when the music fades

love's beautiful...so beautiful..thats how the song goes..but many times how tough is it to believe in that?
dun actually wanna type this entry.....but if i don't i might never be able
how do someone that bring u joy...also bring u trouble..pain at the very next moment
well thats what i have now
perharps it is was just that i have been running in rounds and rounds..
just like on the track..temporarily distracted by the sights and feel of joy..friendships...
but now i realized i am back to the starting point
that i haven moved a single bit off that round track
was it my fault?..or my choice?
WHY?
is it that my friends are so insecure....
they think i think too much
they say i am too sensitive..
but is it too much to ask of them just to be my friend..and be there for each other at anytime...anywhere..no matter wat situation we're facing..or what mood we are in
all the silent whispers fill my mind..it gets me down..
hmm..
parents are constantly not on good terms..i became the target for stress release..they nagged..over the smallest issue..they lecture over every single small bit
i nearly thought i would become mentally unsound after all this
but thank God for being there
"through the darkest hour..the deepest valley..i cried for help..
with a warm embrace..and a word of comfort...he broke through the dark and picked me up"

i am older!!

well..time flies and i think i have isolated my blog successfully for about a month?...
hahas..just short of forgetting that i still keep a blog..
well..hahas..
anyway..its already past july 18th..and i got alot to say
still remember on sat...i went for jc pm at a cgl's house
truthfully, was a little reluctant and pretty no mood to go
but was reminded that God will touch pple at times when they dun feel like praising, praying or worship
never regret..and can still rmb how He encouraged me to go on with new strength
"i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" =P
went marina square unknowingly with joseph
thanks buddies plus jem and john for the wallet..
really hope we'll have time to be out together again

sun was church...hahas...know i can just go on bout how good healing service was
jl came too..hey..hope u're getting used to everything..including the "rock" praise?
hahas...after that was meetup with the usual pos pals..

hooray..okies..they're really v nice to have sorta organised a day out..
okie...time for the more not so glam fact
we took almost 2 hours to settle on the place to eat....meanwhile we walked heeren...several rounds
and cine many rounds aimlessly..
went suki got the glasses of water...realized buffet hrs over
gosh..went galilee..decided..its kinda ex
so thank God..finally we went that hk restaurant "coffee-shop"
style..i LIKE!! =P ok pardon the oldness inside me
i can never say how much thanks to u girls and guys for brightening up my life during pos..and now my everyday...=)

WIFEBANDS =)











back to school....knowing the my clique is up to no good..
i come mentally prepared =)
hahas...actually it isnt anything scary..they love me too much
emm..okie..just kidding
thanks for nescafe...ok..really shocking..lots of tidbits..junk =)
starting to promote junk food diet..plus that brown shirt
i need a jacket..comfirmed =)

the little red box..need no elaboration = PERV

take a look at pamela..haha
















marche...i laughed my hardest..till i almost hugged the lampost oops =)










































my 18th bdae presents =)=)=) thanks to all of u
















THE END

[ at the end, i have learnt so much for the past year...learn to love..to choose..to cry..to pray
to stand up when i feel like slipping]
"we all gotta live in self confidence....if we ourselves is not even secured bout the people we have in our lives...what more will the friends feel themselves"
yup...hey..exams comin!
ok random

after some time

hey..i m back..well..guess my blog missed me
so hahas..
ok must tell myself enough
the holidays are over now..and its back to school..
looking back..i think the holis were really fulfilling...
with emerge, outreaches..chalet =P
and many others..
i have forgotten bout work..maybe just for awhile..
really thank God for lettin me go through all the ups and downs...although many times i would be pretty annoyed and feeling empty inside..
haiz..but he works in ways i can never comprehend..
he have indeed held me through it all
"many are called but few are chosen"
thats something that pst said todae..that still ring in my mind
wow..thats so right..like we are called but who's really up to it to stand up for the challenge?
todae's service was just simply powerful..though many missed it
and the overall mood was not good..pple missing here and there
served for communion and nearly dropped the trays coz i was left to hold for one sub arena
hahas..
miss fellowshipping with the usher friends
issac served first time todae!!
ermm herm.."mr..can find the newest bibles?" haha
continue to jiayou k..i'll wake up earlier next time..
happy birthday jialing
know i didnt do much but just wanna u to have a most blessed year ahead k..
yup..=)
ok that was random..
its really time to pack up all the fun and excitement and start settling down to study
hahas...ya..like 5 more weeks?..ok..
before i forget..karmen..i already checked the weather forecast..clear sunny days ahead..so dun need to bring the umbrella out k?..cheers and u can do it de
ok..oh ya..heard brazil and england lost..thats real tragic and super unexpected..
now left with the less famous teams and prob most pple wont thinking they would see during finals..
hahas..random again
yup..

