how real are you to yourself.

amidst all the celebrations and fun, I was just subtly reminded what was it all about.

put away the formalities, love in the manner you ought to.

fulfilled my long lost secret wish - to head to punggol for a super random photoshoot, without any assignment or purpose at the back of my mind. just there plainly for the experience.

that might sound kinda insignificant, but it is really such time away from city life that bear all the more importance (at least to me).

and dun forget the famous nasi lemak (which lived up to it's name) that completes the day perfectly!

the initial tug. the big push.
and now the tugging.

back and forth.
set your mind right and not sway.


Christmas is quickening its pace.
the end of yet another year is drawing closer.

the shocking fact of the week:
China bans Twitter!, Youtube?!?!, Facebook!??!?!!? and even yousendit.

the disillusions of life:

when u thought u knew someone, but actually that person is a double headed snake.
speaking something to one, appearing so innocent to another.
can't we just be true to ourselves at least?
it gets tiresome to be constantly cautious of what i hear, putting the words through an invisible filter.

it's easier to speak based on hearsay than to truly understand someone on a personal basis.
for a moment, i thought i don't know you at all.

on a side note:

heard today that renewal of the mind is not to just put upon the old self all the new values, but rather it is to go deeper into the basic foundation and starting afresh with that new revelation.
how true that we just tend to apply that principle only on the surface, and attempt to only decrease or increase a certain element in our lives, instead of completely removing and starting anew.

congratulations (to myself)

i've survived first semester and came out in one piece.
the continuous late nights and the two meals (plus supper) per day per week routine all seemed worthwhile when i looked back.
i've learnt to be more aware about my surroundings, to be more critical about all the details that i'm presented with.
to dare to take the risk and to try despite falling and failing.
to understand that getting up thereafter is that which bears all the significance.

it is amazing how i used to perceive the world to function in a certain manner, when i realized the reality is very much far from that.

point is -
THE HOLIDAYS HAVE ARRIVED.

first stop: Bintan





a very much needed escape from city life.
the huge tranquil beach and the sound of the waves are just so soothing :)

all ready to catch up on all that i've been missing out during semester!

unknowingly examinations have taken over the social control of our lives.
all people acknowledge or care about is how did you fare.

how many marks did you get ah?"

then we attempt to veil this superficiality by emphasizing on 'holistic education'
we're indeed a paper-chase society.

one more down. final one to go!
just five more days :)

TRUSSES, COLUMNS, TENSION, COMPRESSION, MOMENTS, RESISTANCE, STRESS, STRAIN

that sums up all that i've been facing for the past week. and it's getting so very dry.
felt as if i didnt take up this module at all from the start, and now i realized i had to sit for the exam one week later.

kinda frustrating indeed, but just learning to just give it all that i've got and pray that i can bid goodbye to it forever.

(not mentioning the incoherent and rather non-informative manner of the presentation of the lecture notes)

haha i am surprised that i can just sit down for the whole day to just do revision.

just two more weeks!

'if we endure with him, we shall also reign with him'

keep on keeping on :)

there's so much going on. somehow i've become a little lost in all that.

and we're suppose to work like robots, like press a few buttons and set a few preset programmes.
and zoom, off we go working till like forever.

i realized that i've become very incoherent in speech.
slow progress speed is no longer pardonable.

need a sunny day and some spare hours and a very motivated heart - so i can get out of bed early and head for a swim.
though exams are looming in less than 2 weeks, it is definitely strange that i don't feel that panicky. (not a very good sign)
haha
till portfolio is done by friday, which will entails endless struggles with indesign.
i am sure it can designed to be more user-friendly.

Reminder to self: to stop procrastinating and start working like NOW.

sudden attraction to alternative rock music.

some of the photos taken during the photography workshop which ended last week.
was interesting just to perceive how light and darkness intertwine to form varying images, and how reminiscent it was to just make a trip back to old airport road - my childhood grounds.

life has been pushing ahead at full speed, while i'm starting to struggle to keep up with it.
not that it has been without a purpose, but the body is beginning to protest from frequent late nights and fast food thrice a week.

grossed out at the sight of macs.

this whole week is indeed the most demanding since school has started.
work has been a touch and go affair, for if i were to dwell on it a little longer. the rest will start to snowball.

i am living this exciting 'no-life' life.
haha.

and with that transcab taxi uncle that didnt bother to return my precious axo drawing!
i am left pretty helpless.
pray that critique will still go on smoothly.

it is at such breaking point, where I am reminded of the real friends and family that are sticking it out with you.
many times, we tend to be so caught up with 'life' that we forgotten to cherish the simplest of things.
it's time to go back to the basics!
and to forget what was behind.

