what's going on in here?

2010-01-04T22:16:00.004+08:00

i don't know whether it's me or it's just the start of the year.
but things that had been happening were all somewhat screwed up in its order, like as if everything's been pre-planned to test the focus.
as if it is trying to preempt something.

FOCUS
deja vu of the word.

stop attempting to go by living on my own strength, and getting stuck in frustration.
time to pray and seek for revelation.
walk closer with Him in 2010.

2010-01-01T10:55:00.003+08:00

2010 - the brand new year awaits!
i am excited.
Thank God for all the provision in 2009 and the grace that kept me going through all the darkest moments.
can't do everything without Him.

many things can be spoken, but yet remains as it.
the test of the attitude, patience and even trust.
stand up for what's right, even if it means losing your position.
action speaks louder than word.

a challenging semester awaits (think about endless sleepless nights, early morning lectures and mind gripping critiques)
time to focus.

2009-12-26T16:12:00.003+08:00

how real are you to yourself.

amidst all the celebrations and fun, I was just subtly reminded what was it all about.

put away the formalities, love in the manner you ought to.

2009-12-22T00:59:00.002+08:00

fulfilled my long lost secret wish - to head to punggol for a super random photoshoot, without any assignment or purpose at the back of my mind. just there plainly for the experience.

that might sound kinda insignificant, but it is really such time away from city life that bear all the more importance (at least to me).

and dun forget the famous nasi lemak (which lived up to it's name) that completes the day perfectly!

2009-12-20T01:33:00.006+08:00

the initial tug. the big push.
and now the tugging.

back and forth.
set your mind right and not sway.

Christmas is quickening its pace.
the end of yet another year is drawing closer.

the shocking fact of the week:
China bans Twitter!, Youtube?!?!, Facebook!??!?!!? and even yousendit.

2009-12-12T20:29:00.002+08:00

the disillusions of life:

when u thought u knew someone, but actually that person is a double headed snake.
speaking something to one, appearing so innocent to another.
can't we just be true to ourselves at least?
it gets tiresome to be constantly cautious of what i hear, putting the words through an invisible filter.

it's easier to speak based on hearsay than to truly understand someone on a personal basis.
for a moment, i thought i don't know you at all.

on a side note:

heard today that renewal of the mind is not to just put upon the old self all the new values, but rather it is to go deeper into the basic foundation and starting afresh with that new revelation.
how true that we just tend to apply that principle only on the surface, and attempt to only decrease or increase a certain element in our lives, instead of completely removing and starting anew.

2009-12-06T21:26:00.006+08:00

congratulations (to myself)

i've survived first semester and came out in one piece.
the continuous late nights and the two meals (plus supper) per day per week routine all seemed worthwhile when i looked back.
i've learnt to be more aware about my surroundings, to be more critical about all the details that i'm presented with.
to dare to take the risk and to try despite falling and failing.
to understand that getting up thereafter is that which bears all the significance.

it is amazing how i used to perceive the world to function in a certain manner, when i realized the reality is very much far from that.

point is -
THE HOLIDAYS HAVE ARRIVED.

first stop: Bintan

a very much needed escape from city life.
the huge tranquil beach and the sound of the waves are just so soothing :)

all ready to catch up on all that i've been missing out during semester!

2009-11-26T14:19:00.002+08:00

unknowingly examinations have taken over the social control of our lives.
all people acknowledge or care about is how did you fare.

how many marks did you get ah?"

then we attempt to veil this superficiality by emphasizing on 'holistic education'
we're indeed a paper-chase society.

2009-11-25T19:52:00.001+08:00

one more down. final one to go!
just five more days :)

2009-11-21T00:53:00.003+08:00

TRUSSES, COLUMNS, TENSION, COMPRESSION, MOMENTS, RESISTANCE, STRESS, STRAIN

that sums up all that i've been facing for the past week. and it's getting so very dry.
felt as if i didnt take up this module at all from the start, and now i realized i had to sit for the exam one week later.

kinda frustrating indeed, but just learning to just give it all that i've got and pray that i can bid goodbye to it forever.