"all things can be consumed, but not all are beneficial"
so are friends..

need somebody

the past week been really tiring and yet fulfilling
the amount of work is continually piling and i dun really see much time to actually sit down and start getting down on it
God help me!!!!
OkIEs...i need to tell myself to focus the last week
todae just bought something..again..
alot of thoughts running through my mind
listening to sun's album right now
the mood suits in seamlessly
its time to make a change in my everyday..
not going to go by just living at the lowest
or just aimlessly

decisions

how we look at ourselves......our lives are moulded...pushed in left and right centre
sometimes that person who u thought cares for u...seem to fade away in a shift...
something missing.....

pulau ubin here i come

cycle..thats all i wanted...and meet up with the cg members and friends..
hahas
ended up waking late..been having very crazy days since monday..hahas
guess its rare to be alone..so just enjoying it till friday
cycling at ubin can only be summed up as=' UNIQUE AND THRILLING'
all the fast sped round the bends...gears falling over...crawling upslope..that really tires me out
my most loved part-downslope..
just let go and relax..
hahas...how simple right?
pretty worn out now..gotta get some rest..sleep
pray for a deeper breakthrough
finding back that purpose

now is the time for us to shine

there goes the final and the start of jc cluster on the big expo hall 8 stage just like 5 hours ago
"now is the time for us to shine"
hahas...and off we go...one two down up..down toss 7.....8....oooooh hoooo
hahas..
todae is a once in a lifetime experience
after like 3 full months of training..we finally reached the first destination for POS
in case u're wondering whats that....pple who are close should noe bout cheerlead
just reflecting about how i actually ended up joining..when my mind was not really made up..or should i say i had a hard time learning to trust
hahas..but God works in numerous special ways..
he placed me here for a purpose..
in just roughly 2minutes and 23 seconds...we completed everything
PRAISE GOD...most of the stunts and dance went up..everybody put in their 120% percent
hahas...we found that supernatural strength
just gonna post up some pics and head straight for bed...
its just day one of emerge..EXPECT greater move of God in the days to come..
pictures below are meant just for really good memories..so pple involved pls pardon me
hahas =P

emergiee

hahas...well time flies..and looking back for the past months..
i can only say "thank you God for being faithful"
i have really grown alot through this period...like learning to manage lots of tasks and commitments
getting used to talking to different groups of people in a day
go through some dry and lonely patches without friends here n there
hahas..just came home..and wanted to try to practice more for dance..
okies..look kinda funny
glad my mom didnt laugh..hahahas
met jeanie for lunch at long john...yeah..
haven like meet up like this for a long long time..hahas
its like two more days to emerge..and truthfully i cant contain the excitement within
pos really gets more totally "cant stop the beat"
all i can say is that after each training..though i m worn out..
i still feel fuller in my heart..like as i just had a faith enlargement..=)
anyway..take care krystal tang..if u're gonna read this...rest well..pray and we're gonna make things happen on 1st june
looking forward the holis..i can see that its really packed..emerge.zoo..chalet..lessons..and all that
woo hoo..but makes me anticipate even more
time to pray up..read up his Word...and get stronger

hahas...at many times..its inevitably to feel kinda not understood..no matter what i do and think or say..friends...
perharps...its really normal for pple to come...close..and then draw away..its not within my control i guess
though its really terrible or should i say gross to feel so clearly avoided..i have yet to know what's exactly wrong..
missed out todae's clique outing..but guess the clique still had fun
for karmen:
remember no matter your friends are always here for u...
though at many times the way we care is being expressed
we all love you...
all humans are not perfect..we do commit that mistakes
but whats more important is to pick yourself up...renew your mind..
and wow..u're coming on stronger than before..never looking back..
whats done now is better than being hidden for later which will hurt even more
and i pray that your friendship..will be pure..and true friends' love
yup nitez
sorrie for making you wait..