alright. history essay's due on fri. time to start cracking.


revelation of the week:
jesus said to them "have faith in God"

symmetry: the circle and the square
no idea how i can use this idea to translate into something that can hold up a brick (using only string and satay sticks)
felt like an engineer for a moment.
or perhaps architects meant to have some 'engineer flair' as well.

a time of refreshment.
and a gentle reminder on how important it is to dwell in His presence
to not get caught up with the care and concerns of life.

back at the home front, life is getting much more hectic.
greater expectation of others, higher demand of self.
it is definitely something worth the challenge.

how crucial the word 'focus' can be.

hair's getting longer by the day, time for a good decent cut.
perhaps back to the more manageable short hair.
haha.

[realized that i've used arial all along, if u've noticed my older posts. shall revert back to that]

the places that i've visited, while doing the 30 sketches that kept me occupied the past weekend.










i was the weird person standing and sketching whenever there's something interesting.

in and out of sleep.

have you ever woke up in bed, after falling asleep when u intended to just take a nap..

that pretty much sums up my nights for the past week.
it's a miracle i still managed to churn out the work due the next day (quality being a separate issue)

friday is here again and it's time to catch up on so many things.
with a new tutor, everything is taking a positive change and many previously concealed directions now illuminated.
i seemed to be able to comprehend work much better now (perhaps it's just that i finally grasped the concept)

sidetrack: group work always brings out human character in it's most pure form.
it's frustrating when someone is just so stubborn to snap out of their own old mindset and to adopt the relevant concept and to just move on with it.
it is really that difficult?


friday, saturday, sunday
swim, model, draw, buffet, and sleep.

welcome the brand new weekend :)

the simple time out.
the sincere conversations.

the simple things that touch your heart.
there's no need to live a complicated live.
or to appear sophisticated.

the work seems never ending, always coming.
and appearing.
but it's so impt to take time off (or to just skive)
to let the exhausted mind rest a little, and to start off on a new page.

more sleepless nites, i can foresee.
but am reminded how i can and should pray and to really seek after Him.
He's the giver of strength, and we're made more than conquerors!

good nite :)

gotten a little weary of sketching.
so started blog surfing and reading all the entries..

when it came to the old cell group's entries (esp merrien's post on all the old photos from ancient times)
they still make me laugh and reminded me of how much we've all grown and changed (for better hopefully)
haha

and that all the problems that seemed daunting to us in the past are somehow so minute now to us.
growing up equates to overcoming bigger problems?
that's pretty true.

every day will present it challenges, and at the same time it's offering a chance for you to overcome and grow.

imagine yourself ten years down the road?
definitely more beautiful than you're now.

the weekend has arrived!
and it's totally filled with work (x30 sketches, etc)

the morning sketch at republic poly today was somewhat interesting.
it helped to break away from the daily routine of home-school-home.

and yes the school building is really intriguing, especially with the use of water and glass.
and the simple but yet unique cultural centre, which sheltered us from the sudden mad thunderstorm.what's going on.
i know that there's something changing.

not everything that happened was done on purpose.
to let go of the control and keep you eyes looking straight.
the struggle within and the turmoil unseen.

it's funny how tough it can be, and how much someone can greatly stir up your emotions.
irrational coupled with the uncertainty.
the distance and the separation.

to reunite back to the square one.
the strangers and friends.
how i wish i never knew you.

foolishness indeed. what have i done.
actions guided by the heart.

i've been trying too hard, to reach an unknown destination.
taken for granted many, neglected the rest.
and how i pray.
to return to the unchanging love.
to seek that peace within.

"i close my eyes, lift my hands to worship you.
you're the love of my life.
nothing else matters"

the recess and studio free weeks just came and left.
so quickly, that it barely felt that it was sufficient.

nonetheless, i am still grateful for the freedom in time.
to choose what i should do first, and to take time off and to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

nothing will change just by me sitting down here talking about it and wanting so much to make a change. if i dun for once, take a step out.
(i must step out n forward to all that awaits)

certain things in life can't be forced upon.
and it is sad but yet necessary for one to learn by experience.
if you dont know how it hurts, it might not be obvious to you that you're actually doing all to yourself. (not that it applies to every single situation)

this phase seems like a renewal : a new content page and introduction to a brand new story.
to cherish and to embrace.

happy children's day, though i am already two hours late!
esp to my tuition kids, even though u would never read this (and i pray that you don't)
thanks for bringing me that joy and satisfaction (most of the time)
haha
look forward to seeing you all again on saturday!