(not mentioning the incoherent and rather non-informative manner of the presentation of the lecture notes)

haha i am surprised that i can just sit down for the whole day to just do revision.

just two more weeks!

2009-11-14T23:28:00.001+08:00

'if we endure with him, we shall also reign with him'

keep on keeping on :)

2009-11-10T23:49:00.003+08:00

there's so much going on. somehow i've become a little lost in all that.

and we're suppose to work like robots, like press a few buttons and set a few preset programmes.
and zoom, off we go working till like forever.

i realized that i've become very incoherent in speech.
slow progress speed is no longer pardonable.

need a sunny day and some spare hours and a very motivated heart - so i can get out of bed early and head for a swim.
though exams are looming in less than 2 weeks, it is definitely strange that i don't feel that panicky. (not a very good sign)
haha
till portfolio is done by friday, which will entails endless struggles with indesign.
i am sure it can designed to be more user-friendly.

Reminder to self: to stop procrastinating and start working like NOW.

sudden attraction to alternative rock music.

2009-11-02T21:23:00.006+08:00

some of the photos taken during the photography workshop which ended last week.
was interesting just to perceive how light and darkness intertwine to form varying images, and how reminiscent it was to just make a trip back to old airport road - my childhood grounds.

life has been pushing ahead at full speed, while i'm starting to struggle to keep up with it.
not that it has been without a purpose, but the body is beginning to protest from frequent late nights and fast food thrice a week.

grossed out at the sight of macs.

this whole week is indeed the most demanding since school has started.
work has been a touch and go affair, for if i were to dwell on it a little longer. the rest will start to snowball.

i am living this exciting 'no-life' life.
haha.

and with that transcab taxi uncle that didnt bother to return my precious axo drawing!
i am left pretty helpless.
pray that critique will still go on smoothly.

it is at such breaking point, where I am reminded of the real friends and family that are sticking it out with you.
many times, we tend to be so caught up with 'life' that we forgotten to cherish the simplest of things.
it's time to go back to the basics!
and to forget what was behind.

alright. history essay's due on fri. time to start cracking.

revelation of the week:
jesus said to them "have faith in God"

2009-10-25T02:51:00.001+08:00

symmetry: the circle and the square
no idea how i can use this idea to translate into something that can hold up a brick (using only string and satay sticks)
felt like an engineer for a moment.
or perhaps architects meant to have some 'engineer flair' as well.

2009-10-25T02:41:00.003+08:00

a time of refreshment.
and a gentle reminder on how important it is to dwell in His presence
to not get caught up with the care and concerns of life.

back at the home front, life is getting much more hectic.
greater expectation of others, higher demand of self.
it is definitely something worth the challenge.

how crucial the word 'focus' can be.

hair's getting longer by the day, time for a good decent cut.
perhaps back to the more manageable short hair.
haha.

[realized that i've used arial all along, if u've noticed my older posts. shall revert back to that]

2009-10-16T16:20:00.006+08:00

the places that i've visited, while doing the 30 sketches that kept me occupied the past weekend.

i was the weird person standing and sketching whenever there's something interesting.

2009-10-16T01:08:00.003+08:00

in and out of sleep.

have you ever woke up in bed, after falling asleep when u intended to just take a nap..

that pretty much sums up my nights for the past week.
it's a miracle i still managed to churn out the work due the next day (quality being a separate issue)

friday is here again and it's time to catch up on so many things.
with a new tutor, everything is taking a positive change and many previously concealed directions now illuminated.
i seemed to be able to comprehend work much better now (perhaps it's just that i finally grasped the concept)

sidetrack: group work always brings out human character in it's most pure form.
it's frustrating when someone is just so stubborn to snap out of their own old mindset and to adopt the relevant concept and to just move on with it.
it is really that difficult?

friday, saturday, sunday
swim, model, draw, buffet, and sleep.

welcome the brand new weekend :)

2009-10-14T01:24:00.002+08:00

the simple time out.
the sincere conversations.

the simple things that touch your heart.
there's no need to live a complicated live.
or to appear sophisticated.

the work seems never ending, always coming.
and appearing.
but it's so impt to take time off (or to just skive)
to let the exhausted mind rest a little, and to start off on a new page.