tml's last preview..meeting donovon in the morn...buy WHITE shoes..ahhas
see ya pple

when i seem to say "i cant go on"

the name was spoken..the consequences were clear..
i didnt expect it
i left
cold the nite suddenly seem..extreme sadness gripped me..
i respect the decision but i m human..
looking backing..i would definitely feel that hurt rising from deep within
my mp3 silently accompanied me..even as waves fof disappointment coz of this and wondering "if i did so badly" hits me
no will to move on..
but i have to..can i?..
the four walls seem to be moving on...yes i know enlarge..but i have lost all forms of strength to do that now..
8 hours have passed and the feeling ever so strong..
its just something i m passionate about
let a miracle come before its all too late

a deeper sense of longing...

my past week just flew by with all the pos trainings...and though i am really challenged physically..coz i m so darn tired now...but yet...i have found something that i can bring on in my life
that is why in the first place there is a God..and why i chose him and trust Him..i m enlarging my capacity
many times i m so drained from sch and all that by the time i reach the place for training..i m half dead..not in the mood to interact or to perfect my moves...hahas..but i really messed up some of them
i realized i lack something in my life
received a call the other day...that didnt exactly make the nite a good one
sometimes i do wonder what others are expecting..maybe its just because they're not me..so they won't understand what i have to go through.."no matter how hard they say they do"
made me reflect my past few years in ministry what have i done..have i progressed?..
life's gettin complicated with so many commitments..but i m no longer the one that just bow down to difficulties and trials..been through lots
fri's service and pst phil msg explained all these
i need to pray alot more...
my quiet time has been diminishing...and my mood been like going from normal..to slightly lower and now a little cranky
yucks..ewww i dun like this feeling
ok no more procrastination gonna start the prayer life going..thank God for keeping me most of the time awake during service..i was silently saying to God i m too tired..please just take me to heaven..but obviously its not the time yet..
issac please jiayou too?...we're not running this race alone..we got all the brothers n sisters under his family no matter how not close we might seem...
our hearts are for each other..
my life's been segregating into smaller bits and pieces..

Ecclesiastes 3:1 "To everything there is a season. A time for every purpose under heaven"
thank you for this promise that never changes that u're always under control whatsoever the circumstances

todae's sat which means its time to stay home to catch up on work..miss my friends in school..but will just see them on mon..the long lost family time is also todae..hahas..wierd but i miss my mom n dad..together with my bros..
i m stepping out and breaking through..

i am just down
u left me with a note without a sound
u nver know u know how much i have been around
how my heart just frowns when u're down
i'll be your teddy bear
i'll be your clown
i'll take you round and around
if u dont mind i can be your standing ground
even if that means i drown

once again

and once again i look upon the cr0ss where u died...i am humbled by your mercy as i am broken inside...0nce again i thank you..once again i pour out my life

once again...i have back to stage where i am friends with many..but yet...sometimes its just doesnt feel that close after all..but yet..i know God has placed some friends that at the end of the day..their love for u will never change...they're here for u at the end
oh well..econs essay tml...not too appealing
nitez