haha

my very first portfolio!
now that i've reached this point in time.
i am just truly grateful to be able to wrestle through it all and be able to submit this.

haha.

the deprivation of sleep can make someone very truthful and sensitive to his/her environment.

am reminded that when you're in a position holding a responsibility, the people around tend to neglect your efforts and just deemed it as something within your scope of work.

not that the person should shuck off all that he/she should be doing, but just that the people in the team can be so blatant to just dump all that personal work to the rep and let the rep settle it himself.
(not speaking from my own experience)

something has indeed broken, and we seemed to be a little thrown off the track.
not that we are unable to comprehend, but rather we haven't even started to understand.
it seem like an excruciating task to look beyond what's on the surface.
time to be decisive and to look at the fuller picture instead.
to be true to yourself.

does nonchalance always equate to being ignorant?
or is it just one party giving while the other party's taking without realizing.

it just doesnt feel right when you're one that's always listening while the other shares.
might seem a little foolish at times.

i cant sort it out somehow and i've been going in circles.
perhaps it's time to lower its importance and snap out of it.

RECESS WEEK!!
very timely.
thank God for his grace for the past 6 weeks.
it really carried me through every single day and night.

time to catch up on my sleep!

had internal critique as the last lesson of the day.

that made me ponder about how sometimes being just vague is the method of instruction and passing down of skill and techniques.
(though being constantly vague will definitely leave the people around u deluded)

perhaps we've all been set in a 'spoonfed' environment where every single thing that we do is bounded by certain 'test & proven' methods.

to the extent that taking a risk to try seem somewhat redundant or even pointless.

is that really the way to go for seek education?
is it really wholesome?

i guess some really can't be bothered about the quality as long as we're able to eventually attain that degree or certification.(and find a stable job)

ironic it might seem.


alright random reflection aside.

i am so tired of being distracted, esp when i have a deadline to meet.

the last project for this first half sem of my aki journey is going to be due on thursday.
and my mind is still wandering all over, except on the project.

i am definitely looking for a time of rest in recess week!




the pictures that i have been using as sources of inspiration.
sleepy mind is not functioning normally already.
(i really love the mac ability to copy just a certain section of the web page, photo, words, e.t.c.)
cool!

:)

the deep frustration

there's something left unspoken and unrealized.

is it something that i shouldnt be feeling? i wont reckon so.

disconnectedness.

how long can this actually last?

breakthrough in my thinking.

for the first time:

i've headed back to school at eleven in the night.
staying up all the way till six in the morning before i totally KO.

survived one full day of lectures n tutorials plus more lantern making time.

all i can say thank God for his supernatural strength and wonderful group mates.

okay my 'almost dead' body is beckoning me to head straight to my comfy bed.

life can be so interesting.

summary of the past two days: deprived of sleep, coffee, macdonalds, more coffee, mild insanity, and haha coffee again.
alright before i suffer from caffeine poisoning.

after the first presentation for history tutorial, the tutor's comments really got me interested to find out more information about the thought process of Le Corbusier and the fellow architects.It is pretty captivating in a sense.


sometimes, we tend to neglect the importance of communication.
to trust and to share.
is viable for a just one side initiative only?
it might get a tad too exhausting and before long the relationship might just falter away.

a brand new week awaits!
was just counting the number of weeks that have passed since the start of school.
and it has already been 4 weeks!
haha
thank God for the rest over the weekend, since the assignment is somewhat less demanding. and making lantern is definitely more meaning and somewhat motivating compared to just abstract art.

oh well, i am still too literal.

the takeaway for the weekend - to persevere on despite of all that might go on.


i need His grace and mercy to help me step out each new step.


random: found this picture on flickr while brainstorming for ideas.

another late night (or early morning staying up) to be precise.
felt rather inefficient with my pace of work.
tend to be so easily distracted with surfing the net (even it meant to read google news repeatedly)

haha life has changed so dramatically for me.
no doubt it's extremely draining, but yet somewhat interesting and evoke a deeper satisfaction within.
still adjusting to being forced to stay home on weekends and to be more freed up during the weekdays.
having to turn down appointments, or to rush work like now so i can make time to go out on sun.

it's definitely still the transition phrase, so i sincerely hope people around pardon me.

after 3 weeks of school, i am left to ponder and question about so many issues.
i kept asking myself, is this the limit?
can i still go further and think deeper?
so many times, we all tend to just look at things at the surface and attempt to rationalize them.
neglecting the fact that it holds more purpose or meaning when we actually take a little more time to look into it and to pay more attention to it.

sidetrack: after spending so much time in school and all, makes me feel a little detached from the outside world. (a sacrifice perhaps?)
but i do remind myself constantly it's the balance that matters.
and to set priorities into all that i am doing.

