angry so easily..
almost with little or no provoke
they cant admit their own wrong..and kids are suppose to take the blame.
the week off caused so much tension and turmoil...i seriously wanna go back to camp..
even doing push ups and running till i feel like dying dun feel so stressful
i guess at times certain things i said ain't too edifying..i m sorry bout it..
but it seem so challenging just to enjoy a full day of quality time with parents..
everyone is just bickering here there n everywhere
i wanna break free from this...sometimes i dream of just moving away to a faraway place and live my own life..eat what i like..work hard for my own living..haha
or maybe its just the inner rebel showing?..
my mind swirls whenever i think of it..
i m glad God always reminds me to "honor your parents that you may live a long life"
i need to stick to that
please give me the strength n love from above..i m seriously beaten n cant do it on my own
well time for something happier..
emerge is coming!church's annual youth conference..
know that it would be exciting and is definite to build up my spiritual life..
slept pretty late while waiting for my dad to finish using the com..
by then i was too exhausted to even upload any song into my repaired ZEN..
oh ya..went to help out at pos jc..they're doing a wow job..with a strong dance..cool cheer..they really look outstanding..all the jc cluster fight on!

some last words...=)

went for nus architecture apitude test...was a pretty much nerve wrecking experience..didnt know what to expect..and who to meet!..was just plainly stranded in a sea of happily chatting away people...met rong and xx though..
surprised that xx said hi..
anyway..the two hours in the hall..just reminded me of As..with the numerous rows and the routine of placing your ic on the top right..
making the model was fun..though i had no idea if the 'rocket' thingy i made out of paper fit into the theme..but the theme was odd enough..
then came a picture of kettle..that look like it came right of ikea's catalogue...
describing its qualities in 5 key words left me scratching my head
yeah at least its over..and i didnt had to memorise anything beforehand
had a guys' night out again..with my usual buddies
fish n co..
guess i will definitely miss their company and our crappy conversations bout our school days when i am off
woo hoo..there's no second round of interview for archi..
phew..
looking forward to the flight tonite..but not exactly the outfield..but guess it would be a good experience..
i have been thinking alot now adays..and getting a little paranoid
ahhh.
this past week of sermon..reminded me of something so important..
being on hot pursuit of my dream..
daring to confess and knowing it will come to pass if its within God's will for me
that sure encouraged me tonnes..
ok got to go..and finish packing
meanwhile u guys and girls take care...:)
keep smiling..

emo period

sometimes all the things...people..and the way they behave..
keeps me wondering..are we all leaving under that veil..or cover
that we're so well trained to be flexible enough to take on different roles at different places...times..environment or people?
that sucks...why put up that pretense?
u may fool the whole world but u cant fool yourself..and God for sure..if u believe in Him
perhaps it takes one to be in a situation of restrictions and lack to appreciate the once considered 'little' that he or she has in his or her life...
hai
does it meant to say..all that i know of u was just pure acting?..or i was too oblivious to that..
friday was really good..
never ever felt so ministered in past years' event as compared to this year
think the party will never end....dance awhile longer and u'll know..

fresh into the next phrase of NS

well..things that i dread or love..comes and goes..so is my ns life..
in a flash...hot and rainy tekong days and i am heading straight to a whole new unknown
guess alot of my previous anxiety and worries aren't really needed..
mandai camp is sure interesting..and nice looking
better than the offshore island
ok my first week of recce just passed and i would really say that the commanders made all the difference..
no matter how tough training may be...if the upper level are supportive..u'll have the motivation to fight on..hwaiting!
know rest of my buddies have their share of exp
going taiwan soon...kinda looking forward to it..especially the last two days off!
woo hoo..
sad thing is that i wouldnt be enjoying much of camp facilities and food..
gosh..the food is good..
moving off to another camp for course..
haven seen my jc friends for another week..some others for a month
gotta go for pm now..know it'll be good!
and dinner out with the guys..
ok shall post one pic...
of me without hair..and with cap?..














night out..with jc pals

cheers!

when its time to let go..its never too late
cheers karmen!
there's always someone better..
3 cheers for karmen!hip hip hooray x3
teaching sounds pretty interesting for her..haha

tekong fever

chinese new year just came and go..and before i knew it..
i was already heading back to my tekong chalet..
haha
though this year's cny isnt as exciting compared to previous years..
without my mom's side relatives all gathering at my grandma hse
since it was sold ever since my grandpa passed away
kinda miss that warm and noisy cny day one
nevertheless
still busy indulge myself with lots of food!
cant really eat much..after getting a big swollen left finger
gross.first time i understood the pain of infection..
over the last two nites at camp
as usual..when lights out..my mp3 will light up
listened to all the joyce meyer's podcasts
learnt something so real
jesus died not for us to just survive day by day
as most people do
he died so we can ENJOY..yes enjoy..
our daily lives...constantly believing and having joy in whatever we do or face
i gotta pick that up..
miss the class pple..haven seen most of them for a month or so..
so if anyone who read this and u all are meeting up..please tell me..
ok maybe we'll just meet when As are out..
haha
yeah..service tml =)
pray that this horrible cough and slight fever be gone

happy lunar new year

dear blog i m back after like almost one month plus?
so i guess to wipe the dust away and get things in order...
haha
anyway....time seriously flew by even though i wasnt exactly having fun
life on tekong can just be a tad too mundane and make u feel so screwed up
but nevertheless, i can say that i m getting used to it and slowly enjoying it?..
hmm...boy gotta become man someday
anyway just used up some of my pay to get a zen v plus
woah..its seriously small..














pretty good for the price that i paid
the videos are sharp for such a puny screen
haha..i will remain a creative fan i guess
yup..
gotta go zzz
enjoy the holis people..
hopefully i get to take some pics of my bald head tml..

UOB Plaza

its the third drawing
haha..
ok its bad coz i m sleepy and the uob building seems to be leaning sideways..
anyway..its oub plaza in the background

the first day of 2007

in a flash..i made it through 2006...
and i step straight into the first day of 2007
with rather mixed feelings..both glad his grace and strength supported me through
yet bigger challenges await..
most important thing is i m looking forward..and dashing all the way till the end..
breakaway from all the past..














pretty fireworks at marina bay..we could only see those that flew up to greater heights..
haha..we all went slightly mad..
and totally sticked shoulders to shoulders in citilink mall...never knew it could be this packed


































me, becca and huiling =)


























my countdown buddies






















































becca's photo perfect shoot















a slight flashback for christmas














we crazy people..walking while it drizzled quite heavily, hid under a pullover..tried snapping pictures..oh well.we're mad haha














my dear cousin..at service..
okie...happy new year pple!