the picking up myself process

looking back at how long since i actually blogged...its nearly two weeks..
been wanting to get down to it..but never had the chance to...since time no longer permit
let me think how can i sum up what i had been feeling for the past few weeks
HELPLESS?
probably thats the best i can come up with
even as i started to feel the pressure of POS building up..with the trainings ending late at somewhere far..and when i reach home..it will probably be impossible to even sit down and do work for 5 minutes
that sorta left me really frustrated even as i woke up in shock as the alarm rang..and i still haven done my work..
how should i say..its a viscious cycle
nevertheless..i dun regret putting myself into it..i guess some might feels an OVERcommitment..
but i say its an OVERcoming of time..to put my faith at work...
really grew to trust God to provide for my everyday needs
phew...POS is really a once in a lifetime thing...maybe its the last time i understand how people cheerlead..
two weeks...every single day never fails to drain my energy away..bit by bit
without God's purpose..and without seeking after his face
i almost wanted to say ITS ENOUGH
i can't take it any longer
but God always work in ways we cant imagine...with the incident on friday..clementi
hahas..another really "once in a lifetime is enough" experience...i know all i have is God
might seem a little exaggerated but thats how i felt
issac u and i would be fine!
take care
went JP with claire todae..hahas..and she really was nice to just follow me around as i randomly went into shops to look at my stuff..=)
too bad i was never meant to have that slippers...haiz shall just wait

"many people change...many situations fail us and devastate us..
but as long as our determintation and our belief never change, what can stop us from moving on?"
so u people out there who feel like on the verge of giving up...u BETTER NOT!
after each at the verge experience..we start afresh on a new peak
joseph..thats for u...remember that we are all still running this marathon..

CROSS MY HEART

Cross My Heart
we got it all and we would be fools to let it go
coz i need you more and more
coz you're my life and i live for your love that u give
and although my journey's long, i soon be home...

oohhh..its gonna be so hard on my own
but i wont be alone

cross my heart and tell no lies
no one's leaving you behind
just because we say goodbye
cross my heart i do believe
in my heart and in my dreams i would be taking you with me

sometimes i think i can feel u breathing on me
you're there so deep inside
and i like what i feel
though its not what i feel
it helps me carry on till i come home

this song kept me company...
God please let the people see that everyone of us are pouring out our lives to the cell group..so please God..open their hearts

well...at least the depressing and rather frustrating week is coming to an end....guess this was the week i really start to reflect and ask myself whether i have been doing the right things.

friendship is how fragile...especially when u thought that that it was meant to be..it is not about me being pessimistic...but its just the truth being presented right in my face...

drained..confused..and really really helpless....who are the people in my life that is willing to be there for me..some i know they are always there...my cell group..secondary school buddies...who else?

sometimes secretly i hope God can just take me to heaven...but obviously he won't because my time is not up...i already had enough

ulcers just aggravate the pain i had to go through...life seems to stop for a moment

but now that things start to settle down..and everything start to fall into place...my heart can't seem to change..why?..i wonder..

friends that are secure...true...its an invisible and unspoken bond between each other that cant be spoken...what have i gotten after i have put in all my best and treat my friends like my best...
i know its over already and now that i have raked up the past i am sorry
i need to say it out and i promise i would get over after letting it out..

the absence of friendship, happiness and companion...just see my world crashing down..maybe i didnt see that crack within the pretty glassbottle..maybe i was blind..maybe

enough of my maybeS...things arent too peaceful not only in school..i feel the pressure mounting...
need to rush my work before there's pos on mon nite...and all the test and hw due for tues would leave me nuts..

"you will never leave nor forsake me" when i can't see God's hand..when there is
a mist obstructing my path..that is the time i got to trust God's heart

"God is in charge and I am not"
so no matter what happens next...i shall trust..
friend...i am always and will always be here..
let's make this friendship last

the end and the beginning

how long have i actually not blogged?...i think i was at the edge of forgetting about my blog
anyway....exams are OVER for now..hahas...i am probably the last to exclaim that...but for the first time that i took only 3 papers...i feel much more relieved..thank God for showing urself faithful=)
hahas...straight after the last math paper which i found better than promos...i went straight for my bag hunt
think i used it to motivate to study too much..that i felt a little despair after searching and ramaging most part of orchard and bugis..
karmen...i really wasnt that upset..guess i m just impulsive...
friday i was at it again..went to queensway again...but ended up with the gals benefitting from the whole trip..u all are the best man..haha
saturday was a really unusual yet special day...went out with the cg and huiling...
wanted to go canoe with the rest but hl was rather terrified..oops...ya...so got no choice but to go cycling with her
after stealing her bike and nearly running over some dogs and all.....we left east coast to head for church in a rush
that was the climax i guess...
although my stomach was making noises and felt so exhausted....God's presence overcame all of that...worship that day was just so anointed..and filled with so much of God's grace and power...God reminded me that no matter wat...in my goodie and baddie days...watever circumstances..i still need him badly
many times...most people dun understand..this especially hurts if ur close friend does it...
like they question u...they make comments about u...that u thought they truly understood...in case u're wondering..i arent speaking for myself..
thats the difference in the level of our love for God..i guess....that can be such a big bother at times
we all need to learn that we're living for this cause and that God called us to "lay down our lives" for him...this isnt just about the talk..its isnt just about showing up at services...its about telling urself..no matter if it rains or shine..i'll pick myself up to go to church to worship...thats commitment
i know i m not perfect...but i just felt God saying this clearly