more sleepless nites, i can foresee.
but am reminded how i can and should pray and to really seek after Him.
He's the giver of strength, and we're made more than conquerors!

good nite :)

2009-10-10T20:43:00.002+08:00

gotten a little weary of sketching.
so started blog surfing and reading all the entries..

when it came to the old cell group's entries (esp merrien's post on all the old photos from ancient times)
they still make me laugh and reminded me of how much we've all grown and changed (for better hopefully)
haha

and that all the problems that seemed daunting to us in the past are somehow so minute now to us.
growing up equates to overcoming bigger problems?
that's pretty true.

every day will present it challenges, and at the same time it's offering a chance for you to overcome and grow.

imagine yourself ten years down the road?
definitely more beautiful than you're now.

2009-10-09T01:53:00.003+08:00

the weekend has arrived!
and it's totally filled with work (x30 sketches, etc)

the morning sketch at republic poly today was somewhat interesting.
it helped to break away from the daily routine of home-school-home.

and yes the school building is really intriguing, especially with the use of water and glass.
and the simple but yet unique cultural centre, which sheltered us from the sudden mad thunderstorm.what's going on.
i know that there's something changing.

2009-10-07T21:45:00.002+08:00

not everything that happened was done on purpose.
to let go of the control and keep you eyes looking straight.
the struggle within and the turmoil unseen.

it's funny how tough it can be, and how much someone can greatly stir up your emotions.
irrational coupled with the uncertainty.
the distance and the separation.

to reunite back to the square one.
the strangers and friends.
how i wish i never knew you.

foolishness indeed. what have i done.
actions guided by the heart.

i've been trying too hard, to reach an unknown destination.
taken for granted many, neglected the rest.
and how i pray.
to return to the unchanging love.
to seek that peace within.

"i close my eyes, lift my hands to worship you.
you're the love of my life.
nothing else matters"

2009-10-02T01:54:00.004+08:00

the recess and studio free weeks just came and left.
so quickly, that it barely felt that it was sufficient.

nonetheless, i am still grateful for the freedom in time.
to choose what i should do first, and to take time off and to enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

nothing will change just by me sitting down here talking about it and wanting so much to make a change. if i dun for once, take a step out.
(i must step out n forward to all that awaits)

certain things in life can't be forced upon.
and it is sad but yet necessary for one to learn by experience.
if you dont know how it hurts, it might not be obvious to you that you're actually doing all to yourself. (not that it applies to every single situation)

this phase seems like a renewal : a new content page and introduction to a brand new story.
to cherish and to embrace.

happy children's day, though i am already two hours late!
esp to my tuition kids, even though u would never read this (and i pray that you don't)
thanks for bringing me that joy and satisfaction (most of the time)
haha
look forward to seeing you all again on saturday!

haha

2009-09-28T16:29:00.003+08:00

my very first portfolio!
now that i've reached this point in time.
i am just truly grateful to be able to wrestle through it all and be able to submit this.

haha.

the deprivation of sleep can make someone very truthful and sensitive to his/her environment.

am reminded that when you're in a position holding a responsibility, the people around tend to neglect your efforts and just deemed it as something within your scope of work.

not that the person should shuck off all that he/she should be doing, but just that the people in the team can be so blatant to just dump all that personal work to the rep and let the rep settle it himself.
(not speaking from my own experience)

something has indeed broken, and we seemed to be a little thrown off the track.
not that we are unable to comprehend, but rather we haven't even started to understand.
it seem like an excruciating task to look beyond what's on the surface.
time to be decisive and to look at the fuller picture instead.
to be true to yourself.

2009-09-22T15:25:00.003+08:00

does nonchalance always equate to being ignorant?
or is it just one party giving while the other party's taking without realizing.

it just doesnt feel right when you're one that's always listening while the other shares.
might seem a little foolish at times.

i cant sort it out somehow and i've been going in circles.
perhaps it's time to lower its importance and snap out of it.

2009-09-18T00:27:00.001+08:00

RECESS WEEK!!
very timely.
thank God for his grace for the past 6 weeks.
it really carried me through every single day and night.

time to catch up on my sleep!