haha cant help it but design school has urged me to organise my life and to set my "literal" mind into thinking "abstract"

alrights, it's time to catch up on my sleep.



the end of human strength, is the beginning of God's grace and power
i cant comprehend all the actions, but God is the focus.

it's the start of the third week of this new lease of life.

it has definitely opened my eyes to the world of art. and how design is really so much more abstract and intriguing, as i suppose it to be.

it has surely not been smooth sailing, but i am really giving it my best shot.
though at times, it might seem as though not all will stand on your side to encourage u on.
i am thankful for the true friends.

in our education system, we're often so trained to just analyse ideas and things on the surface and that's it.
but now i am introduced to the idea to question and challenge the facts, to set new boundaries and to expound on your own concept.
it is impressive and interesting to learn without being spoon-fed with the facts and formulas.
to discover everything for yourself.

i need to renew my mindset, and learn to see beyond the literal.
to truly fit into the shoes of a designer.

i feel like some fine art student for a moment.

sidetrack: i m really in awe of the ADM building in NTU, though i've worked there for the good half of the year. i've never entered it's premises, and all i can say sde definitely need a revamp. our shabby, non conducive environment.


i am reminded of my own limits and to trust in his infinite wisdom.

there are sometimes that i would wish to find out, but yet i am afraid to uncover the truth.
uncertainty might seem like the next best option.

till i gain that courage. and that affirmation within.

here i am at 3.52am in the morning.

at the second quadrant of my mega a1 size paper drawing.

and hooray, i am drawing straight lines.(not trying to be sarcastic here)

oh well, my mind's 80% percent shut down and i cant even manage to draw for more than 30minutes.

i wanna head straight to bed, but somehow i know that will be my greatest regret when i wake up tml morning.(oops i meant this morning)

alright, i know i shouldnt be online.

perhaps if i can be drawing something like this in a year's time?

haha

the official start of school in just less than 11 hours!

it has really been a long journey, all the way from the decision making on which course to select.
till spending free time in the army bunk pondering about it, using tomorrow as a motivation to push on through the toughest and darkest day in ns.

nonetheless, i am still excited. and yet a little anxious at the same time.

perhaps knowing that u're stepping into a brand new environment, a place where it doesnt matter how much you've studied. because effort doesnt necessary equate to grades in architecture.

late nights coupled with tight deadlines.

perhaps u might feel i am being too paranoid, but i dun reckon so.
maybe it's just my way of mental preparation.

short-term goal 1= to improve greatly in my drawing skills, to make a cube look like a cube.

short-term goal 2= to be super duper creative. constantly having interesting ideas.

alright. a very good first day awaits everyone in school!

it has been almost two weeks since i've last set foot upon my blog.
so now it's time to revive it.

i had a splendid time away in KL and of course lots of pictures to testify.
taking some time off from singapore can really help to relax your mind and slow down the fast pace of life.

that seriously helped me to sort out my thoughts better.
after going for all of the orientation games and making more friends (or u can deemed that as socializing)

it's just quite unfortunate that i suddenly came down with fever and flu.
and that just kept me at home for the past two days.
gonna pray that it will go away asap!

alright i'm turning in.

WOAH. i am officially twenty-one now.

and i am truly thankful and blessed to be able to spend my day with all my loved ones.

despite the unfriendly drizzle that came along and the chalet being jam-packed (not including the porches of the units next door and even opposite being utilized)

sorry if i wasnt a good host!

thank you so much for coming and i cant express in words how much it all meant to me!

alright, this entry will definitely be incompletely without pictures.
so let the pictures do the talking.
hahaha (will just post some classic shots)











click on the collage for a clearer view!
just in case you're wondering what delicacy it was before the final collage (it's mixed choc cake with satay sauce n curry)
to think i actually innocently tried it.
pretty dumb. haha

and of course i was so excited about the gifts (like a kid)
Thank you one and all!! :)
and not forgetting the HONGBAOs too. hahaha



the biggest shock of the day - Five dollars HURS vouchers! haha
maybe i can get a dress or handbag, not for myself.


now that the party's over and life has gone on, with the adulthood in reality.
it's time to recharge myself over this two weeks, and to get all geared up for school and that awaits ahead! :)

time to get back to the basics, to pray read and to seek His directions (and stop depending solely on my own strength n abilities).


last but least: a super BIG thanks to my ever so hardworking parents for putting in so much effort for the party, cant do without u both. and i wont be here where i am.

a sweet memory itched in my mind forever.

:)

shall post the pic up FB some other day, tired!