as for life and whatever it brings...i get distracted rather easily...i tend to stray into the wrong paths....fall for the wrong things...but i pray that i would not stay in this situation permanently...i'll CROSS that line...

hoildays has started...without much allowance to slack and rest...
just thinking of how much i had revised....really bothers me
yesterday made me realized how important it is to treasure life and not be trashy
many times...we are the one that make the decision...and when the consequence...we found it hard to believe...come on...u made the first step..u should have thgt of the next
went out to KAP to study with karmen, claire and brandon...hahas
most of the time our minds were drifting away....to food..to random stuff...
but it was great time..met joseph and kailin...and his friend..

need to tell myself its holidays...and i can have even more time for God...and his Word....must put in the effort to stay close to Him and to hear Him speak...and not miss the time now
sometimes...u might not get to see someone's true colour...till the most extreme situation confronts..disappointment

but really leds me to understand who are the true friends that i have in my life...
thank you God...that no matter how messed up..things around me might have gone...you are my tower of refuge and strength...you will never leave or forsake me..=)

one more day to start working...jiayou guys!

from the last time i updated up to now...the things around me have evolved so much..and glad to say all of them are positive
"friendship is not just strong because the friends have similar interests and characteristics, it is not about how long the phone call is...or how frequent we actually msg each other....
it is the sharing of the happy, sad, sour...bitter events of life together.."
"through the trials and moment of uncertainty...there lies ahead a opening out of the darkness to something even greater...a friendship that is made to last a lifetime"
thank you God turning wat is meant for evil for the good of ur children

oh ya..before i forget...here's a short bible verse from the previous prayer meeting that the pastor mentioned that turn my view 180 degrees
hebrews 12:1-2
"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares u, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking onto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God"

if u are just wondering wat these two verses were talking about, we are running the race for Christ and many times we get so tired and weighed down by the things that goes on in our lives and the sins which we commit and threaten to overthrow all controls in our lives...that is the time we got to hang on!
the cloud of witnesses are the people of faith from the Bible like Abraham, Isaac, Joseph which had already completed their race..this race is not a marathon..but one of a relay like the 4x100m which we all do during sports meet...
means the baton is being passed from the people to us...
if we were to give up during the race, which actually means dropping the baton..
all the other 4 runners would be disqualified
i am sure this is something enough to think about and keep me going
=)

shedding some light

school todae seem really very different from the ordinary...
much nicer i guess
but indeed i have come to my senses not to trust in many things or people that i see
yeah..i did felt like why would events all twist to show the fact that it is tough to read a person's mind or to even ascertain that the person is my good and true friend
some points that i learnt in last sun's sermon that can never be more real to me than now
1) Friends create faith, not fear. They just brightens up your life
2) Friends strengthen my walk with God
3) Friends celebrate my victory and we'll rejoice together with each other during someone's victory
4) Friends equip me with my future

couldn't really relate all these points till this day
it all seem so real
i know i am partially at fault for not asking earlier to clear up all the doubts
or even inducing u to feel that its true
so that we can just share our lives openly
if you really feel that i am jealous about your relations
there's nothing much for me to say or try to explain myself
the only thing i know i regard u as a good friend...seriously

everything seems to be changing and events turning out more sour than before
losing my motivation to go school or even listen to lectures..
nothing's really going in
but its time to clean up the mess...pack my bag and set off to go
i'll not fall back into such things even again..with God's guidance..